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Wedding bell blues 

I'm a 28-year-old gay man. My only sibling is getting married next year, and I'm invited. My family doesn't support my gayness. My mom has met my boyfriend only once and refused to be in his presence for more than two minutes. Should I bring my boyfriend to my sister's wedding or ask him to stay home? My invitation came with only my name on it.

Brother Of The Bride

You say: "Hey, Sis. Looking forward to the wedding. I've been seeing a great guy for two years now, as you know, and I'm planning on bringing him to the wedding."

If she says, "Don't bring him. It'll just piss off Mom," then you say, "I'm coming with my boyfriend or I'm not coming at all — and remember, Sis, one day Mom will be dead and it's just going to be you and me. So in the long run, you should be more concerned about pissing me off than pissing Mom off."

And if she says, "Don't bring him. I don't want your gay boyfriend at my wedding," then you say, "If you don't want gays at your wedding, Sis, then you shouldn't have invited me. I want to be there — but if I come, I'm bringing my boyfriend."

Have the confrontation now, BOTB, so that you can't be accused of trying to make trouble/drama right before your sister's wedding. But you need to seize this opportunity to dictate terms to your family: They can have their homophobia or they can have you in their lives — but they can't have both.

When I first met my fiancé two years ago, he was training for a marathon and had the body of a Greek god. But he seems to be losing all interest in his appearance. The other day he sent me a photo of himself (I am finishing college in another state) that made me yelp in shock because he'd gained so much weight. I don't want to dump him — the man I love is encased in that mound somewhere — but it's gotten to the point where I'm glad I'm in a long-distance relationship because it means I don't have to sleep with him. How can I communicate this in a subtle way so as not to hurt him?

The Biggest Gainer

Well aren't you a shallow piece of shit. I mean, do you love this man for who he is or how he looks? What about the person he is on the inside?

Just kidding, TBG, I'm totally on your side. While we all eventually arrive at old and ugly — "ugly" is an entirely subjective judgment, of course, and for some of us, "body of a Greek god" counts as "ugly" — you're under no obligation to marry a man who's in a hurry to get there. Tell him that committing to you means committing to maintaining his body out of consideration for the pleasure you're expected to provide to it/take from it.

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