When the leaves begin to fall in Charlotte, the nightlife vibe changes. The summer attire of suns-out, guns-out, buns-out fades and the cooler weather either keeps nightlifers from going out as much or forces them to seek the comfort of a warm, inviting atmosphere.
Fortunately, there's plenty of places in the Queen City to go that will help you find just what you're looking for when you're trying to get classy not trashy.
Sophia's Lounge, for example, brings a slice of the elevated speakeasy; it's a kick-back-and-relax atmosphere that you'll find everywhere from NYC to the QC.
But when my friend suggested we make the early move to Sophia's with one of the owners, I was apprehensive.
Why? It's located in The Ivey's Hotel across from Dandelion Market. Anytime I hear boutique and hotel in the same sentence as a nightlife venue, I get a little nervous.
Are we going to be too lit for a classy venue? Are the drinks going to break the already broken bank? Is the crowd going to be pretentious?
Nevertheless, I need a regular change of scenery to stay awake most nights, even on weekends, so I was excited to at least vet a nightlife venue that's only been on the scene for a couple of months.
When we arrived, we were greeted by a dapper young gentleman who was giving off Andre 3000 vibes. So far, so good, if you ask me.
Upon entry, I could tell that while the crowd was different from the regulars we'd find at The Corner Pub, I didn't feel as if I'd stepped into a stuffy environment.
In fact, the layout couldn't have been more perfect. From bar seating to the dining tables to the deep and comfortable tufted couches, the space was perfect for keeping congestion to a minimum while encouraging intimate conversations.
Think Amelie's on steroids — but with matching décor.
Did I mention the playlist was on fire? Maybe it was because it was a Friday, but I thought we'd only be listening to the sounds of a piano or jazz.
Don't get me wrong: I can appreciate a good jazz band, but when the temptations of Dandelion Market and SIP are only walking distance away, I need what some of my friends call "turnips" (aka turn-up music), and there were plenty of turnips to spare.
What was even better? When I started to bug a bartender for a charger, one of the managers offered without hesitation. Now, that's what I call service!
I plugged up my phone and placed it on a velvet-tufted bench in the corner — I know, so basic. The same manager handed me a drink menu and proceeded to help figure out the best choice for me at that particular point in the night.
I'd been drinking vodka, so I decided on Where Is the Honey — New Amsterdam vodka, rosemary honey and fresh-squeezed grapefruit juice.
While the extravagant lifestyle I've been trying to live cannot support too many of the cocktails, which ranged from $13 to $18, Sophia's definitely knows how to craft a delicious drink.
My biggest regret the next morning as I was fighting off nausea was that I didn't try one of the small plates on the menu. I'd glanced at the menu, but of course I wasn't hungry after having a few beers.
Dishes I noted: Maine lobster sliders, jumbo lump crab cakes, filet mignon toast, deviled eggs and the charcuterie board.
You just have to wait until that next paycheck drops.
My girls and I relaxed on the sofa — we liked to think that we had our very own VIP sitting area, psych — sipping our tasty cocktails as we considered our next move. We'd said our goodbyes and walked outside, but next thing you know we were walking back in to sit at the bar.
Sophia's was so much fun that we were convinced we needed to grab at least one more drink.
This time I tried Melon'dramatic. We subbed out the lavender-infused gin for vodka but left the other ingredients — Drambuie, melon syrup, citrus juices and lime zest — alone. Another great choice.
Overall impression? Sophia's Lounge offers an upscale experience combined with a comfortable environment, delicious drinks and from what I could tell, exceptional small plates. The perfect spot for girls' night or date night, its space and versatility make for a solid nightlife venue.
OK, promotion done.
Once football season starts, the sights, sounds and smells are always the same in the Queen City on Sunday morning. It doesn't matter if the Panthers play at 1 p.m., which parking lot you tailgate in or if you even like sports at all, you'll know what day it is as soon as you step outside.
Hamburgers, beer, vomit, porta potties and faces that will scream, "I'm hungover" at work the next morning. *Inhales deep,* oh yeah, that's what Sunday Funday and football are all about.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a huge sports buff. I know, gasp, a social faux pas that most sports fanatics would argue is way worse than previous blunders, which may or may not include throwing up in an Uber. However, I try to redeem myself by throwing on a Panthers jersey and finding the nearest bar to rally with the best of them.
