*One fine morning, a man went into work to find this message on his answering machine: “Look, you dumb son of a bitch, I don’t want you to get back to me. I don’t want your goddamn stupid ass customers getting back to me and if you think I can’t track your motherfucking ass down, I can and I will and if I keep getting calls from these dumbasses you’ve cheated, I’m gonna come and I’m gonna kick your goddamn ass. Now you listen to that and think it’s real fucking funny, you fool.”
* A man allowed a homeless man to share his tent. Apparently, the next morning the homeless guest didn’t wake up and get moving quickly enough for his host, as he was punched in the left eye. The police report that “it appears the victim suffered more than one punch to the eye, based on the appearance of the injury.” The punchee only knew the puncher by the name of Levi.
* A man “solicited oral sex” from another man. The first guy accompanied the second guy up to the second guy’s room, where his solicitation was answered by being tied down against his will on the other man’s bed. The other man then stole his credit cards and his South Carolina driver’s license, and then his car.
* Educational Needs: A 28-year-old female received a total of six harassing phone calls. The unknown caller said he attended UNCC and needed monetary donations for his college fund.
*A Tale of Two Drunkards: An officer responded to a domestic dispute, but when he got there, both parties said the dispute started over a case of beer. A woman (who showed no evidence of an assault) stated that the man came out onto the balcony where she was drinking and, for no apparent reason, began to beat her on the head and chest with his fist. The woman kept telling the man that she was going to have him locked up again. According to the officer, “It is unknown what really took place at this time. The only thing I do know is that both suspects had been drinking.”
*A man let his friend borrow his car, provided that he bring it back to him by 6pm. When 1am rolled around and the car still wasn’t back in his driveway, he called the cops. The police, however, couldn’t do anything unless the car had been gone for 24 hours. About 4am, the borrower returned the car, saying he had been at church.
This article appears in Oct 17-23, 2001.
