March 17, 2004 News & Views » The Blotter

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EQUAL OPPORTUNITY CON JOB: Two different men found job listings online for a security guard opening at a local business. Both men paid an average of $890 for a gun, uniform, and various other items, but after their checks cleared, so did the employer, and they never heard a word again about their supposed jobs.

STIFFED: Thieves broke into a funeral home recently, but came away empty-handed. Police reported that the back door to the funeral home had been forced open, and that the place showed signs of being lightly searched. It appears the looting had reached a dead end.

YOUTHFUL INDISCRETION: A college student under the age of 21 came home to his university apartment complex one evening as drunk as could be. As he roared into the parking lot, he flung his car around, and smashed into five of his neighbors' cars.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: You think this is out of control? You just test me one more time and I'll show you out of control! You don't want to see me out of control, son.

TEST DRIVE TERROR: A salesman was riding with a customer during a test drive when the customer began driving erratically. When the salesman told him to stop, the man replied by telling the salesman he was about to kick him out of the moving car. At the next red light, the salesman jumped out, grabbed the temporary plate, and attempted to run around to the driver's side, but the man peeled out and sped off.

BYE-BYE FRUIT PUNCH: Two young men were sharing a thermos on the school bus one morning, and almost managed to finish it by the time they reached school. Perhaps gifted with psychic ability, the school's principal asked them for the thermos, and found that it had brandy in it.

IN SYMPATHY: A man called police to report being threatened. He told police that another man had accused him of sleeping with his wife, and that he'd left a threatening message on his answering machine. The message went as follows: "If I hear about you and my wife again, I'll convey my condolences to your family!"

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS: As if shrinking, false teeth, medical bills, and getting wrinkles and gray hair aren't enough, one poor codger had to deal with this threat recently: "You ain't the only one with a gun! And I don't give a flying fuck about your age, I'll come whoop your ass, old man!"

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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