Occupy Yourself

“If you make a revolution, make it for fun, don’t make it in ghastly seriousness…” — D.H. Lawrence, “A Sane Revolution”

It had to happen. Mix gross economic inequality with modern technology that levels the communication playing field and — voila! — instant revolution.

The Occupy Wall Street movement may borrow heavily from ’60s be-ins, Civil Rights marches, anti-Vietnam War protests, and Timothy Leary’s famous instructions to “tune in, turn on, drop out,” but its methodology and wildfire-like spread from city to city is much more Arab Spring. Inspired by that wave of social media-ignited protests across the Middle East last year, the Occupy movement has become the first social uprising to go totally viral on a truly global level. Occupations in the U.S. alone have taken root over the past two months from the Alaskan tundra (where one Occupier and her dogs have hunkered down) to the multiple locations across California, including Pasadena’s Occupy Rose Parade (we kid you not). Occupiers have tweeted, Facebooked and blogged their messages to the Powers That Be from all corners of the earth, turning “We are the 99 percent” into a global mantra that makes “The whole world’s watching” — that famous chant from the ’68 Democratic National Convention in Chicago, where cops beat the shit out of student protesters in front of TV cameras — seem quaintly exaggerated by comparison.

It only made sense that Charlotte would get in on the action. After all, one of the Occupy movement’s chief arch enemies, Bank of America, is headquartered here. What’s more, next year the Democratic National Convention is coming to this town and, well, we know what happens when protesters become unruly at Democratic National Conventions. Outside of Wall Street itself, there’s not another place on the planet where the Occupy movement should feel more symbolically at home than in a bank town where islands of white wealth are so poignantly surrounded by non-white poverty, where “love me, love me, love me, I’m a liberal” means casting a vote for Obama but not necessarily lending a hand at the homeless shelter. Charlotte was positively designed for the Occupy movement.

And yet … Occupy Charlotte is relatively small and tame compared to Occupy movements in other cities. (Even tiny Chapel Hill has seen more action.) So we at Creative Loafing felt the local movement needed a few pointers on how to effect the most productive revolution. After all, if you’re going to change the world, you have to actually occupy the role. You must read the right books, watch the right movies, listen to the right music, wear the correct outfits and gather at Occupy-approved coffeehouses and watering holes. Most importantly, you must — must! — laugh at yourself. Before you can occupy an ideology, you have to occupy yourself. Russian-born feminist and anarchist Emma Goldman once famously said (or didn’t say, who knows?), “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.”

So dance, dear Occupiers, dance. And sing. Make potty jokes. Netflix a few South Park episodes on your iPhones. Do bizarre things with a Chiquita banana. Have a little fun.

FASHION

Anarke Jeans: Who says you can’t be fashionable (see photo) while participating in a revolution? This local brand of denim, courtesy of Stan Fraser, is anchored by its slogan, “With complete chaos and no type of governing, you’re left with nothing but Anarke.” Need we say more?

Bandana: The locals camped out at Occupy Charlotte have been sporting bandanas over their faces like bandits. Could it be to show that they’re faceless among the 99 percent? Or are they simply taking precautions against potential pepper spraying? (Purchase yours at a local Korean-owned beauty supply shop, like Tisun Beauty Supply on North Tryon. They have so many colors!)

Ammo Belt: No one will take seriously a revolutionary with sagging pants. An ammo belt — or the 10-pocket canvas belt sold at the American ArmyNavy store on Independence Boulevard — can hold all your small necessities (such as notes with protest chants so you don’t forget what to say; gum or breath mints; and hand sanitizer) without weighing down your pockets.

TOMS Shoes: Of course, the general preference among anarchists is combat boots. But if you’re going to camp out on the Occupy Charlotte site for the long haul, we recommend TOMS Shoes, found at Revolution in the EpiCentre. They’re vegan-friendly, and your purchase puts a pair of shoes on a child in need. But most importantly, the canvas insole offers comfort and breathability. Stank feet will make a statement — just not the one you intended.

