The War President finally held a press conference last week and not surprisingly, most of the questions centered around 9/11 and the handling of the War Against Terror (Iraq Edition). Bush was impressive, if you consider that this was only the third prime-time press conference he’s held since being appointed President. At this rate, another couple of press conferences and Bush may actually be able to answer some of the questions.
Bush stuck to his familiar formula of responding with a set of stock soundbites that may or may not have anything to do with the question being asked. The one new Rovean twist this time around was wearing a “hypno-tie,” apparently designed to mesmerize Americans into believing that he indeed was changing the world and not simply changing the subject. Even a seven-second delay wouldn’t have helped that wardrobe malfunction.
As the press conference wore on, my patience wore thin, causing my mind to wander. I thought about the fun that someone once discovered by playing Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon while watching The Wizard of Oz. Since I had a copy of Humphrey Bogart in The Caine Mutiny in my DVD player, I decided to try something similar. I mean, it was apparent that Bush wasn’t going to answer any questions, so why not have Bogey answer them for him?
Question: One of the biggest criticisms of you is that whether it’s WMD in Iraq, postwar planning in Iraq, or even the question of whether this administration did enough to ward off 9/11, you never admit a mistake. Do you believe you made any errors in judgment related to any of those topics?
(click) Queeg/Dubya: Ah, but the strawberries! That’s where I had them! They laughed at me and made jokes, but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt, and with geometric logic, that a duplicate key to the wardroom icebox did exist! And I’d have produced that key if they hadn’t pulled Caine out of action! I-I-I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow officer and…Naturally, I can only cover these things from memory. If I’ve left anything out, why, just ask me specific questions and I’ll be glad to answer them…one-by-one…
This article appears in Apr 21-27, 2004.
