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SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER: After a long night of dancing at a club, a man decided to wow the crowd with some final moves. Taking a page out of Michael Jackson's book, the man began doing high kicks. One kick, however, landed squarely in the groin of the club's bouncer. As the happy-footed fellow was escorted toward the front door, he spat in the bouncer's face.

MAMA'S BOY: Quote of the week: If you make my mother cry one more time, I'm going to come get you. I'll cap your sorry ass.

ANIMAL CRUELTY: The hierarchical world of the alpha-male was in full effect recently, when two pit bulls approached a third dog, began growling, then proceeded to attack it by biting its neck and not letting go. The owner of the bullied dog saw the scene, quickly grabbed a handgun, and shot both pit bulls.

TEA PARTY CANCELLED: A man broke into what he thought was a storage shed, but it turned out to be a child's playhouse. After busting down the door and rummaging around, however, the prowler noticed a second shed next to the playhouse. He broke into that one, and attempted to steal a chainsaw, but the owner of the house came outside and scared off the man. The owner later reported that nothing was stolen from his daughter's playhouse.

OLD MacDONALD FREAKS OUT: Employees at a local furniture store tried to calm a man who was walking around quacking like a duck. When he refused to stop, they asked him to leave. The man refused that request also and switched his barnyard-themed noises to cow moos. Police were called to the scene, but the man still wouldn't quit. He then began fighting with police. He was eventually apprehended.

BOWLING FOR DIVORCE: A verbal spat between a couple went into the gutter when a man picked up a bowling pin and threatened his wife with it. His body language was enough to tell her that he might strike her, so she locked herself in the bathroom. The man threw the pin at the door, which cracked. The woman might seek a warrant, since they probably won't be able to spare the relationship, and will more than likely split.

CASPER THE FRIENDLY THIEF?: A man in a bus station bathroom took off his two rings so that he could wash his hands. He placed them on the counter and reached for the soap. After washing up, he walked over to grab a paper towel. When he returned, his rings were gone. He told police that he didn't see anyone else in the bathroom during the time that he was there.

I HATE RICK: A man went out to get his mail one afternoon and noticed that his car was covered, from one end to the other, in white paint. There was a note attached addressed to "Rick." Unfortunately for this man, Rick was his next-door neighbor, and the vandal got the wrong car.

TWO UNWELCOME SURPRISES: The first surprise came when two masked men rang the doorbell of a home they thought was empty. The owner was home, however, and was quite frightened. The second came after the two men noticed that a second-floor window was covered with cardboard, and they decided to climb the house to enter it. As they did, the owner grabbed a shotgun and fired it through the cardboard.

FRESHLY SQUEEZED POISON: After a serious argument, a woman poured bleach into her boyfriend's orange juice as she prepared his breakfast. He noticed, cursed her out, and threw the juice in her face.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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