Sex Q&A: Dr. I Major talks Little White Whys

Dr. I. Major isn’t Steve Harvey.

That’s why you should listen to him. As a clinical psychologist, Major’s information on dating, love and life is a lot more complete than the pop culture books on the shelves these days. Because, you’re really going to trust someone named Superhead to give you relationship advice?

Major spoke to Creative Loafing about his book and gave some advice to women who are sick of being lied to and cheated on. Seem fitting that he shared all of this information right before Valentine’s Day.

Creative Loafing: Why did you decide to write this book?

Major: A couple of different reasons. The big reason is because as a psychiatrist, I see a lot of patients and most of them are female patients. When they are coming in the most common complaint is depression or they feel like they are at the end of their rope. When you start asking the questions as to what got them to that point, it usually goes back to some form of a failed relationship with a guy. At some point in time, some guy lied to them. That was one of the big reasons I decided to write it.

With your book, you lay out red flags women should look for. How did you come up with them?

A lot of it has come from the patients I have seen in the office and in couple’s therapy. A lot of it has come from friends and family and a lot of it came from interviews I did in doing the research for the book.

What is the biggest mistake women make after finding out they’ve been cheated on?

The most common thing is getting mad at the wrong person. They usually get mad at the person the guy was cheating with and they should be focused on, number one the guy himself. And number two they should also be focused on themselves. I tell people all the time that it takes two people to be in an unhappy relationship. People cheat because they aren’t happy. If you’re the second half of that equation, then you have to turn the microscope on yourself and say — what was I missing? What could I have done differently because everyone has to take responsiblity.

But, that’s hard to do — especially when you want to blame the other person in the relationship.

It is hard, because we don’t like to do it. It hurts. It requires a lot of work to fix that type thing. But we’re so overwhelmed with life stuff, with bills and work and family. It’s hard to take that time and adjust on a very personal level.

What advice to you have to someone trying to heal from cheating?

You have to give yourself time. Take time to really think about the relationship. Go back to the beginning of the relationship, what was it that really attracted you to the guy. What made it so special to be with him and from there, think about what made it get off track. Something went wrong down the road. Something went unsaid and something went undone. There was something he felt was missing and he may or may not have given you a chance to correct it. Then the next decision the woman has to make is where she wants to go with this relationship. Is there something to salvage or is she done and ready to move on?

Want a copy of Little White Whys? Log on to Amazon or Major’s website, www.littlewhitewhys.com

This article appears in Feb 9-15, 2010.