This past weekend, for instance, Buffalo Bills fans came out in droves and took over the city. My girls gathered to celebrate a birthday at Suffolk Punch in South End on Friday and instead of going to our usual watering hole, we decided to spread our wings a bit. For our first stop, we settled on "the new Gin Mill" aka The Brickyard. In case you're wondering, nothing's really changed other than the tunes playing over the speakers — you can even still get popcorn.
After a drink, we closed out and rounded the corner. While one of my friends is a Buffalo Bills fan, I was completely oblivious to the fact that we'd be stumbling into a Friday night tailgate complete with cornhole boards, pajama pants and bros. The tailgate scene in the parking lot shared by Tavern On the Tracks and old Gin Mill was terrifying and thrilling all at the same time. It was only Friday, two days before game day? Now, that's what I call a pregame.
Fortunately, everyone was already so drunk I didn't have to concern myself with playing the part of "my team is better than yours," and we were able to slide into a few chairs on the patio outside of Tavern and "politely" takeover someone's table. We watched the madness unfold from a safe distance while someone serenaded us with live music. I could see the excitement building in my friend's eyes as she turned to our other friend to remind her how much fun the tailgate was going to be on Sunday. Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be going with them and I already had FOMO.
On game day, tailgaters were up and at 'em by 9:30 a.m. No lie. I woke up to a text from my girl, "Guys. 'Member when we were gunna be good? I know, I may have been the only one that said it. But I didn't do it. But the mother fucking Buffalo Bills are here bayyyybeeee." I cracked up immediately thinking about how lit she must have been the night before and here she was, texting us at 9 a.m. ready to go. I knew a tailgate party would be a terrible idea for my Monday morning, especially when they ended up getting there at 11 a.m. (Little did I know I would end up going out after the game anyways.)
I settled for watching all of the Snapchat and Instagram stories of tailgaters having the time of their lives. It was the first Panthers home game of the season, the so-called Bills Mafia was in full effect and everyone was ready to get lit. I moped around the house wondering whether I should get in on the action for a few hours or attempt to adult. That's when I discovered that my washing machine was broken and had leaked into the condo beneath mine. Yeah, after a series of unfortunate leaks and random repairs, this was just the icing on the cake. Naturally, that meant I needed to go out and unwind. Don't ask me why, we'll blame it on that Panthers "W" and those rowdy Buffalo Bills.
As I walked to work the next morning, I counted the beer cans along my path littering the street. I felt like I could still smell the scent of PBR and vomit in the air. While the idea of either was completely nauseating, I smiled thinking about how even though I knock it, football season is really one of the most exciting times to be in the Q.C. Y'all might just make a true fan out of me just yet! What's your favorite football season memory in the Queen?
If you've ever browsed through the men of Tinder, swiping this way and that, you start noticing patterns. Types.
There's the man holding a fish, promising with his profile photo that he will be able to provide for you and your future children a diet rich in omega-3 fatty acids.
Then there's the man reclined against the hood of a car. "I'm going places," his photo says, in a very literal sense.
There's the man with the muscles, the man with a puppy, the man with a girl. ("See, at least one girl likes me! You will too!")
And then there's the banker bro. Here in Charlotte, they're ubiquitous both on the dating apps and in real life. They wait with their standard issue black briefcases to cross at the intersection of Trade and Tryon. When the light changes, they walk with purpose. Banker bros always have somewhere to go and important business to conduct.
If you've got your sights set on this type, if your fantasies include unbuttoning a light blue-collared shirt before getting busy, take heed: You can take these tips to the bank.
1. Learn how to spot your quarry on or off the clock. Know how to spot logos from Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers, and J. Crew.
2. Hang out in the banker bro's natural environment. Spend time at the Epicentre on weekends. Find them at Starbucks reading the Financial Times or the Charlotte Agenda.
