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The quotable drunkard 

Famous (and not-so famous) libation-centric sayings

"Beer, the cause of and solution to all life's problems." -- Homer Simpson

"All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me -- so let's just do this, and I'll get back to killing you with beer." -- Homer Simpson

"I drink to make other people interesting." -- George Jean Nathan

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." -- attributed alternately to Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra

"Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets." -- Arthur, played by Dudley Moore

"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol." -- Anonymous

"They talk of my drinking but never my thirst." -- Scottish saying.

"When I realized that what I had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession." -- Danny McGoorty

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." -- Frank Zappa

"Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer." -- Henry Lawson

"This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts." -- Samuel Johnson

"There can't be good living where there is not good drinking." -- Benjamin Franklin

"I'm not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop." -- Noel Coward

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." -- Martin Mull

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the 13th or the 14th." -- George F. Burns

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

"Worthless people live only to eat and drink; people of worth eat and drink only to live." -- Socrates

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy." -- Frank Sinatra

"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober." -- William Butler Yeats

"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in 14 days I lost two weeks." -- Joe E. Lewis

"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." -- Rodney Dangerfield

"It's like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don't know where you're going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It's like the throw of the dice." -- Jim Morrison

"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough." -- Mark Twain

"Drunkenness is temporary suicide: the happiness that it brings is merely negative, a momentary cessation of unhappiness." -- Bertrand Russell

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." -- Dean Martin

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." -- Dylan Thomas

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -- Ernest Hemingway

"The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity." -- Author unknown

"When the wine goes in, strange things come out." -- Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller

"If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic." -- Author Unknown

"Drunkenness is temporary suicide." -- Bertrand Russell

"Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." -- Seneca

"How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that make me want to drink?" -- Author Unknown

"New! Improved! Instant asshole ... just add alcohol!" -- Author Unknown

"Oh, he occasionally takes an alcoholiday." -- Oscar Wilde

"Drinking when we are not thirsty and making love at any time, madam, is all that distinguishes us from the other animals." -- Pierre De Beaumarchais

"When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place." -- Jimmy Breslin

"If you want to quit drinking, just look at a drunkard when you're sober." -- Chinese proverb

"I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion." -- Cervantes

Sources: Wikipedia, The Columbia World of Quotations, Simpson's Contemporary Quotations

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