I’m getting fat again

By Mike Huckabee

Trust me folks, it’s no big deal that, after suffering a number of consecutive defeats in the primaries, I’ve decided to scale back campaign spending. Instead I’ll spend the money on food.

And not the healthy kind. Ever since I was betrayed by my Christian brethren in South Carolina, I’ve been on a steady diet of artery-cloggin’ junk food. Now I’m spending money on Arby’s instead of ads; Dunkin’ Donuts instead of direct mail; hot dogs instead of hookers. Truth is, even when I lost my weight, I still saw a fat man in the mirror. Unfortunately, it’s not all in my head anymore.

But let’s pray the situation can reverse itself. It’s all on Florida. If I disappoint Chuck Norris, he promised to use me as a bow-flex. And I don’t know how to explain that much male on male straddling to my base.

News Groper features more than 50 parody blogs by politicians, celebrities, business tycoons, and foreign despots.

This article appears in Jan 23-29, 2008.