3. Pickup line: "Let's credit default swap digits."
4. Drop subtle hints that you are adventurous in the bedroom, i.e. a crude commodity.
5. Date idea: A happy hour special with $14 margaritas and an authentic sombrero photo booth.
6. Pickup line: "Not to be forward, but can I get the option to swap those commodities?"
7. When he mentions bottom-up investing, take the opportunity to let him know what you can do with your bottom up.
8. Propose learning a dance together, like waltz, salsa, or contango.
9. Date idea: Topgolf. I mean, c'mon, what else do you need to know?
10. At the end of your date, invite him inside to show off your diversified portfolio of assets.
11. During sex, use restraints and handcuffs (with consent). Refer to these as "bonds" and wink suggestively.
12. Pickup line: "I'll show you my butterfly spread investment strategy."
13. Suggest a game to invent sex positions for various financial terms. Start with "back-end load," "in the money," and "PEG ratio."
14. As your date is wrapping up, suggest some "uncovered options."
15. Keep your eyes peeled for Bank of America's volunteer t-shirt. These banker bros enjoy giving back in the community and possibly in bed.
16. Ask what he likes to be called during sex. Don't be surprised if he says "executive VP."
17. Pickup line: "If you're long, I have a vested interest in seeing you rise."
18. Fake an orgasm for every fake account he's created at Wells Fargo.
19. Date idea: Dave Matthews Band concert.
20. Tell him you're a closet Trump fan. Show him where you keep your red hat.
With these tips, you're sure to generate high interest and never be a-loan.
By now, if you've perused social media or watched the news you've probably seen the meme featuring a collection of pictures of Tiger Woods face leading up to his latest "portrait" – a mug shot. Above each picture, represents a day of the weekend. On Friday, he's smiling and looks happy, and naturally, on Monday he's posing for his mug shot.
The meme epitomizes what my selfies look like when strung together across a typical weekend. However, after a four-day weekend like this past Labor Day, you can only imagine.
As I write this, for example, I am sitting at work with a big bruise on my chin, but I'll fill you in on that soon enough.
On Friday, I'd wanted to plan a getaway to Asheville or the beach, but restrictions on gas and on my wallet reminded me that I needed to save my wanderlust for another weekend.
Instead, I sauntered to Latta Arcade after work and pregamed for a coworker's departure celebration and happy hour.
Little did I know that one of my other coworkers would "offer" a round of tequila shots — and that's where I messed up.
Hours later, I traversed Ink N Ivy Charlotte then found my way to The Corner Pub. I'd hadn't had quite a lot to drink, honestly, but I hadn't eaten and was mixing my liquors and beers more than I preferred. That's why it was no shock when, at 9:41 p.m., I made one of the biggest social faux pas of all time.
I started to get nauseous while riding home in an Uber when all of a sudden I asked him to pull over. It was too late. The next morning, I woke up to an $80 cleanup fee and pictures of my blunder — oops!
I had made up my mind I wasn't going to have a repeat of that moment on Saturday as I prepared for a tailgating party. A few of my friends are NC State and USC fans so a few of us decided to get together in one of the parking lots off of Bland Street. I opted for a spiked seltzer and a beer instead of liquor and watched everyone get pumped for the game with a series of flip cup.
I'm not going to lie, tailgating took me back to the good ol' college days.
Once it was time for the majority of our group to go to the game, a handful of us decided to grab a drink at Hot Taco before heading off to our usual spots. I don't know about you, but the service experience I always receive there is lackluster.
The highlight of my time spent there involved pigging out on nachos with my friends, then getting another surprise shot of Patrón tequila sent my way. *Gags*
Nevertheless, I was a trooper and kept the party moving. Until later that night, when I tripped over a trailer pull and busted my chin — hence the horrendous bruise I am currently wearing like a scarlet letter.
Outside of a little pain on my chin, I still felt grand on Sunday. See? I wasn't too bad!
I got a much later start on the party game. My friends went to brunch at Ink N Ivy, then stopped by The Corkscrew Vue Coffee and Wine Bar.
All the while, I was more concerned with getting my hands on a seven-layer bean dip at Harris Teeter, a long cry from my original plans of "treating myself" to dinner at Customshop Handcrafted (the cheese/charcuterie board/burrata ravioli were so tempting, though).
Dinner consisted of a seven-layer bean dip, black bean hummus, brie, honey and salami. I was going to make my own version of the meal I would've tried at Customshop for a third of the price. And later on, after I decided to go out, I felt like I'd set a solid base.
