The bakery is closed

“When you gonna let me sample the goodies?”

You’re familiar with the saying “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet,” — that’s Shakespeare for you non-reading folks.

The Goodies, peach cobbler, cookies, cream puffs or whatever you call the female genitalia — it’s still the same — but stepping to a female uttering a sentence is above and beyond disrespectful. ESPECIALLY in the 25 and up crowd.

My response: The bakery is closed.

Whatever happened to the days of getting to know someone and letting things progress naturally until you decide the man is worthy of the peach cobbler? Maybe there’s a permanent full moon that’s out in 2009 that allows these fools to utter the words—“when you gonna let me hit that, cause I can do this and I’m working with that.”

Blink. Blink.

Are you kidding me?

I’m sorry, but I think the women are going to have to take a hit on this one. It’s a vicious cycle:

I blame those chicks out there that find this bullshit cute and see nothing wrong with keeping the bakery open 24/7 letting folks sample the pastries.

Then in turn, those same men think the next chick they meet will have the same philosophy and allow him to come right on in and put his finger and other unmentionables in the pudding.

So no wonder diseases run rampant these days.

I’m trying to wrap my brain around the women that turn these fools down that get the response “oh you must not like sex” or “you must be a lesbian.”

Say what?

Just because some of us have self-esteem and value our bakeries then we have the issues?

I’d rather have my sweets in tact and be able to look myself in the mirror the next day in all my prettiness, rather than have to deal with the ish that comes with jumping in the sack with someone I know nothing about.

So excuse us for having standards and not willing to just leave the door unlocked for you to stick the doughnut and leave your glaze all over it only to turn around and do it to someone else tomorrow.

Lesson Learned: Fellas, it’s 2009, you’ve got to do better. Many of you wonder why you can’t find a good woman. Take a step back, look at how you approach us and think to yourself: would you want your mother, sister, cousin, or even daughter to drop the panties for lame lines like that? No, I think not. You’d want them to keep the bakery locked up tight with the key in a safe until the time is right.

Ladies, we as women deserve to be celebrated rather than treated like an old stale lemon cake. If these men want to satisfy their sweet tooth without handling their biz the correct way, then politely remind them: They have two good hands, use them.

This article appears in Jun 30 – Jul 7, 2009.