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Monday, January 27, 2014

The Death of Dating

Posted By on Mon, Jan 27, 2014 at 10:06 AM

When I became single, I foolishly assumed that people still went on dates. Apparently dating is a lost art, at least with the guys in Charlotte that I meet via online dating. It should be called what it is: online booty calling. In my foray into the single life, I have been asked out on only a handful of dates. The invitations to sex, however, have been plentiful.

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I am sure there are men genuinely interested in forming relationships with women. Unfortunately, I have not met many. The men I meet seem to only want sex and they will take the road of least resistance to get it. There are so many men who initiate conversations and who say they are looking for more than sex, yet expect sex from the get go.

There has been a story circulating online this week about male Reddit user OKCThrowaway22221, who posed as a woman and set up a fake online dating profile. Prior to his experiment, he was convinced that women had it easier in the online dating world. He admits now he was wrong. He lasted a mere two hours before taking down the profile in disgust:

Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.

I lasted three weeks on my latest round of online dating before taking my profile down last week. I met a couple of nice guys, but I met a lot of jerks too.

Exhibit A
I met M for a beer at Hickory Tavern and we watched football. We discovered some similar interests and values. There weren't huge sparks but I liked him enough to see him again. We talked about getting together the following weekend. On Saturday evening I suggested we meet for brunch in the morning. He suggested I come over immediately. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that. He asked again. I declined again. I told him that driving to his house at 11 p.m. sounded like a booty call and I wasn't interested in that. He called me a few names and that was that.

Exhibit B
I am not shy online so I often initiate contact, but C reached out to me first. We messaged a bit and then talked on the phone during my lunch break. An hour later he texted "Why don't you come to my place tonight." I told him that I would prefer to meet him somewhere public. He got upset that I didn't trust him, said that he was a man not a boy, assumed that I hooked up with younger better looking men all the time, told me that sex is the "easiest thing" for him to get, and good bye. Yikes. Seems I ruffled someone's feathers.

Exhibit C
I was really hoping K was different. We texted for several days and spoke on the phone a few times. He wasn't rushing anything. One afternoon he texted me to say that he changed his prior plans for the evening because he wanted to take me out for dinner and drinks and a movie instead. Finally!!! A real date. I was excited. However, over the next few hours the plans changed to just dinner, and then to just drinks. And then he insinuated that we would be spending the night together. When I texted back "I'm looking for more than a hook-up. We are on the same page, right?" he got defensive, said he didn't need me because he could hook himself up, and told me to "enjoy your day" (i.e. kiss off!). Another one bites the dust.

So that's it. I give up for now. The examples above are only the latest in a long string of men who want all the benefits of a relationship but don't want to exert any effort into earning my trust, respect or admiration. My theory is that women are so eager for love that they have set the bar too low and men have gotten lazy. When sex is easier to get, love is harder to find.

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