New Releases
KUNG FU HUSTLE Operating with the same degree of logic as a Marx Brothers feature or a Looney Tunes short – which is to say, operating with no logic at all – Kung Fu Hustle stands alone as the year’s most whacked out bit of entertainment. Writer-director-actor Stephen Chow has in essence built the filmic equivalent of an insane asylum and then handed the keys over to the inmates – from first frame to last, there are precious few moments of introspection or tranquility in what proves to be a nonstop orgy of madcap martial arts mayhem. Chow himself plays the nominal lead, an ineffectual con man of the streets who inadvertently sets off a feud between the ruthless members of the ruling Axe Gang and the resilient residents of a slum area known as Pig Sty Alley. Used to always getting their way, the gang members are surprised to discover that Pig Sty Alley serves as home to several retired kung fu masters with the moxie to fight back, so they’re forced to hire the city’s most notorious killers to eliminate the opposition. For his part, Chow’s character longs to join the Axe Gang, but his bumbling nature and deep-seated decency transpire against him. The most violent movie in theaters next to Sin City (with which it shares some similarities), this isn’t one for the kids, despite the frequent presence of slapstick sequences and goofy special effects that transform the picture into a live-action cartoon. Kung Fu Hustle contains a handful of brilliant moments, but it also spreads its concept thin: With nothing of real substance propelling the shenanigans, the movie grows redundant during the second half before regaining its footing for the climax.
Current Releases
BE COOL Yet one more lazy sequel to a great film, Be Cool is a major disappointment that fails to capture the essence of what made Get Shorty such a terrific film experience. The movie never provides a compelling argument for its own existence: Because it spends far more time salivating over musical numbers featuring pop star Christina Milian than on watching shylock-turned-movie-producer Chili Palmer (John Travolta) test the shark-infested waters of the music business, it’s clear that priorities are out of whack. The degree to which characters, plot developments and even snatches of dialogue mimic those from the first film is irritating, and while there are some big laughs, they’re isolated moments of mirth cast adrift in an ocean of indifference.
BORN INTO BROTHELS Given the topic – children who are the offspring of hookers living in Calcutta’s red light district – it’d be reasonable to expect a film that takes audience depression to a whole new level. Yet this powerful work from co-directors Zana Briski and Ross Kauffman – this year’s Oscar winner for Best Documentary Feature – isn’t merely a rapid downward spiral of a film; instead, it details Briski’s remarkable attempts to help these kids (especially the girls, who will inevitably follow their mothers and grandmothers into prostitution) out of their dire surroundings by teaching them photography and attempting to place them in boarding schools. It’s a given that not all these children will be able to escape their lot in life, yet there are numerous scenes of inspiration and uplift, and the efforts of Briski and her non-profit outfit Kids With Cameras (www.kids-with-cameras.org) continue to this day. 1/2
COACH CARTER This works the usual underdog cliches fairly well as it tells the true story of Ken Carter (Samuel L. Jackson), a high school basketball coach in California who manages to turn a team that won only four games during its previous season into a statewide powerhouse. But at the height of their success, Carter elects to bench the entire team once he discovers that most of his players are performing poorly in their classes. Carter’s selfless actions against a failed education system register even when the movie surrounding him turns on itself: All pertinent points are made after a full two hours, but the picture drags on for another 20 minutes simply so viewers can be treated to a climactic Big Game. Ultimately, Coach Carter‘s sincerity gets trumped by its savvy at milking the sports formula for all it’s worth.
1/2
CONSTANTINE Based on the DC Comics/Vertigo series Hellblazer, this disappointment casts Keanu Reeves as John Constantine, a man with the ability to recognize the angels and demons that walk the earth in human form. Yet as he goes about his business of wiping out as many of the demonic “half-breeds” as possible (in an attempt to “buy” his way into Heaven), he realizes that there’s a seismic shift occurring in the underworld, and the only way he can get to the bottom of the mystery is to join forces with a police detective (Rachel Weisz) investigating the apparent suicide of her psychic twin sister. Because it’s an exhaustive exercise to keep abreast of the story’s seemingly haphazard developments, Constantine ends up resembling nothing so much as a punctured tire with a slow leak, letting all the air seep out until what’s finally left is flat and fairly ineffectual.
FEVER PITCH The true subject of this adaptation of Nick Hornby’s novel isn’t the love between a man and a woman but between a man and his favorite sports team. As such, the movie’s ability to balance the yin with the yang makes it the ideal date movie, a crowd-pleaser that follows many of the conventions of the modern romantic comedy yet doesn’t betray its convictions for the sake of the usual embarrassing sops to formula. Successful consultant Lindsey Meeks (sparkling Drew Barrymore) is happy with new boyfriend Ben Wrightman (OK Jimmy Fallon) until she notices that his undying devotion to the Boston Red Sox begins interfering with their relationship; he’s reluctant to lose her but can’t commit to her the way he does to his team. Like the character of Ben, Fever Pitch comes across as a scruffy romantic, not always suave on the surface but harboring an irresistible tenderness inside.
DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN Watching this adaptation of Tyler Perry’s stage play is akin to channel surfing between showings of Soul Food and Nutty Professor II: The Klumps – with an occasional flip over to The Jeffersons for good measure. A huge hit with Afro-American audiences, Perry’s play, about a pampered wife (Kimberly Elise) who starts over after being dumped by her odious husband (Steve Harris), has been adapted (by the author himself) into a movie that’s overflowing with positive Christian ideals as well as an honest assessment of the intrinsic desire for seeking retribution versus the spiritual need for giving absolution. In this respect, the movie’s emotionally satisfying (if a bit simplistic), yet Perry dilutes its potency by casting himself in the sitcom roles of a profane, gun-wielding grandmother and her brother, a flatulent elder constantly leering at women when he’s not busy smoking dope.
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GUESS WHO The maxim that Less Is More gets taken for a test drive in this lightweight multiplex seat-filler that’s a loose remake of a motion picture routinely tagged with the label of “Hollywood classic.” But the sad truth is that 1967’s Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner grows more hollow and condescending with each passing year, and when all is said and done, this new picture is funnier, more relaxed and better paced. Applying role reversal to the original template, this stars Bernie Mac as the stern dad who’s not thrilled that his lovely daughter’s (Zoe Saldana) new boyfriend is some punk’d white boy (Ashton Kutcher). Ultimately, this borrows more heavily from Meet the Parents than the Tracy-Hepburn chestnut, but Mac’s slow-burn reactions make the whole concoction go down rather easily.
HITCH A warm and witty comedy that unfortunately runs itself into the ground, Hitch benefits immeasurably from the presence of Will Smith, who may or may not be a great actor but who is most assuredly a great movie star. There’s something to be said for effortless magnetism, and in that respect, Smith has more in common with the sophisticated comedians of the past than the coarse jokesters of today. He’s at turns sly, suave and sexy as Alex “Hitch” Hitchens, who earns a living by advising other men how to land the woman of their dreams. Yet even as he tries to pair up a clumsy accountant (Kevin James) with a supermodel (Amber Valletta), he unexpectedly finds his own attention drawn to a gossip columnist (Eva Mendes). Viewers who go with the flow will gladly put reality on pause in order to enjoy this movie’s modest pleasures – it’s just a shame the picture reverts to rigid formula in its final half-hour.
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HOSTAGE Bruce Willis delivers a committed performance as Jeff Talley, an LAPD hostage negotiator whose botching of a tense standoff leaves him with innocent blood on his hands and prods him into moving to a sleepy community where the crime rate hovers around zero. But once three ruffians attempting to steal a car end up killing a police officer and subsequently taking a family hostage, Talley finds himself back in the sort of situation he would like to avoid. For a good while, director Florent Siri and scripter Doug Richardson do their pulpy material proud, with a real attention to both exposition and execution. But as the storyline gets more crowded (another gang of villains ends up holding Talley’s own family hostage), the film falls apart through outlandish developments and ludicrous resolutions to the various plot strands.
1/2
MELINDA AND MELINDA The problem with Woody Allen these days isn’t that he’s run out of ideas; the problem is that he’s running out of ways in which to frame these ideas in compelling contexts. Melinda and Melinda starts with a typically inspired concept: Two playwrights (Wallace Shawn and Larry Pine) discussing whether life is inherently tragic or comic both hear an anecdote involving a young woman named Melinda, and each envisions her story in a different manner. Allen’s instincts clearly aren’t as sharp as before, since the comic half isn’t especially funny and the tragic half isn’t especially heartbreaking. Overall, the movie’s a pleasant piffle, but it’s the dual performance by Radha Mitchell (as both Melindas) rather than Allen’s script that distinguishes it. As the Allen surrogate, Will Ferrell isn’t bad, benefiting from the screenplay’s few zingers.
1/2
MILLIONS Movies that traffic in whimsy often step over the line into pure treacle, and there are moments when Millions appears to be on the brink of doing just that. Yet to its credit, it maintains its balance between reality and fantasy, resulting in a charming film about locating the miracles in a material world. Young Damian (Alex Etel) receives regular “visits” from history’s honored saints, so when a bag of cash lands in his lap, he figures it came straight from God and he should give it to the poor. But what he doesn’t know is that the loot is actually stolen, and that the thief (Christopher Fulford) is determined to recover it at all costs. Rather than devolve into Home Alone shenanigans, the film remains true to its characters and in the process reveals what it means to be truly spiritual in a world in which religion is too often used as a smokescreen for bigotry and intolerance.
