How to recover from “too much” sex

First let me say, I never thought I could have too much of a good thing. And trust me when I say boy toy is a good–great–thing.

But a rainy Memorial Day reminded me that it really is OK to take a break. It’s a shame that I didn’t figure that out until Tuesday. Yes, today.

So, how do you get your lady parts to stop from throbbing? Unlike drinking, having more sex isn’t the answer.

Boy toy took a look down there last night and was surprised at how swollen it was. His bright idea?

“Put some ice on it.”

Not a good idea. But for some reason, I said sure. What I didn’t realize was that he planned to use his lips and tongue to apply the ice.

When he was done and I’d told him I was seriously hurting, we got on the Internet to see if there was something I could do (because he’s banned from touching me) to make my lovely lady lumps feel better.

The Frisky says:

1. Back(teria) Off: When your skin is feelin’ thin, you are more susceptible to bacteria. So, avoid further complications by…

* Only wear soft cotton undies. Anything else will get all up in your girl grill and start trouble.

* Don’t cross your legs. In fact, sit with your thighs slightly apart. And don’t wear a mini skirt!

* Don’t wear pants, even pantyhose.

2. It’s A Relief: To soothe your pain, you can put on some Vaseline, pure 100% Aloe Vera gel or even some lube after the fact on the red ladybits. Just don’t go shoving it up where the sun don’t shine.

Of course he wanted to help again, and said seriously, he wasn’t going to try anything. Whatever. The Vaseline actually worked. But I think the best thing to do after damaging your lady parts is rest, alone, with no panties on.

This article appears in May 26 – Jun 2, 2009.