Nearly everyone has played the card game War at one time or another. Now, though, not only can you vicariously live the life of a rogue superpower warlord by playing a child’s game, you can be as petty and partisan as the real thing while doing it.When Baghdad fell, the US Armed Forces Command issued a simple deck of playing cards to military personnel stationed in Iraq. Besides the normal suits and ranks found on regular card decks, they also had pictures of Iraq’s Most Wanted printed on them: leaders and henchmen who went on the lamb when Saddam’s regime began to crumble.
These kinds of cards have been used in past wars to get extra sets of eyes ferreting out fugitives hiding among the common folk. In fact, the cards likely aided in the capture of the Five of Hearts, Huda Salih Mahdi Ammash (dubbed Mrs. Anthrax by authorities), which then led to the capture of the notorious Dr. Germ (Rihab Rashid Taha) who doesn’t have a card but was #197 on the overall most wanted list. It’s only a matter of time before we track down Colonel Mustard Gas (#2638). My guess is that he’s in the madrassa with a lead pipe bomb.
As befits our trend-sucking culture, the cards became an immediate must-have item for people with too much time on their hands. “Authentic” decks popped up on E-Bay with prices running into the hundreds of dollars, and soon the market was flooded with them, as well as acknowledged knock-off cards — to the point where you can now get them for as little as six or seven bucks. http://www.greatusa flags.com/product _info.php?products_id= 96&aff_id=17&aff_sub_id=251-M2P_0004
In the true American entrepreneurial spirit, though, people have found a way to further milk the cash cow till it’s dried up and ready for the Value Menu at Mickey D’s.
For instance, you can now get an “American Heroes” deck featuring George W. Bush as the Ace of Spades (Saddam held the same value in the Most Wanted Deck) for $7.95. http://www.gagsplus.com/heroes/index.shtml
But wait, there’s more!
For vindictive pro-war supporters, there’s the $14.95 “Deck of Weasels” with French President Jacques Chirac as the Ace of Spades, Michael Moore as the King of Hearts, and Woody Harrelson as the Five of Hearts. http://www.newsmax.com/weasels/162.shtml
If you’re on the other side of the war issue, for the same $14.95 you can get the “Republican Chickenhawks” deck featuring Dick Cheney as the Ace of Spades with GWB and Weapons of Mass Destruction as the two Jokers. http://www.chickenhawkcards.com/
If you’d rather play with the big boys, you can get the “War Profiteers” deck for only $10. This set features the World Trade Organization as the Ace of Spades, with Bechtel’s George Schultz and the Carlyle Group’s James Baker as the King and Queen of Diamonds, respectively. http://www.warprofiteers.com/
No word yet on when Miss Cleo’s Iraqi War Tarot cards will be available.
This article appears in May 21-27, 2003.
