Snowballs: A 15-year-old girl called police after being bullied by some of her neighbors. She told officers that someone using a computer-generated voice called her 11 times. She stated that during the last call the voice instructed her to go to her front door. The girl told police that when she opened the door there was a huge pile of snow built up on her porch that had obviously been urinated on by someone (or something). Damn, I would be pretty pissed if somebody ever did this to me.
Christmas Spirit: A 32-year-old man called police after he was assaulted by his baby’s mama. He told officers that he went over to his kids’ house on Christmas morning to drop off some presents for them. While he was in the house, he got into an argument with his former lover and current mother of his children, and she smashed a vase across the back of his head. I’m not sure that’s what he meant when he said to “plant one” on him.
Grounded: A woman called police after her teenage son did what all teenage sons do. She told officers that her son was 45 minutes late at the time of the report, and he was repeatedly coming home after his curfew, which is also the city’s curfew for kids his age. She wanted the police to take action for violating Mecklenburg County’s Child Protection Ordinance.
Put To Use: Police were called to a house early Christmas morning after a child threatened his mother. The 47-year-old woman told officers that her son threatened to kill her with his sword, while holding said sword at the opposite side of the room. If he’s just going to use his present on you as soon as he opens it, maybe next year you should get him a massage tool.
Christmas Spirit Part II: A 28-year-old woman called police after she was assaulted by her baby’s daddy. She told officers that she went to meet the man in a parking lot on the day after Christmas for a custody exchange of the children they share. The two former lovers got into an argument and the man struck the female victim with his car. See kids, when you turn 15, you get your driving lessons from mommy … OK?
Grow A Pair: Police were called to a home last week after a woman became hysterical. A reporting family member stated that she was screaming and yelling that she was going to stab herself with a knife from the kitchen. After attempting to carry out this mission of self-mutilation, she said that the tip of the knife was too sharp and it hurt when she poked herself in the stomach. She then dropped the knife and began to cry.
Red Flag: Police were called to the scene of a hit-and-run in west Charlotte last week. The unknown suspects struck an ambulance that was driving down Wilkinson Boulevard and fled after seeing that the ambulance was obviously stuck and could no longer drive. Maybe the suspects had a dying person in the back trying to get to a hospital. You’re not the only ones on the road, ya know.
Band Practice: A 51-year-old man called police after some “friends” of his robbed him. He told officers that the men were guests in his home for two days, but when he fell asleep, the men left his house with $500 in cash, his credit cards, his cell phone and a $5,000 Les Paul guitar. But fortunately they left his lucky pick.
Fantasy World: A 19-year-old pregnant woman called police after being threatened by a random suspect. She told officers the person called her and stated, “I’m going to make you lose your baby. Sooner or later, reality is going to shoot you in your head.” Is this related to the fact that reality TV shows make me want to shoot myself in the head? Or is that another story entirely?
Losing Confidence: A 19-year-old woman called police after being threatened by two known suspects. She told police that she knows both women are mad at her but only one texted her. During the first text, the suspect stated: “I am going to fight you when I see you.” In the next text she stated: “We are going to jump you when we see you.” You should always include friends when partaking in acts of violence.
Threat of the Week: A 20-year-old man called police after being threatened by a known suspect. The man told officers that the suspect had told him, “Bitch, I will kill you. I will take this boot off and knock the hell out of you. Are you ready to die today, bitch? You better hope I don’t beat the fuck out of you.” You could always just kick someone instead of going through the trouble of removing your footwear and all that.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department.
This article appears in Jan 4-10, 2011.
