The Fourth of July is mostly about cookouts, cold beer, and fireworks, it’s true, but it’s also the ideal time to reflect on America’s heritage and ideals. We have an impressive history of being at our best when times are the worst, mostly because of the noble principles the nation was founded on. We’ve been lucky enough, too, to have had our share of articulate and charismatic leaders — leaders with the exhilarating eloquence of Arnold or Clint, except for real. Let’s compare the words of American Presidents past and present to see how we measure up on this Brave New Fourth:
Thomas Jefferson: “War is an instrument entirely inefficient toward redressing wrong, and multiplies, instead of indemnifying, losses.”
George W Bush (during the first Presidential debate): “The reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war.”
Test the Bush “Pre-emptive War Is Peace” doctrine at home. Casually tell your wife how her ass is beginning to resemble an industrial-size tub of cottage cheese — pre-empting any future weight gain, of course — then enjoy the years of peaceful bliss that follow.
Theodore Roosevelt: “To announce that there must be no criticism of the president, or that we are to stand by the president, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.”
George W. Bush (Texas State House, May 21, 1999 referring to the disparaging gwbush.com website): “There ought to be limits to freedom.”
Early American flag: a coiled snake over the defiant words “Don’t tread on me.”
The Bush flag: a thin-skinned WASP buzzing over a similarly threatening credo, “Don’t fuck with me.”
Abraham Lincoln: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
George W Bush (Nashville, TN, Sept. 17, 2002): “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
Um, what Abe said. . .
This article appears in Jul 2-8, 2003.