Che Guevera T-shirt: Reggae Central in Plaza Midwood sells shirts sporting Che’s likeness; he is, after all, the ultimate cultural symbol of rebellion. If you’re going to be Occupying Charlotte, be like Che. Or, at least be radically chic. No need to consider the outrage he would probably feel, were he still alive, over his image being mass-produced by the dirty dogs of capitalism.

— Kimberly Lawson

ARTS

Antoine Williams: This local artist consecutively addresses the struggles of race, class and consumerism in his colorful, funky, thought-provoking works. One of my favorites, titled “The Problems We All Live With,” challenges viewers to contemplate the point at which capitalism has gone too far. Williams wants folks to chew on this: “When does it go from serving as a liberator from need to a prisoner of want?”

Carlos Valencia: The comedian, a former Charlotte resident (Yay!) who now resides in Atlanta (Boo!), has worked some Occupy-inspired jokes into his act: “At first I thought the ’99 percent’ was in reference to the number of women Herman Cain had sexually harassed, but then I realized it was actually a reference to the people powering a grassroots movement dedicated to reforming a corrupt economic and political system of government.” OK, the punch line’s a mouthful — but it’s funny.

Henry Schreiber: Not that his work is political in any way, shape or form, but this local artist has revolutionized the way we look at marmots (see his painting ‘The Marmot with the Golden Helmet’). Selected pieces paint them up as prideful creatures clothed in armor and battle gear. To fight or gather nuts? That is the question. Of course, in reality, the harvest reigns supreme for these little guys — they’re out occupying the streets, too.

Lee Camp: This New York-based comedian (and occasional contributor to The Huffington Post and The Onion) is fed up with the government. So fed up, in fact, he’s taken to visiting Occupy camps, delivering adamant, vocally exhausting speeches/stand-up routines, and posting vids to his website (leecamp.net).

Les Misérables: Pick up a copy of Victor Hugo’s novel-turned-musical for some major uprising action. Following real historical elements of the Paris Uprising of 1832 and the people’s fight for freedom and democracy, you’ll be singing “Do You Hear the People Sing?” and walking the streets in no time.

— Anita Overcash

MOVIES

Bananas (1971): Sometimes it’s better to protest with a smile instead of a scowl, which is where this Woody Allen classic comes in. He plays accidental revolutionary Fielding Mellish, who eventually becomes president of a Latin American country known for leading the world in locusts, hernias and gonorrhea. Mellish: “When is the revolution?” Rebel: “In six months.” Mellish: “Six months? I have a rented car!”

Duck, You Sucker, aka A Fistful of Dynamite (1972): Yes, everyone knows about such Sergio Leone classics as Once Upon a Time in the West and A Fistful of Dollars, but here’s a frequently forgotten title worth checking out. Set against the backdrop of the Mexican Revolution, this stars Rod Steiger as a Mexican outlaw and James Coburn as the Irish explosives expert who awakens the self-centered bandito’s anarchic spirit and sense of national pride. Steiger’s performance serves up enough ham to feed the entire Occupy Charlotte movement.

Reds (1981): Late in Warren Beatty’s superb film about American Communist John Reed, the gravely ill activist attempts to relieve himself, leading an observer to point out that “this one even pisses red!” While there’s nothing Marxist or sickly about the Occupy Charlotte gang, one can note their devotion to the Queen City and assume that they do indeed piss Panther blue.

Revolution (1985): This titanic turkey about the Revolutionary War posits that Al Pacino, who looks as natural in this period setting as would Lady Gaga, almost single-handedly liberated us from British rule. On second thought, despite its irresistible camp-classic value, it’s best to skip this one, lest Occupy Charlotte elects instead to Occupy Hollywood to prevent more duds like this one from being made.

