Read It, Beat It: Police were called to the Borders bookstore on Rea Road after a 34-year-old woman was startled to find a man masturbating in a public part of the store. Maybe that’s why all the pages in my copy of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo are stuck together.
Grinch: A 57-year-old man called police after his former love threatened him and his new woman. He told officers that the suspect violated a domestic violence restraining order by showing up at his house last week and banging on the door. The suspect yelled, “I swear before God that before Christmas I will wait for you and stab you. I will kill you and Sherry.” Is God really going to keep up with that promise … with all the preparation for his son’s birthday?
Riiiiight: A 23-year-old man was found at the scene of a one-car accident fuming mad about the mystery man who put him there. He told officers the man was driving his car and drove it right into a ditch, causing major front-end damage. The driver then fled without leaving any of his information, according to the car’s owner.
Hanging Out: A 28-year-old man called police after he was assaulted by a woman. He told officers that the woman pushed open the door to his residence without permission and attacked him, slapping him in the face and scratching his body. He also made sure to include in the report that she broke an elephant ornament that was hanging from his Christmas tree during the fracas. We must remember what’s really important this holiday season.
R.L. Stine: A 21-year-old woman called police after someone vandalized her property. She told officers that during an argument one night, the suspect threatened her with bodily harm and damaged two of her Goosebumps children’s books. I grew up on those books, and if you ever even tore a page out of mine I would be pissed. Seriously. I’m not kidding.
Child’s Play: Police were called to a local Walmart after employees witnessed a man concealing goods on his person, displaying no intent to buy them. The suspect was confronted by an employee and was arrested without incident. It was found that he stuck a pack of Yu-Gi-Oh playing cards in his pocket and tried to walk out with them. The only reason he was so calm when he got arrested was because he was probably planning to hit the cops with his spellcaster card.
Need A Ride: A 59-year-old woman called police after someone she had loaned her car to vandalized it. She told officers that the person she let use her car called her and said that the vehicle was broken down and she should come and pick it up. When the victim came to pick up the car, there was sugar all over the steering wheel and seats, and it was later found that there was sugar in the gas tank.
Let Me In: Police were called to E.E. Waddell High School after a student made a disturbance because he was being kicked out. The suspect was suspended from school that morning for bullying and gang activity. After being suspended, he threw a fit and began cursing out the administration. His uncle couldn’t calm him down, and he left the school, kicking the door open on his way out. He returned shortly and tried to re-enter the school through the cafeteria but was told to leave. When he returned a second time he saw real police officers and fled the scene. How could you deny such a fine young man the education he deserves? I’m sure his only reason for returning was to fulfill his academic goals.
Scammed: A 25-year-old woman called police after some shady suspects outside of a shopping center pulled a fast one on her. She told officers that the two men offered to sell her some Wii video game systems for $100 each. The woman recognized a good deal when she saw one, so she paid the men and went on her way. When she opened the boxes later she found that they were just Wii boxes that had been filled with phonebooks. Just make sure you are out the door before your kids open their boxes of telephone books on Christmas morning. Pay it forward.
Threat of the Week: A 21-year-old woman called police after being threatened by a known suspect. She told officers that she and the man were arguing when he stated, “If you are still here when I get back, I am going to shoot up this house and burn this place down.” It might be about 15 degrees outside, but right about now, it looks like a really good time for a walk.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.
This article appears in Dec 21-27, 2010.
