Have your pants ever been on fire? ... tell the truth.

I'll be honest: Though my pants have never actually been on fire, I have lied.

I was scheduled to work on a production for a show on USA filming here, starting early this Monday morning. But over the weekend, I was given an opportunity more important to me that would require me to quit this job, while the producer was traveling from L.A. to the East Coast. Not the most professional or polite thing to do, and normally I would have made up a lie to get out of it without looking bad or hindering this contact and connection.

But I figured it would be even more rude to lie, so I wrote him ...

Dear (dude from LA),

I want to tell you that I got some communicable disease, or that I need to get emergency surgery as that would be the only valid excuse for pulling out of the job last minute ... but that would be lying. Basically, I was offered a career and life-altering opportunity. But in order to actually attain it, I will have to leave town next week and thus not work on your job.

I am so, so sorry to do this to you, and I can only hope you can understand. I am as bummed about it as you are now inconvenienced.

He replied.

Thanks Brittney, congrats on the opportunity and I do appreciate your honesty. I don’t get enough of that in L.A.

And the truth shall set you free (and not make you feel like such a bad person)!

This got me thinking about how often people use lies to repair the truth in order to avoid disappointing other people. How many excuses have you made up to get yourself out of something? Lying to parents, teachers, employers and the people we date to tell them what they want to hear, trying to paint the truth white with a lie. Sometimes lies have left my mouth before even filtering it, before my eyes could even gaze up to the right side of my brain to process the lie from the truth, making my lies believable, to even me.

That’s because the person I have lied to the most is myself.

"I am seriously considering getting a boob job. I am even saving up for one."

I originally said that as material in my stand-up act ... but I wasn't joking. Don't judge me — I don't want new boobs so I can impress guys. I merely want them so I don't scare them. You see, when you take my bullet-proof-airbag-padded bra off, Victoria's real Secret is revealed: they can turn an A cup into a C cup with their bras. And as a result, men think I am a witch with the magic ability to make my tits disappear. I even took off my bra at the Comedy Zone to display my little magic trick.

I used to be completely against remodeling God's work and being au-naturale, but that was before I became a Panthers cheerleader and they made me lose 10 pounds. The first place it left was my boobs. And so went my natural handful-C cups.

That is so not fair — when women lose weight, the first place it goes is their boobs. When men do, not only does their penis not shrink, but it appears larger.

When I stopped cheering and started eating again, my boobs grew a cup size, but left stretch marks.

That's right, I have an A cup with stretch marks on them. You see why I want to get a boob job?

On another, somewhat related note, the check engine light in my BMW comes on just for looking at it funny. Don't be fooled by the label: A Beamer is like buying a shirt from Neiman Marcus — it's brand name, but it unravels in the wash just like a cheap shirt from Forever 21. Just because their parts cost more does not make it a better vehicle; it's just a lemon in nice clothing.

And while men's penises don't shrink, they also only have to worry about replacing car parts rather than parts of their bodies. We don't expect them to get a penis implant or a ball tuck.

So why do I feel so insecure to want a boob job to feel good naked?

Though my fancy lemon with a check engine light is much like my body, getting old and breaking down, unlike my car, my body still runs perfectly without the extra parts. But it is nice to know that they can just lift my hood and replace my insecurities ... physically.

I wish NAPA knew how to make body parts in addition to car parts. But I must commend their store employees: They didn't say anything perverted when I marched in there and requested "studs for my rear" ... axle.

As for my boobs, while I can't really rationalize spurgling on new parts because I had to buy car parts, I will be taking itty bitty tit tips. I certainly can't put them on layaway.

But seriously, what do you all think? Are boob jobs a bad idea?

The LadyCats aren't the only ones holding auditions this month.

ABC's The Bachelor is coming back to Charlotte to recruit their next Southern star.

Not only did Emily Maynard win the heart of America — oh, and Brad Womack last season — but former TopCat and current Miss Sprint Cup Kimberly Coon was also on the show.

So out of 25 women, two of them were from Charlotte. Charlotte was the only city in the nation that had two representatives on the show. That's kind of a big deal.

Cason-Point: The Bachelor producers know how great Carolina girls are.

Casting producers from The Bachelor will be at the EpiCentre (210 E. Trade St.) on Thursday, June 16. Registration begins at 4:30 p.m. and on-camera interviews will run through 10 p.m. at SUITE.

This means you can go to Alive After Five first and have a drink to calm the nerves ... or convince you it's a good idea. Either one.

They should be recruiting THE BACHELOR here, not just the girls.

Like Drew Carter. He may be in Cali now, but us Panthers fans still like to claim him here in Charlotte.

Pictured above with Emily. I asked the two of them to pose for the Charlotte yearbook for the best-looking superlative. They're both so nice, they appeased my dumb idea.