A Rutgers article answers a question a lot of single women want to know.
Why doesn’t he want to get married?
Men prefer being solo over a bad marriage: study
By Belinda Goldsmith Mon Jun 2, 1:26 AM ET
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) – Bachelor Carl Weisman got fed up of being classified as a playboy, a loser or a commitment-phobe so he set out to find out exactly why he and a growing number of eligible men were steering clear of marriage.
Weisman, 49, conducted a survey of 1,533 heterosexual men to research a book aiming to give women an insight into why some smart, successful men opted to stay single — and help lifelong bachelors understand why they are still the solo man at parties.
He concluded that most men were not afraid of marriage — but they were afraid of a bad marriage.
“Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all,” Weisman told Reuters in a telephone interview.
“This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don’t marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures.”
The release of his book “So Why Have You Never Been Married? – Ten Insights into Why He Hasn’t Wed,” comes amid a growing trend for more people to stay single, with less social or religious pressures on men — and women — to tie the knot.
Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6 percent of men aged in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17 percent.
AFRAID TO MAKE MISTAKES
Weisman said his online survey found there are three groups of bachelors — about 8 percent who never want to marry, 62 percent want to marry but of which half won’t settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30 percent who are on the fence.
Four out of 10 bachelors did not want children compared to three out of 10 wanting to be a father. The rest were undecided.
But while 72 percent of respondents said they were not afraid of marriage, about half of them said the situation that scared them most was marrying the wrong person.
“It’s so important to these men to get it right. My best advice to single women after bachelors is to be patient. If you’re in a hurry to get married you’ll be frustrated,” he said.
Weisman also found that financial issues, both positive and negative, played a large part in men’s fear of commitment.
“Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool,” said Weisman, an engineer-turned-author with two books now published.
“While those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them.”
Weisman said his research blew away any idea that single men were unhappy.
“A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life,” he said. “They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married.”
For him, researching the book made him also look at himself — and he ended up living with a girlfriend for the first time.
“Now we’re looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn’t change, nothing would,” he said.
This article appears in May 28 – Jun 3, 2008.
I like manly men. If a man told me he knew the ins and outs of Sex and the City I would punch him in the face before running in the opposite direction from his candy ass.
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Men don’t want to marry women anymore because 90% of women has narcissistic personality disorder or PMS (Princess Mentality Syndrome). Women think that every man on the planet, regardless of how smart or pretty or lovable they are, should kiss their ass 24/7. Women think they can get men to do whatever they want by using sex and it doesn’t work like that. Women have been watching too much tv with all this Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives nonsense plus trying to be Hollywood sluts like Paris, Britney and Lindsay.
Men aren’t falling for it because women need sex more than men do. We can get it for free and then send you away with all of your emotional problems. We are allowing women to use us to make children and then never get to see them after the divorce while the wife gets alimony and child support for doing nothing. Women can call the police if men say anything they don’t like or just lie and have us thrown in jail. Then are careers are ruined with that on our records and all because they think it’s fun to be a drama queen like some Hollywood fantasy of a sick child. The age of the woman is over.
Women these days can’t do anything their mothers did. They can’t raise children properly. They can’t cook or clean, not that women should do all of it but women are the core of the household. Since women were lied to by feminism which told them men were evil and that they should have careers along side men then this is the fruit they have born: misery, suffering and loneliness. Relationships are about give and take, not an adolescent fantasy that every man in the world would do anything just to get you in the sack and then trying to use that lie to manipulate all of us. Gender roles exist for a reason. It doesn’t mean they can’t be broken but they form the foundation of our society and women have ruined it permanently.
Women have some issues that I believe have been exposed a lot more in recent years because of their insistence on creating a more equal work and social environment to men (which is an understandable issue). I don’t understand this however, basically because biologically the male and female were obviously not created the same way. Men are much physically stronger than women. Men are much more likely to keep a level head in tense situations. Men have obviously dominated the world for the past 10,000 years at least which I doubt was a huge mistake. Not to mention a majority of females work better under male supervisors than females. The underlying problem is women just have to have it both ways. This is especially an issue in the south where women want all of this attention and all of this special treatment from a guy, yet when it comes down to his needs they don’t seem to matter. A guy is always expected to pay for things, to open doors, to listen to and agree to almost anything, and to basically cater to a girls every need and forget his other friends . This cannot work. Doesn’t mean it shouldn’t work, but I can promise it won’t. Guys get into a relationship and they are forced into sharing every single breathe with his girlfriend and it takes a toll. Guys want a life, especially in 2008 and in their twenties and thirties. They wouldn’t really mind a child and a wife as much if didn’t mean their life they already know is completely over. I’ve seen it too many times. The girl removes the guy from society too many times. Let a girl be a girl, and let a guy be a guy. Relationships stand little chance of working if both people spend every waking hour with each other, or if the female expects too much from the male. I am an example of a friend of too many friends who have lost their freedom. Women have so many things that they do well, but they want to show their might (through legislation mainly) to show guys they can do things too. We already know you can. Stop! Or be a lesbian. We get it. Just stop expecting us to be tied down if you can’t respect our nature and our biology. It’s not the same as yours, and that’s why your fighting for equal rights. It’s not a product of society because guess what? Women have been in society forever!
Wow! Where do you guys come from? Talk about some generalizations about females. You all are doing exactly what you accuse ALL women of doing. Grow up. Women need sex more than men? You must be joking. Women keep men down? Again, you are kidding aren’t you? I can do everything my mom did: cook, clean, raise productive members of society, and work a full time job…and I don’t have a man around to help me like my father helped my mom. They don’t make people like my parents much anymore, married for almost 60 years, through good times and bad, with a lot of mutual love and respect. From where I sit, most men do what they want anyway. Maybe you need some new friends, male and female. If these are the only kinds of women you know, you’re as dysfunctional as they are.