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The Blotter 

DESPERATE MEASURES: Upon seeing a hothead hooligan grab an 18-pack of beer and attempt to leave without paying, a clerk locked his convenience store's front door. Realizing he was trapped, the lame-brain lout dropped the beer, and proceeded to throw a 12-pack of Coke at the front door, shattering the glass. The police report, unfortunately, doesn't indicate if this drastic act allowed him to escape.

ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY: A 20-year-old woman went to her baby's daddy's house to get some child support money. While the flaky father was handing over the cash, another woman stepped in and started assaulting the young mother. Apparently the dopey dad liked what he saw, because he jumped in and held the mother of his child while the other woman continued to hit her on the face and neck, resulting in several scratches. The report indicates that a warrant has been sworn out on the sperm donor, but not on the other woman until "further information is found on her."

BURNING BRIDGES: After being fired from a local telemarketing business, a man called his old boss and threatened to "pop a cap in someone's ass." I'm no vocational counselor, but that probably won't get him too many favorable job referrals.

A LOADED STICK: A young man was walking downtown when two males accosted him, one of whom pulled out a stick and ordered him to put his hands in the air. The second crook then rifled through the victim's pockets, relieving him of $10.

THE MUFFIN MAN: A suspicious acting gent strolled into a local coffeeshop, started conversing with the owner, and eventually asked for a muffin. When the store's proprietor went to retrieve the pastry, she observed the shifty character pocket all the tip money contained in a cup on the counter. Moreover, he then tried to use that money to pay for the muffin. The storeowner called him on it, and the would-be thief meekly returned the money and left.

A BOY AND HIS SCOOTER: A young man allowed an acquaintance to ride his $2,100 scooter to the store, but then called police after the friend didn't come back. Adding insult to injury, several people who know the victim have told him they've seen the scooter-stealing scamp cruising around the neighborhood on it.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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