NEW RELEASES
ALONG CAME POLLY It’s not hard to figure out why Universal got nervous about Polly‘s prospects and elected to bury it in the graveyard movie month of January. The two stars have no chemistry (Jennifer Aniston’s channeling Diane Keaton in Annie Hall, Ben Stiller’s channeling Ben Stiller in just about everything). Writer-director John Hamburg doesn’t even begin to mine the comic possibilities of his premise, which examines the budding relationship between an overly cautious businessman who analyzes the risk factor in everything and an easy-going woman with a blind ferret and a spontaneous nature. And the potty humor! It’s like watching the campfire scene in Blazing Saddles stretched out over the course of 90 minutes. And yet two factors save this from being a disaster. First and foremost are the contributions of a terrific supporting cast, including Philip Seymour Hoffman as Stiller’s slovenly buddy, Alec Baldwin (on a roll following The Cooler) as his crude boss, Hank Azaria as a buff scuba instructor, and 80s mainstay Bryan Brown as an Australian thrill seeker. And second is Hamburg’s ability to nail the little moments even as he’s screwing up the big picture. Whether it’s the illustration in the children’s book Aniston has penned (titled The Boy With a Stub For an Arm) or the desire of Hoffman’s character, a former child star gone to seed, to play both the Judas and Jesus roles in a local amateur production of Jesus Christ Superstar, Along Came Polly provides more laughs than one would have thought possible. 
1/2
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT Had this sci-fi oddity been created by an acid-tripping graduate student for his thesis project — and kept to a 30-minute running time — his professor would have doubtless awarded him an “A,” not only for thinking outside the box but for the sheer chutzpah of the piece. But as a major studio project, it’s woefully lacking, as the writer-director team of Eric Bress and J. Mackye Gruber (the scripters of Final Destination 2) stretch the tale out over the course of two redundant hours before realizing (as do we) that it’s probably impossible to give this twisty tale a satisfying resolution. Ashton Kutcher plays a troubled college student haunted by a horrific childhood that managed to incorporate pedophilia, a psychotic dad, a dead baby, and a dog set on fire. But after discovering that, by accessing the journals he kept as a kid, he’s able to travel back to that period in time, he sets about changing the events of his life — and in effect creates alternate realities about as dismal as the one he left behind. Initially intriguing, this quickly turns silly and then eventually wears out its welcome altogether: By the time Kutcher makes his umpteenth time jump, I was praying that we would all end up landing in a better movie. 1/2
CURRENT RELEASES
BIG FISH Tim Burton goes for the (Oscar) gold with this colorful fable that attempts to tackle hefty issues using the same mixture of melodrama and mirth that worked so well for Forrest Gump. But forced whimsy isn’t really whimsy at all, and for all its surface eccentricities, this turns out to be one of Burton’s most conventional works, relating the story of a journalist (Billy Crudup) who’d like to get to know his dying dad (Albert Finney) before it’s too late. But that’s easier said than done, since Pop is incapable of relating anything but outlandish tall tales involving his exploits as a young man (played in flashback by Ewan McGregor). A stellar cast does what it can with this meandering picture that only accumulates any emotional steam during its closing quarter-hour. 1/2
CALENDAR GIRLS Based on a true story, this likable yarn chronicles the events that transpire when a group of middle-aged English women decide that the best way to raise money for charity is by posing nude for their annual calendar, a radical idea that rapidly threatens to turn into a global phenomenon. What sounds like an overly calculated endeavor — The Full Monty… with women! — actually gains some genuine mileage out of its inspirational premise, leading ladies (Helen Mirren and Julie Walters), and no shortage of humorous moments.
CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN I haven’t seen the 1950 original, yet something inside me — call it my sixth sense for cinematic sacrilege — tells me that it didn’t feel compelled to include a sequence in which a kid slips in the puddle of puke that his brother produced moments earlier. Sure, it’s a gut-buster for the under-12 set, and had the movie limited its idiocy to merely including yuck-o moments like this one to appease the crusty-snot-noses in the audience, it might have been mildly tolerable. But this half-baked Dozen is incompetent at every turn and shameless on every level, with its heartwarming moments more likely to cause heartburn and its comedic bits about as funny as a mad hornet in the mouth. As the dad forced to baby-sit a houseful of kids, Steve Martin continues to fritter away a once vibrant career.
