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Bizarre reports from Charlotte police files

OH, ONE MORE THING: A man called the police to report the following threat was made against him: "I'm going to kill you for the ounce of cocaine you owe me." The man received this call at his place of work four times, and the man's boss has told the caller to stop calling. Hopefully the man's boss also told his employer to stop stealing cocaine.

RAGE V. POKE: A motorist became angry with the driver in front of him for going too slow. While at two different stoplights, the man afflicted with road rage got out and confronted the slow poke. Mr. Poke, thinking the incident was over, pulled into an AutoZone (perhaps to find ways to speed up his vehicle). Rage tried to run Poke over with his car in the parking lot and struck Poke in the legs with his vehicle. Poke received minor injuries and refused medical treatment.

STALKER EXCUSE NO. 26: A contractor found his client rummaging through his 1992 Plymouth Voyager outside his condominium. When caught, the rummager said, "I was only trying to see what you've been up to." There are less creepy (and legal) ways to see what someone has been up to. Some suggestions: a phone call, e-mail or singing telegram.

MARLBORO MATHEMATICS: Five cartons of cigarettes were stolen from a Central Avenue convenience store. An Eastland Mall security guard stopped the suspect in his car. The suspect gave back two of the five cartons and drove off with three.

LOST IN TRANSLATION: A 27-year-old Latino woman stated she was threatened in her native language by a caller. The caller said: "I will make you eat land." The woman advised no one is really planning on forcing her to graze. In her country, the statement means, "I will kill you."

NON-THREATENING THREAT OF THE WEEK: The following message was reported to police as a threat. The caller stated: "I've got something for you." According to the eloquently written police report: "The victim advised she is not sure if the suspect will carry out the threat but the victim advised that she took the threatening statement as a threat." What makes the victim so sure the "something" isn't something good? Like a trampoline.

Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.

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