The first of a new daily series, writer Cheris Hodges watches an ass-load of local and national TV morning shows and reports on the resulting crap.
Waking up is hard enough. Watching morning TV is harder.
Fox News Rising started my morning with some of the weirdest stories.
First, they had a segment with two football fans building large subs in Subway — that’s just the image I need before having my coffee in the morning: mayo and bread. Whoever built their huge sandwich first would prove that their team, either the Pittsburgh Steelers or the Arizona Cardnials, would win the Super Bowl.
Then there’s a new segment, the “30 Second Job Pitch,” where laid-off workers can e-mail the station and post a video for employers to see. If the person is picked, he or she will join Mark Mathis and his blond co-host to make a 30-second job pitch to employers at the station. Good idea, but do people who actually own businesses watch this show?
If you live near Lake Norman, you have an excuse to be late to work this morning: a fatal accident closed one lane of I-77 North.
One thing all of the morning shows are sure of is that it will rain today. At some point. Maybe.
NewsChannel 36’s morning show anchors laugh a lot. At each other that is. Then they try to get serious.
Home Depot’s closing of The Design Center is a top story on Channel 36. It does suck that the new Uptown center is going to have such a huge hole in it. But the liquidation sale starts today.
Police are investigating a home invasion and shooting on Vera Court.
There will be a job fair in King’s Mountain at the YMCA on Cleveland Avenue.
And guess what: 485 is backed up! What’s up with Charlotteans and morning accidents?
Over on WSOC-TV, the anchors are trying to be really serious and that translates into boring. Thank God it’s time for Good Morning America. Where a woman in California just gave birth to eight babies. And guess what Citigroup has done with your bailout money? Purchased a luxury jet.
Back to the eight babies, the family was only expecting seven. They were delivered in five minutes and everyone made it through the first night. The doctors said they encourage the mother to breast feed. WTF?
Flipping over to the Today Show and guess what? They’re talking about the eight babies, too.
Ah, The Early Show on CBS has Illinois Governor, Rob Blagojevich. Is this man on crack? While the trial to impeach him is going on, he’s touring the morning shows.
“If this is unfair as you say, why didn’t you challenge this?”
“This is a quasi-judicial process and the courts don’t get involved,” he said.
So, you’re challenging it on TV? Because people just believe everything they see on TV? Right. That has to be a hair piece sitting on top of his head. Blagojevich says he wasn’t trying to sell Barack Obama’s senate seat, he just wanted help pass health care reform. And how dare he keep invoking Oprah Winfrey’s name.
President Barack Obama is trying to get his stimulus package passed and violence has erupted in Gaza again. Obama sent former Sen. Mitchell in to the region and said he told him to start by listening.
The switch to digital TV has been delayed until June, still time to dump Time Warner and get a dependable digital TV service.
All of the morning shows are now talking about money. We’re broke and Mark Mathis has the whitest teeth I’ve ever seen on TV.
It’s snowing in D.C. this week; aren’t their 2 million people somewhere happy that the Inauguration was last week?
Chuck Todd on MSNBC is a reporter you can trust! Why? Because he’s standing in the snow in Washington holding a cup of Starbucks on Morning Joe. He, like everyone else in the 7 a.m. hour is about to talk about President Obama’s economic package.
HLN’s Morning Express with the annoying Robin Meade is talking about Presidential regrets. This I can’t wait to hear. Cable news shows have a lot of commercials in the morning.
Clinton said if he had a do-over, he would have gotten the Mideast peace plan accepted. Really? No regret for cheating with the intern?
The first President Bush said he wishes he would’ve gotten rid of Saddam Hussien in 1991 and it would’ve prevented the current war. You think?
Oprah said it was amusing that her name was bounced around. She said had she heard the news while she was on the treadmill, she would’ve fallen off. **Insert joke here.**
CNN’s American Morning is basically repeating what everyone else has said. They’re talking about Rod Blago. I think he’s inhaled too much hair product and it’s rotting his brain.
Breaking news, Corning is cutting 3,500 jobs. Funny, when companies cut jobs, they always start from the bottom and never the top. It’s the people at the top that fucked the company up.
Rush Limbaugh says President Obama is afraid of him. Hmmm, Obama has the strength of the U.S. government and secret service, Limbaugh has a drug problem. Obama wins!
There has been a Ron Paul sighting! He says all of the billions for bailouts and whatnot are a disaster.
Back to Fox News Rising, Mark Mathis just told the chef not to touch him. Seriously.
The Today Show states the obvious, candles and heating systems causes the most house fires in the winter.
On GMA, Tony Dungy picks the Steelers to win the Super Bowl.
This article appears in Jan 27 – Feb 3, 2009.