COLD MOUNTAIN This adaptation of Charles Frazier’s novel turns out to be least compelling when it focuses on the fluttering hearts of its protagonists, a Confederate soldier and the woman he loves. Individually, the performances by Jude Law and Nicole Kidman are fine, yet their scenes together deliver little kick. Luckily, most of the movie keeps them apart, with the soldier making his way back to his North Carolina hometown so they can be reunited. His trek is slowed by his encounters with various characters, and these interludes spark the picture. So, too, do the sequences back home, thanks to Renee Zellweger: Her portrayal as a feisty pioneer woman cuts through the occasional sheen of stuffy self-importance, thus ensuring this Mountain never deteriorates into a molehill of unrelenting melancholy.
THE COOLER Bernie Lootz (William H. Macy), a sad sack whose very presence causes everyone around him to experience bad luck, is employed by Vegas casino manager Shelly Kaplow (Alec Baldwin) to “cool” off customers enjoying a hot streak. Yet once Bernie falls for a sympathetic cocktail waitress named Natalie (Maria Bello), he begins to spread good luck, a situation that calls for drastic measures on Shelly’s part. The romance between Bernie and Natalie is both believable and extremely touching, and Macy and Bello deserve kudos for their uninhibited (in all senses of the word) performances. Yet it’s Baldwin who delivers the most memorable turn: As an “old-school” Vegas bigwig whose brutality mingles uneasily with his unusual code of honor, he hasn’t been this good since his pitbull act in 1992’s Glengarry Glen Ross.
ELEPHANT Drawing on Columbine, director Gus Van Sant has made a minimalist movie in which two students go on a shooting spree at an average American high school. Elephant is neither exploitative nor informative, though it’s certainly a crock. Van Sant’s desire to go for a documentary feel is completely undermined by Harris Savides’ bleakly beautiful camerawork, and despite Van Sant’s claims that the movie provides no facile answers as to why these kids do what they do, he includes enough background material — these boys play violent video games, watch documentaries about Nazis and engage in homosexual trysts in the shower — that it’s clear he’s tipping the scales. Detached to a fault, Elephant seeks to encapsulate the high school experience but instead ends up grabbing at straws.
HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG There may have been better individual performances delivered during 2003 (though not many), but as far as tag-team efforts are concerned, there’s no touching Jennifer Connelly and Ben Kingsley in this powerful adaptation of the bestseller by Andre Dubus III. Connelly plays a recovering addict who through petty circumstances ends up losing her house; Kingsley is cast as the Iranian refugee who snatches it up at auction and then refuses to relinquish it. This gripping tale has more on its mind than standard thrills, yet its greatest strength is the manner in which it shifts our loyalties from one character to the next, never allowing us to view either character as a villain (or hero) for too long. 1/2
IN AMERICA Proving that father knows best, writer-director Jim Sheridan (My Left Foot) teamed up with his grown daughters Naomi and Kirsten to pen this largely autobiographical story in which an immigrant Irish family — dad Johnny (Paddy Considine), mom Sarah (Samantha Morton) and adorable daughters Christy and Ariel (played by real-life sisters Sarah and Emma Bolger) — moves to New York and tries to start a new life in a run-down apartment building mostly populated by drug addicts and muggers. A subplot involving a reclusive neighbor (Djimon Hounsou) who warms up to the girls feels a little too pat and predictable; not so the rest of the film, which contains moments so pure and precise that they take us by surprise.
THE LAST SAMURAI Director Edward Zwick has already demonstrated his capacity to handle expansive epics with Glory and Legends of the Fall, but the picture this most resembles is Dances With Wolves. Yet that maxim about familiarity breeding contempt doesn’t apply here: For all its recognizable trappings, this is an enormously entertaining film. Tom Cruise stars as a former Civil War hero who accepts an assignment to help train the Japanese emperor’s armies in modern forms of combat. This places him in direct conflict with the “old-school” Samurai, but after he’s captured, he becomes fond of their customs and forms an alliance with their leader (magnetic Ken Watanabe). Aside from the weak epilogue, there’s little to dislike in this impressive undertaking. 1/2
THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING Pulling off a successful threepeat, director Peter Jackson wraps up J.R.R. Tolkien’s fantasy saga with a dazzling chapter guaranteed to please true believers. At 200 minutes, the movie is long but not necessarily overlong: The super-sized length allows many cast members to strut their stuff, and several new creatures, from an army of ghostly marauders to a gigantic spider in the best Harryhausen tradition, are staggering to behold. Ultimately, though, this final act belongs to the ringbearer Frodo (Elijah Wood) and his companions, faithful Sam (Sean Astin) and treacherous Gollum (the brilliant CGI creation voiced by Andy Serkis). This is a movie of expensive visual effects and expansive battle scenes, but when it comes to truly making its mark, we have to thank all the little people. 1/2
MONA LISA SMILE An unlikely cross between Dead Poets Society and The Stepford Wives, this casts Julia Roberts as an art teacher who arrives at Wellesley College in 1953, ready to change the world to the chorus of “Carpe Diems.” Instead, she’s shocked to learn that her students plan to shelf their education and become housewives. So it’s up to Saint Julia to save the stuffy college from itself, since no one else can possibly match her sheer fabulousness. Roberts is such a bundle of modern tics that she’s as out of place in this setting as Bill O’Reilly at a Marilyn Manson concert; then again, almost everything feels artificial in this gathering of rigid archetypes and warmed-over speeches. Roberts’ character may be presented as a breath of fresh air, but the movie surrounding her is the cinematic equivalent of halitosis.
