The only thing worse than bad pick-up lines are my responses to them.
Dude: We should chill sometime.
Me: How does one chill? Do you want to hang out in a walk-in fridge or something?
Dude: Can I text you sometime?
Me: Whatever happened to talking? Like back in school when you use to say you were “talking” to someone. No one talks anymore.
Dude: If you were a booger, I’d pick you.
Me: Oh, do I have a booger? (lean head back) How’s the weather — sunny, or cloudy?
Dude (with Coolio): That’s my future baby mama! (pointing at me)
Me: Did you just call dibs on my uterus?
Dude: I saw you on Facebook.
Me: And I think I saw you on America’s Most Wanted!
… and that is why I’m single.
What are some of the worst pick-up lines (or responses to them) you’ve heard?
This article appears in Apr 26 – May 2, 2011.
While in the states last week we kept a running list, the two that were the ‘best’ were on bourbon street: ‘hey baby, wanna earn some beads later?’ and at the Florabama on the Florida/Alabama border with ‘if I told you I was sponsored by the police in the mullet toss next week, would you come watch me?’ .. uhhh, thanks dude but I have better things to do then watch you throw a fish across a state line.
The funniest one I heard was last week:
Dude: “Ma’am, do you drive a Corvette?”
Me: “Ah no sorry I don’t,”
Dude: “Well, you should because you’re shaped like one.”
Me: laughing too hard to respond
then later I think, “did that guy mean I had a fat ass?”