14-YEAR-OLD GIRL AT EAST MECK HIGH AND 17-YEAR-OLD BOY AT GARINGER TASERED AFTER FRACASES
Man, when they say they need more money for police training, they’re not kidding.
PANTHERS QB JAKE DELHOMME PAID $283K FOR BLOWING GAME AGAINST MIAMI
Who knew goats were so expensive?
DEMI MOORE MARRIES ASHTON KUTCHER
Who’ll be first to yell “Punk’d!”?
CD STORE EMPLOYEES RATE BRITNEY SPEARS “MOST ANNOYING” STORE BACKGROUND MUSIC
Surely second place went to alt-metal bands whose singers sound like they’re choking on shit.
SUPERMODEL KATE MOSS DUMPED BY CHANEL AND OTHERS AFTER ADMITTING COCAINE USE
Cocaine? Supermodels? No.
FDA NAMES MALE VETERINARIAN AS HEAD OF OFFICE OF WOMEN’S HEALTH, CATCHES HELL, BACKPEDALS AND NAMES WOMAN, THEN DENIES IT EVER NAMED THE VET
Give ’em credit — the FDA saw the opportunity to be both clueless and Orwellian and went for it!
RUMORS HIT WASHINGTON THAT DUBYA’S HITTING THE BOTTLE AGAIN
Look at the bright side; it couldn’t screw up his judgment any more.
NEW POLL SHOWS MORE WOMEN WASH HANDS AFTER USING PUBLIC RESTROOMS THAN MEN
Vintage George Carlin: “If your penis is so filthy that you have to wash your hands after touching it, maybe that’s what you should be washing.”
This article appears in Sep 28 – Oct 4, 2005.
