Panthers’ pity party playlist (aka the poo poo platter)

Wait, I’ve seen this movie before. Yeah, it’s called Groundhog Day, but this version isn’t funny. It’s actually pretty damn sad. Yes, I am referring to our hometown NFLers, the Carolina Panthers. And yes, you can add me to the list of fans that are none-to-happy and a little (see: LOT) ticked. In case last year’s season finale – in the playoffs, at home no less – wasn’t bad enough, we had to endure the Week 1 shellacking that felt eerily like a scene from The Bad News Bears Try Football.

Watching quarterback Jake Delhomme (that’s pronounced Go-Home!) forget which team he plays for – four separate times – was about as depressing as watching Kayne make an idiot of himself on national television.

But enough about all that — you watched, you don’t need a reminder. So instead, I thought I’d give you a glimpse at what the Panther’s players might be rockin’ out to on their iPods this week. You know, in order to get their minds off Week 1 and onto Week 2 – which might soon be known as The Replacements Pt 2. If you’d like, you can make your own playlist. Just title it the Poo Poo Platter Playlist – keep it easy to find.

Coach John Fox – “The Heat is On” by Glenn Fry – The man who continues to back the wrong horse has to know that if Jake goes, he goes. To the unemployment line.

Jake Delhomme – “Here Comes the Rain Again” by Eurhythmics – A number of songs work here for Jake – “Hit the “Road Jake,” “Color Blind” (Counting Crows), “That Smell” (Lynyrd Skynyrd).

Owner Jerry Richardson – “This Old Heart of Mine” by Rod Stewart – Poor Jerry’s new heart doesn’t deserve this treatment.

Steve Smith & DeAngelo Williams – “Wasting My Time” by Default – The two best players on the team might be wasting one of the few pro bowl years of their career.

Julius Peppers – “Take the Money and Run” by Steve Miller Band – Because the team owes Peppers $19 million this year, they couldn’t afford anyone else in the off-season – so he shouldn’t go blameless. Oh, and he’ll be gone within a week of free agency at season’s end.

The Entire Defense – “Workin’ Overtime” by Diana Ross – Most will earn their paychecks this year (see: Peppers).

The Fans – “Think I’ll Just Sit Here and Drink” by Merle Haggard – If the seasons continues down this road, there’ll be lots of empty seats at BofA Stadium and lots of full barstools at the local watering holes.

Did I miss any? And look on the bright side – the Bobcat’s season kicks off in just two short months… oh wait, nervermind.

This article appears in Sep 15-22, 2009.