MONSTER Anyone who’s been paying attention knows that Charlize Theron is more than just a pretty face, yet her mesmerizing turn in writer-director Patty Jenkins’ fact-based drama will finally allow the rest of the world to catch up. It isn’t simply that Theron gained weight and thoroughly deglamorized herself to play the part of Aileen Wuornos, the prostitute who killed several men in Florida before finally being caught and executed. It’s that she so completely buries herself in this woman’s impetuousness, rage and vulnerability that she simply ceases to exist; it’s a galvanizing performance in a difficult yet important film that manages to present Wuornos as both monster and victim. 1/2
PAYCHECK This futuristic yarn is adapted from a story by Philip K. Dick, but the result is less like Blade Runner and Minority Report (both based on Dick works) than just another run-of-the-mill action tale, directed in “hired gun” fashion by John Woo. Woo made the preposterousness in Face/Off exciting, but here he barely seems interested in putting a movie on the screen, showing no discernible style with this initially intriguing thriller about a genius-for-hire (Ben Affleck) who tries to uncover a conspiracy after his memory has been wiped clean. Instead of smartly building on its premise, this merely gets sillier as it unfolds, and Uma Thurman, killing time between Kill Bill release dates, is wasted as Affleck’s love interest.
PETER PAN I’ve never been a fan of this classic tale in any of its numerous incarnations, so imagine my surprise as I fell victim to the rapturous spell of this live-action version, which rivals A Little Princess and The Secret Garden as a prime example of adding both artistry and adult sensibilities to a family project without placing it out of reach for the youngest viewers. Certainly, the small fry will enjoy watching Peter Pan (Jeremy Sumpter) sailing through the air or the slapstick shenanigans of Tinkerbell (Ludivine Sagnier), but this PG-rated adaptation of J.M. Barrie’s original tale often adopts a darker tone that provides added subtext for older viewers. Kudos to director P.J. Hogan and his team for creating such an eye-popping world. 1/2
SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE Those of us who fell in love with Diane Keaton in Annie Hall now have an opportunity to rekindle that romance. She’s simply smashing as a playwright not particularly fond of her daughter’s new boyfriend, a 63-year-old bachelor (Jack Nicholson) who only dates women under 30. But eventually the pair find themselves overcoming their antagonism, leading to a rocky romance that’s complicated by his womanizing ways and her burgeoning relationship with a boyish doctor (Keanu Reeves, never more appealing). For most of its length, this emerges as one of the premiere romantic comedies of recent years, but a disastrous, tacked-on ending hangs from the rest of the picture as awkwardly as a Florida chad.
STUCK ON YOU Filmmaking siblings Peter and Bobby Farrelly are finally growing up. That’s not necessarily a good thing — I’m chuckling even now thinking about many of the decidedly non-PC moments in There’s Something About Mary and Kingpin — but with Shallow Hal and now this comedy about conjoined twins (Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear), they’ve allowed the latent humanity that has always been evident in their pictures to finally make its way to the surface — and in the process submerge almost all potentially offensive elements. Yet while this film contains many riotous moments, it’s also undermined by a distracting sloppiness that never allows the material to build any real momentum. And is it just me, or is co-star Cher’s extensive facial reconstruction starting to make her look like the female Michael Jackson? 1/2
21 GRAMS Whiplashing between past and present, writer-director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Amores Perros) has fashioned an absorbing drama that’s as much about loneliness, retribution and redemption as it is about matters of the heart. Much of the movie’s potency comes from viewers being allowed to slowly connect its pieces, so suffice it to say that the story centers on three individuals (Sean Penn, Naomi Watts, Benicio Del Toro, all terrific) whose lives are all affected by the same car crash. As narrative fragments bombard us and the storyline circles back on itself repeatedly, it becomes apparent that the melodramatics are merely a necessity to forward the movie’s exploration of the manner in which life and death are constantly stepping on each other’s toes. 1/2
OPENS FRIDAY:
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT: Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart.
WIN A DATE WITH TAD HAMILTON!: Kate Bosworth, Topher Grace.
This article appears in Jan 21-27, 2004.
