Monday, November 3, 2008

How to move to Canada in four easy steps

Posted By on Mon, Nov 3, 2008 at 5:03 PM

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So, if November 5th comes and it turns out that your presidential candidate of choice didn’t win, don’t fret. Instead, take action.

Move to Canada.

Yes, Canada, the northern neighbor that has its borders open to you disgruntled voters who can’t deal with President McCain or Obama.

Americans often joked about moving to Canada after President George W. Bush was reelected in 2004. Some people weren’t playing. According to the Canadian Immigration website, 7,507 Americans became Canadians in 2004. In 2006, more than 10,000 Americans made the trip north to call Canada home.

This year, if you want to be in that number, follow these simple steps:

Step One: Get a passport.

You need a passport to return to the United States from Canada and in summer 2009, you will need a passport to drive across the Canadian boarder. Besides, if you don’t have a passport, you probably shouldn’t be thinking about leaving the States anyway. According to the Canadian Immigration Web site (www.cic.gc.ca) when you cross the border, you’re going to be stopped by an officer of the Canada Border Services Agency. Whatever you do, don’t say something stupid — like George Bush was the best president ever and you can’t bear to stay in the country if he’s not ruling it. Once the officer clears you, you’re free to drive into the country.

Step Two: Become a citizen.

Obviously you have decided that you want to live here because the thought of that guy being the president is too much to bear. Danielle Norris, a spokeswoman with Citizenship and Immigration, says there are several ways to come to Canada. “You can come as a temporary resident and get a work permit,” she says. But don’t think working at McDonald’s is going to get you across the border. “You have to meet a demand, so if there is a demand needed by a certain organization in Canada, then you can apply as a temporary foreign worker,” she says. Also, you have to have a knowledge of the country, because there will be a test! According to the immigration Web site, new citizens must: know the rights and responsibilities of citizens, such as the right and responsibility to vote. You must also know some things about Canada’s history and geography, and about its political system.

Step Three: Get a medical examination.

According to the site: “To protect the health and safety of Canadians, as well as reduce and prevent excessive demand on Canada’s health and social services system permanent or temporary resident applicants may be required to undergo a medical exam, if you are applying to immigrate to Canada.”

In other words, don’t bring your sick ass here! If you’re not healthy, they don’t want you in Canada, because they’re going to have to pay for your medical care. Put down that cheeseburger if you’re trying to get out of here in January. And it wouldn’t hurt to take up running so that you look better to the health officials in Canada.

Step Four: Decide if you want to speak French or English.

Canada is officially bilingual, unlike the United States where Spanish is an unofficial second language. To even be considered to be a citizen, you have to demonstrate the ability to speak one of the languages well enough to communicate easily with others. And Southern drawl does not count as a language, y’all.

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