Dear Karma Cleanser:
My last real relationship ended after three years. It ended for many reasons, but the straw was him walking in on me and his best friend in a compromising position. That was five years ago. I’ve spent the latter half of my 20s totally alone. Not that I haven’t had some good times. There have been many men to come and go. I have addressed my guilt in therapy and have realized that, while what I did was horrible — one of the worst things you can do to another human — I have to stop punishing myself. My question is, once I have forgiven myself and trust myself with someone else’s emotions, how much longer will karma continue to punish me?
—I’m Doomed
Is cheating really the “worst thing you can do to another human”? What about invading a person’s homeland, slaughtering innocent civilians and destroying a country’s infrastructure — all for trumped-up reasons? Surely that’s worse than a little pokey-poke with the wrong guy. Anyway, your therapist is right: Forgive yourself, sister. Meaningless trysts and relationship trainwrecks are what your 20s are there for.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
A co-worker of mine, let’s call him Otto, came to my cubicle and had a strange demand. He wanted to buy me lunch. Now, some of you are probably thinking, “That’s not so strange. What a nice gesture.” Well, you are wrong. Otto and I are not friends. Our jobs do not overlap. His boss is on the same team as me. The reason Otto wanted to buy me lunch was because he thinks he is about to get fired. He is. Everyone in the office knows it. Except for Otto. I let him buy me lunch. Good food, at an expensive place near our office. He asked me, “Am I about to get fired?” I said I knew some layoffs were coming. I didn’t tell him the rest of what I know. I don’t want to get fired for telling something I shouldn’t. Is that so wrong?
—Appetite for Destruction
You’re wrong on at least two fronts: First for accepting the bribe (which is what your swanky lunch date amounts to), and second for not fulfilling your end of the bargain. Basically you took advantage of Otto’s desperation, made all the more despicable by your knowledge that he’s about to be out of work and broke. For the sake of your career karma, at least give the guy a decent parting gift once the downsizing begins.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in Oct 26 – Nov 1, 2005.
