Dear Karma Cleanser:
I was sitting in a movie theater waiting for my movie to start. The person in the row in front of me leaned over and tapped the person in front of him and asked if they knew each other. They started talking like old friends, shooting some shit before the movie started.
What they did not realize was that I knew about two-thirds of the people they were talking about, and that I was sitting there hanging on their every word.
They proceeded to talk some serious smack about one of my ex-girlfriends; they called her almost every name in the proverbial book and listed three people she had screwed over in the past year. My name was not mentioned, so I sat there and played dumb.
Later, I told my ex-girlfriend about this, and she could not figure out who the guys were. She was also mad at me for not speaking up and defending her. Anyway, I now feel bad for blabbing my mouth like I did — I mean, what good did it really do? Maybe I should have just kept it to myself?
— Coming Distractions
We can see why you’re no longer with the ex — she sounds like a cold-blooded harpy who only thinks of herself. You were right in not speaking up: The First Amendment also covers those unfortunate situations where you’re held prisoner by other folks’ annoying conversations, and it just happened that this one involved dirt on someone you know. Then again, if every trip to the multiplex included this much drama and intrigue, we’re guessing that Hollywood wouldn’t be suffering from such a sales slump.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
My wife’s family hates me. It’s not quite as bad as Meet the Parents, but close. I suggested we buy my wife’s mom an iPod Mini for her birthday. She agreed, but when we gave it to her she said she didn’t know how to install the software. I did it for her, and when I did it caused her computer to crash. The computer is still in the shop.
I don’t want to say this has turned ugly, but it has. The mom is now not speaking to me, which is only slightly better than the cordial treatment I received before. What did I do to deserve this?
— iSuck
Maybe you should have bought the Nano. Just kidding. Yours is a classic case of good intentions and the highway to Hades. If your mama-in-law can’t see the inherent worth of the original gift, then she maybe doesn’t deserve an iPod. In our book, those fashionable white headphones should be reserved for the true of heart. If only. If only.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in Nov 16-22, 2005.
