If anyone was worried that City Council would abandon its overriding mission of serving Charlotte’s financial bigshots, last week should have come as a relief. The city’s governing body voted 8-2 against appointing a committee to study a proposal — not even against the proposal itself, but against even studying a proposal — to let Charlotte inspectors tighten the protection of wetlands against developers’ disregard of existing laws. Councilmembers Sara Spencer and Nancy Carter cast the two dissenting votes. Some residents and the city’s inspectors spoke in favor of the proposal, pointing out that using city inspectors rather than the stretched-thin crew of federal inspectors wouldn’t cost much since city inspectors already identify wetlands as part of the current rezoning process. But when spokespersons for some of the largest developers in the area attacked the idea, you could almost hear the councilmembers’ knees creaking in genuflection. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “kneejerk reaction.”
Queens College officials announced they’re changing the name of the school to Queens University of Charlotte, which inspired other institutions in town to follow suit. One day later, UNC-Charlotte officials announced that beginning in the fall, the school will be known as UNC-Chapel Hill. In addition, Gus’s Sir Beef will soon change its name to Sonoma Bistro, and the Charlotte Observer wants everyone to call them The New York Times. Not to be outdone, Mayor Fratboy announced he’s legally changing his name to Ronald Reagan; hizzoner’s self-aggrandizement, however, was trumped by County Commissioner Bill James who from now on will be known simply as Napoleon IV.
US Sen. Jesse Helms (R-Jim Crow) underwent an operation to replace a worn-out pig valve he’s had in his heart for 10 years. Contrary to many readers’ wishes, there will be no “worn-out pig” jokes in this fine, family-oriented column.
The future New Orleans Hornets split two games with the Orlando Magic in Charlotte, then headed to Orlando where they looked great winning the third game of the series, even though their leading scorer, Jamal Mashburn, didn’t play due to illness. The Hornets are obviously more comfortable on the road, where they at least get to play before large crowds of screaming fans. Granted, they’re screaming for the other team, but the Bugs say that’s preferable to playing in the sports equivalent of a bell jar. And in one last “screw you” to the people of Charlotte, Hornets co-owners Lemonhead and Trailerboy showed up for the team’s away games in Orlando after refusing to show their pasty mugs at the team’s home games.
Observer Alarmist Headline of the Week: South’s Suburbs Exploding
This article appears in May 1-7, 2002.
