Comrades: Obama tried, but it was a disaster. Only 24 hours after the President’s valiant attempt to indoctrinate kids about the joys of communism, the heroic effort seems to have failed. We’ve received disturbing reports all morning from schools across the county that children are showing up for class with clear eyes, a cooperative attitude and not the least interest in rioting, taking over their schools, or calling Congress to support death panels for their grandparents. Even more disturbing, early accounts report that more than 50 percent of students barely remember the President’s speech at all — something about Fruity Pebbles causing memory loss. Arrgghhh! And we no-good commies thought we had the kids just where we wanted them. Just our luck, though, those darned conservative patriots had to catch on to the scheme, forcing Obama to change his speech to present counter-revolutionary ideas like “study hard” and “responsibility.” Curse you, you wise and well-informed right-wingers! Sigh-h-h-h-h. Oh well, maybe next time.
This article appears in Sep 8-15, 2009.
