Dear Karma Cleanser:
I have a question not about my own karma but about what might happen to my friend Chris. This guy, you see, tends to be an absolute prude. He looks down on his friends — gay or straight — who engage in any sort of promiscuous behavior or too much indulgence in spirits and substances. Chris came from a nice Catholic family and though he will go to bars and hang out with our friends (we all met each other in college), he is always the first to go home.
Because we like Chris, and we find his quirks usually amusing, we still hang out with him, although he can be a little too judgmental.
You can imagine my surprise when another friend reported that she had seen Chris’s profile on an online sex site. (We’re still not sure what she was doing on that site, but that’s beside the point.) All of a sudden, here is a side of this person we never knew about, looking for trouble with strangers. We all discussed it and we’re not sure why Chris won’t show this side of himself to us. Isn’t his karma in seriously jeopardy for living this double life?
— Busted on the Hunt
You’re right to wrinkle your nose at your friend’s apparent hypocrisy, but we suggest you reserve judgment — for a while, at least. First, the seeming “proof” of an online profile might not be solid; the Web is teeming with charlatans and creeps, after all. Even if it is him, it’s his business not yours. We’re guessing it will turn out to be a positive ID, because such secrets always come out in the end. At least you now know why he’s the first to leave the bar: He’s home trolling for tricks online!
Dear Karma Cleanser:
For the past eight weeks I’ve been seeing a wonderful, caring man who is of Indian descent. It’s my first attempt to date anyone who wasn’t Caucasian, and I can tell he makes my close girlfriends uncomfortable. I overheard a comment at dinner recently about how my new boyfriend owns a Quik-E-Mart, which I decided to ignore.
I mentioned it to my date later and he said he gets shit about his heritage all the time, and that he’s even been called a terrorist. I realize that I’ve been guilty of making really off-color comments in the past, but I think I’ve been careful not to offend anyone. Is this relationship some sort of karma test for me, to pay for my mistakes in the past? How long will it last?
— Regretful Raver Girl
The Karma Cleanser can’t know if this guy came into your life as a way of absolving past sins, but it does look like his presence has cast your friends in a new and unflattering light. The greatest gift of dating is the knowledge it leaves you with about yourself — and sometimes about how immature even those closest to us can be. Put the petty girls on ice for a while and enjoy your passage to India.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in Apr 19-25, 2006.
