Copycat: In a 1999 episode of “The Simpsons,” Homer became a temporary multi-billionaire by accidentally inventing a “tomacco” plant that sprouted tobacco-bred tomatoes that were hopelessly addictive from even a single bite. Inspired (and hoping to draw attention to the show’s anti-smoking message), Rob Baur of Lake Oswego, Ore., tried to grow such a plant and has somewhat succeeded, although a forensic researcher believes that only the plant itself, not the fruit, contains nicotine. In February, he announced that he would auction off the golf ball-sized fruit.
Unclear on the concept: Ronald Paul McAllister, 43, allegedly robbed a Bank of America branch in Tulsa, Okla., in January, during which he was quoted as advising a teller, “Don’t do anything stupid, lady.” Moments later, as McAllister fled with his loot, he forgot to take his holdup note, which was a pre-printed withdrawal slip with his name on it. He was easily tracked down, and police now say McAllister had robbed another bank in October.
Convicted murderer Robert Ivey continued to tell a court in Montreal, Quebec, in December that (contrary to a jury’s finding) he is not guilty of killing the 42-year-old victim and that if only he had enough money to challenge the conclusive DNA tests (which showed that his blood was all over the victim’s apartment), he would be a free man. A few moments later, during his recitation to the court, Ivey asked the judge for credit toward his sentencing because of his conscientiousness in having spent “seven hours” cleaning up the crime scene and the victim’s body.
Breaking records: In November, Jacky Bibby, 52, of Whiskey Flats, Texas (near Fort Worth), first sat in a bathtub with 81 live rattlesnakes and then extended his own Guinness Book record by stuffing the tails of nine of them into his mouth. Protocol required that he band the tails together at the rattles and hold them in his mouth for 10 seconds while leaning forward. (The Associated Press reported that Bibby’s day job is “marketing” for a drug treatment center.) (Also, in December, Brian Moffitt of Winnipeg, Manitoba, extended his Guinness Book record of 702 body piercings by inserting 900 surgical needles into his leg at the same time.)
Geologist David J. Siveter of Leicester University (England) wrote in the journal Science in December that he and his team had found a fossil 425 million years old that is probably the oldest record of an unambiguously male animal. They named the half-inch-long shellfish Colymbosathon ecplecticos, which they said means “swimmer with a large penis,” referring to its organ that is one-fifth of its body length.
Conditional love: Eva Reyes, 71, the mother of convicted murderer David Maust of Hammond, Ind., said in December, upon being informed that Maust had been charged with three more murders: “I love David, but, yes, [the death penalty] would be the right thing to do for him [if convicted].” Also in December, Lynda Nixon, the mother of convicted double murderer Ian Huntley (Soham, England), told The Sun newspaper: “I believe Ian should not live after what he’s done. I truly wish we had capital punishment” (and she went on to specify an “electric chair”).
Recurring themes: In January, doctors at the Selian Hospital, Arusha, Tanzania, removed a toothbrush from the stomach of a 54-year-old man who had become the latest person to swallow one while brushing his teeth. And in December in Cortland, N.Y., Ron Tanner was captured after about a year on the run as a fugitive from a prison in Wyoming, where he was serving time for theft. Tanner is now the latest innocent man (the Wyoming Supreme Court recently threw out his theft conviction) jailed for escaping from a prison where he was being wrongfully detained, and he faces up to 10 years behind bars if convicted.
The district of calamity (continued): In January, a government audit revealed that the district last year had failed to use (and therefore had lost) $5 million in federal grants for breakfast and lunch programs for low-income children because it could not figure out how to spend it.
2004 CHUCK SHEPHERD
This article appears in Feb 25 – Mar 2, 2004.