MISS CONGENIALITY 2: ARMED AND FABULOUS Even taking into account its status as a prefabricated, by-the-numbers sequel, this follow-up to the mediocre 2000 outing doesn’t quite qualify as opium for the masses. Instead, it’s more like two weak hits from a cracked bong. This time, Sandra Bullock’s FBI agent must thwart a pair of kidnappers with the help of her hostile new partner (Regina King) and an offensive gay caricature (Diedrich Bader). With no feel for characterization, dialogue or plot development, this is the sort of dull sequel that’s sure to be politely dismissed as merely routine, when it’s that very sense of rampaging mediocrity – of flagrant laziness and audience disregard oozing out of every blemished pore – that renders it all but unwatchable. Many bad movies at least make an effort; this one is content to simply lay there, like a fat tick gorged on the blood of complacent moviegoers.
THE RING TWO In this illogical and inconsequential sequel to the 2002 sleeper hit The Ring, reporter Rachel Keller (returning star Naomi Watts) and her young son Aidan (David Dorfman, the worst child actor this side of Spencer Breslin) have moved from Seattle to a quiet Oregon town. But the spirit of the demonic girl Samara won’t leave them alone, as she seems intent on taking over Aidan’s body. Dorfman is such a monotonous performer that the addition of some Exorcist-inspired pea-green vomit might have helped us determine exactly when he’s being possessed; then again, such a gesture of goodwill would be little more than a Band-Aid applied to a hemorrhaging film whose greatest sin is that it’s unremittingly dull.
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ROBOTS If ever a movie warranted the Second Coming of silent cinema, it’s this animated effort from the same studio (20th Century Fox) and director (Chris Wedge) that brought us the middling Ice Age. Visually, the film is yet another triumph for computer programmers, as their blood, sweat and mouse pads have enabled them to create a wondrous landscape that’s a joy to behold. But whenever any of the metallic characters that populate this world open their mouths, the movie reveals its complete lack of innovation at the screenwriting level. Despite an all-star vocal cast, there’s no defining personality to most of the characterizations (Mel Brooks is a notable exception as a kindly inventor), while Robin Williams (as a manic misfit) immediately wears out his welcome by performing his usual tired shtick. Sad to say, this neutered comedian has become as mechanical as the robot he portrays.
SAHARA This may be based on Clive Cussler’s bestseller, but it feels like a knock-off of Raiders of the Lost Ark, a send-up of the James Bond oeuvre or an instant sequel to National Treasure. Matthew McConaughney plays explorer Dirk Pitt as if he were a party-hardy frat boy who ventured out into the real world after all campus kegs were tapped dry; hammy Steve Zahn, as his sidekick, gets the funniest lines but can’t deliver them without squinting like Popeye on the electric chair; and Penelope Cruz tags along as a dedicated doctor, although she seems so disinterested in what’s happening around her that it’s hard to believe her character would even have the medical know-how to prescribe aspirin. For a movie that Paramount hopes will kick off a new screen franchise, there’s an air of desperation about Sahara, which tries too hard to please and in the process strips itself of any natural charm.
SIN CITY Three Frank Miller graphic novels get stylishly fitted for the big screen by director Robert Rodriguez, with Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and Mickey Rourke cast as the tough guys who must contend with sultry femme fatales and raging psychopaths. As a gimmick, Sin City is a beaut, as Rodriguez faithfully copied Miller’s panels and in the process created a visually stunning yarn in which speckles of color add further resonance to the otherwise black-and-white imagery. Yet the movie isn’t mere eye candy: In addition to nailing the scrawl-to-screen process, Rodriguez has also created a neo-film noir that – extreme violence aside – largely captures the mood of those time-honored flicks from the 40s and 50s. The glee with which Rodriguez films the sadism may be off-putting, but the joy with which he pays tribute to both the comic form and film noir is positively infectious.
THE WEDDING DATE We expect TV stars trying to make the transition to the big screen to find themselves saddled with subpar material, but this one takes that notion to the extreme. To say that the script for The Wedding Date is bottom-of-the-barrel would be too kind; this one was already decomposing under a mountain of mulch before Will & Grace‘s Debra Messing fished it out. Messing plays a woman whose neurotic impulses are meant to be endearing but who instead comes off as something of a pill. Required to fly to England to attend the wedding of her loathsome sister (Amy Adams), she can’t stand the thought of arriving alone, so she spends $6,000 to hire a male prostitute (Dermot Mulroney) to pretend to be her boyfriend. This was clearly inspired by the success of such Brit-flavored confections as Four Weddings and a Funeral and Bridget Jones’ Diary – and the comparisons end there.
OPENS FRIDAY:
CHRYSTAL: Billy Bob Thornton, Lisa Blount.
DUST TO GLORY: Documentary; Mario Andretti, Sal Fish.
THE INTERPRETER: Nicole Kidman, Sean Penn.
KING’S RANSOM: Anthony Anderson, Regina Hall.
KUNG FU HUSTLE: Stephen Chow, Qiu Yuen.
A LOT LIKE LOVE: Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet.
MADISON: Jim Caviezel, Jake Lloyd.
This article appears in Apr 20-26, 2005.
