No, I was not actually on the red carpet … I’m not that cool (wrong Brittney). But you, however, are that cool, which is why Sleeping Giant Productions rolls out the red carpet for you every Saturday at Halo at the N.C. Music Factory. I, meanwhile, was merely the faux red carpet correspondent for a recent Paparazzi Party.
It may not have been the VMAs, but there was some real red carpet party fashion going down. I am happy to report that there were no crazy Lady Gaga outfits … but there were some revealing ones, much like J-Lo’s infamous Versace dress that had about as much fabric as a pair of my thongs.
I saw some of the “reverse plumber look” — when girls’ dresses are so short you can see the bottom of the crack. I am no fashionista, but I can tell you that exposed vagina is not in style.
I, meanwhile, had on my “Kim Kardashian” dress, known for that because when shopping for it in a store on Rodeo Drive, I walked out of the dressing room and the sales associate said, “You look like Kim Kardashian in that dress.” I was sold, assuming the dress had some sort of magical abilities to make me look like I had assets. Pun intended. But I guess the dress does apparently enhance my ass because while standing near tables in the lounge, a girl sitting down bit my butt. Seriously, I still have a bruise.
And since it was a red carpet event, I figured I would go all out and attempt to put on fake eyelashes, by myself, for the first time. I quickly learned to use the glue sparingly as I pried my eyelids apart.
A bachelorette group came and asked me to present the bachelorette with a scavenger hunt item … a Bumpit (a contraption that’s supposed to make your hair go from “flat to fabulous”). So I announced it as the new fad red carpet fashion.
Speaking of which, take a break from stalking celebrities online and go to BrittneyAfterDark.com. I am giving away a lot of free shit, including a massage from Drift Spa, a VIP gold card to Kashmir and Fiji Lounge opening (where Hom used to be), and tickets to the Bank of America 500.
This article appears in Oct 6-13, 2009.
