Dear Karma Cleanser:
I’ve been reading your column pretty much since it started and I find your observations funny, if sometimes predictable. I have never had a need to write in until now. I have decided that I need help with my sexual karma. The last four individuals who I have tried to date have all turned out to be bad news. One woman was sweet and very friendly. Then I discovered that she was a prostitute. Another woman knocked me out with her good looks and also knew how to make me laugh. Things were wonderful — until she robbed me blind.
I won’t bore you with the details of the other two, but let’s just say that the last time I tried to date someone, I got my nose broken.
I know you have answered letters before from people who say they have no luck in love. I am not going to be the one who says, “What did I do to deserve this?” I just want to know if I should quit dating now while I still have an apartment and all four limbs?
—The 32-Year-Old Virgin
Thanks for reading, and for the backhanded compliment. Sounds like you’ve had plenty of reasons to write before now. The answer to your predicament is easy. Stop dating. Give it up. Call in the dogs. Hang out the “No Vacancy” sign. You’re obviously longing for something that these succubi can’t provide, so stop compromising yourself to find it. After you spend some QT with your new best friend (yourself), maybe the universe will lead you to the one you really needed all along. Or maybe not. Some folks are better off alone. Now was that a predictable answer?
Dear Karma Cleanser:
Several weeks back, a distant relative of mine passed away. He left me a small inheritance. It’s not a lot of money. I can use the money, but at the same time my bills are all paid up, and I do not have a lot of expenses.
I was speaking on the phone with a cousin the other day. She asked me if our uncle (the one who died) had left me anything. I lied and said that he had not.
I feel like I’m being greedy by lying to her. She has two infant children and a no-good husband. Will my karma be compromised if I don’t tell my cousin about the inheritance? I now think this money is going to be tainted and only bring bad things with it.
—Green Giant
You should feel guilty about your lie, not about your windfall. Ask yourself why you kept the news from her, and what’s really going on here. If it’s not about the money (and we think it probably is), then why not split the loot with someone who could obviously use a little help?
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in Aug 31 – Sep 6, 2005.