Sure enough, I ended up chatting up random strangers in NoDa about their thoughts on nightlife in the Queen City. The most popular opinion of the area? There's not enough nightlife venues that have that "wow factor."
So that's what I'll be directing my attention toward over the next few months — what is missing from the Charlotte nightlife scene?
On Monday, I was so proud of how I'd redeemed myself after Friday's mishap that I wanted to keep up the good work, but it was going to be hard.
I called around to a few venues I wanted to visit – Recess Charlotte, Slate Billiards, All American Pub, Draught Restaurant & Bar and 8.2.0 were all closed in observance of Labor Day. I'll keep that in mind as I prepare for the next holiday and four-day weekend!
How'd you spend your Labor Day weekend in the Q.C.?
About a year ago, a woman posted a now-infamous video demonstrating her favorite tip for giving good blowjobs.
In it, she sliced the ends off of a grapefruit, cut a hole in the center of the remaining section, and demonstrated how she used the fruit in combination with her mouth on a lucky fellatio recipient. What impressed the masses about this video was not only the grapefruit strategy but also the sounds she made while demonstrating her technique. That "Wait, what?" moment reminds us how little we know about the sex lives of our fellow regular people — meaning, not porn stars.
We wonder: Do people really do that? How many people really make noises like that? Do people really enjoy this or that? How many of my coworkers enjoy transgressive sex? Am I normal?
One thing that's pretty normal and unites sex aficionados up and down the Kinsey scale is oral sex. The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, conducted in 2009, found that more than 50 percent of men and women between the ages of 18 and 49 had received oral during the previous year. Oral sex seems most popular among respondents between the ages of 25 and 29 — 77 percent of men and 72 percent of women in that age group reported getting head in the previous year.
Despite its popularity among my fellow millennials, it's obviously nothing new or trendy, nor was it some sort of fad in the 1970s when the enormously popular movie Deep Throat was released. (The plot, yet another example of the genius and creativity of the American male mind, centers around a woman who can only orgasm via performing oral sex.)
Fellatio and cunnilingus have a long history. Ancient art found in Europe, Asia and South America depict oral sex. In the Middle Ages, people were still getting freaky despite the strictures against non-traditional sex of any kind. In Ireland, according to a history of oral sex on Mic.com, a medieval penitential document prescribed four years of penance for cunnilingus and five for fellatio.
Its popularity has continued apace. For women — who are on the wrong side of the orgasm gender gap — there's a good reason to like cunnilingus. The survey I mentioned found that 81 percent of women respondents orgasmed during oral sex encounters.
The history of oral sex goes back generations, and the experience of our elders has produced a few standby pearls of wisdom on technique: Keep teeth out of the action. Spell the ABCs with your tongue.
Provided, of course, that you can find the clitoris. In spite of this long, nearly universal history, the actual location of the clitoris seems to require discovery every several years. See Men's Health circa 2010: "Q&A: Help Me Find the Clitoris!"
And of course, Cosmopolitan has made a veritable industry of dispensing tips on seduction and sex of all kinds, including oral. Here are some memorable ones:
"Chew a small piece of mango... then take him in your mouth. You can use whatever fruit you have, just don't try anything too acidic, as it can burn him."
"As you move your mouth up and down his shaft, rotate your hand in a corkscrew motion while spiraling your tongue in the opposite direction."
"Very softly bite the skin of his scrotum."
"Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel-good effects."
To each his own in the pursuit of pleasure, I guess.
So, do people really do these things? How are our neighbors going down?
To help answer these questions, I invite you to complete the Great Charlotte Oral Sex Survey of 2017.
The survey includes questions about your first time performing or receiving oral sex, whether you have any crazy cunnilingus or fellatio stories, and your best tips. It's completely anonymous (duh), and I'll explore the findings in an upcoming column. This will not be scientific — I aspire to about the same polling rigor and accuracy on display in the 2016 presidential election.
Speaking of politics, it turns out that our primate cousins the bonobos are quite the nymphos. They prefer to ease social situations and solve problems by having sex instead of using violence. They're the only other primate that French kisses. And, like our ancestors and our ancestors before that, they like getting good head.