V for Vendetta (2006): This is a top-notch film, but after viewing, we’re going to ask readers to momentarily forget Guy Fawkes (see photo) and instead remember, remember, the seventh of December. That’s the print issue date for this story, in which we cite R for Rhiannon, for her extensive, in-depth coverage of the Occupy Charlotte movement, and G for Grooms, whose impassioned columns consistently embolden enlightened progressives while annoying deranged conservatives and libertarians.

— Matt Brunson

BOOKS

Corporate Dick-Heads: Pigs at the Trough, by Arianna Huffington / Age of Betrayal: The Triumph of Money in America, 1865-1900, by Jack Beatty. Huffington asks, “Who filled the trough?” and details how corporate swine gorge themselves on huge bonuses with government help, while average Americans struggle. Beatty serves up smartly written, valuable history about the first time corporations bought Washington and impoverished half the country.

Corporate Dick-Head Fiction: Fire Sale, by Sara Paretsky / Bonfire of the Vanities, by Tom Wolfe. Paretsky’s novel is a fast-moving mystery about scheming corporate bullies and the struggles of the working poor. Wolfe’s Bonfires survived the terrible movie made from it, and its portrayal of 1980s New York investment bankers (aka the “Masters of the Universe”) is some of the most piercing, savage satire of corporate sleazeballs since Trollope’s 1875 The Way We Live Now.

the tent life: Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple’s Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature, by Michelle Waitzman. Ready to get busy but kind of self-conscious about those thin cloth walls? Author Waitzman offers hints, tricks, advice, lots of personal tales, and sure-fire techniques and positions for your, um, outdoor adventure.

Nature Calls: How to Shit in the Woods, by Kathleen Meyer. Just because you can’t use the courthouse bathrooms, that doesn’t mean you’re up Shit Creek. Meyer’s book is a camper’s classic that’s fun to read and tells you all about “eco-friendly outdoor elimination options,” including increasingly popular “packing-it-out” techniques, first created to help protect sensitive environments, like, say, a courthouse lawn.

What Next?: What is to be Done?, by V.I. Lenin / What Then Shall We Do?, by Leo Tolstoy. At some point, Occupiers will probably be cleared from the courthouse property, and then people will really start asking you what the hell you’re gonna do. Two famously influential men faced similar conundrums at different times in Russia, and offered strikingly different answers. What, you think I’m going to tell you? Read the damn books.

— John Grooms

ONLINE

the OccupyCLT G.A. website: www.occupyclt.org. Instead of spending hours at Occupy Charlotte’s General Assembly meetings learning the inner workings of the movement, at OccupyCLT.org you can read about the G.A.’s past votes, find out about working groups and literally not contribute a thing while staying informed enough to refer to yourself as an Occupier to your buddies at the water cooler.

Twitter: www.twitter.com; #OccupyCLT. Bicker with the Tea Party like it’s 2009 all in one convenient public place crawling with media. Oh, and make sure you hashtag your tweets with #OccupyCLT. Remember, kids, there’s nothing TV reporters love more than a nasty #twitterfight or out-of-context tweet to support a preconceived blanket statement for the evening news.

Americans Elect: www.americanselect.org. Even though it’s not Occupy-related, there’s nothing more 99 percent than Americans Elect. Anyone can register and become a delegate, making occupying a leadership position in our government a real possibility. Not that any citizen couldn’t already campaign to do the same thing — if they’re rich!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/OccupyCharlotteHQ. Has the G.A. excommunicated you after accusing you of trying to “own” the Facebook page? Can’t stand all the other interest groups trying to co-opt the movement? Who cares?! Occupy your own keyboard and Internet connection to make your own Facebook page without having to fuss with all of that consensus business.

CL‘s Ustream: www.ustream.tv/user/clclt/videos. The revolution may not be televised, but it is on the Internet live and in color. Hear stories from the actual Occupiers who are given all the time they need to support their statements. No other Charlotte media outlet is doing truly live coverage of marches like this. Bitches!

— Desiree Kane

SEX

condoms: Unless you’re trying to add to the 99 percent, you need to be occupying condoms (see photo) in those tents set up at Old City Hall, fellows. It may feel good without one, but contracting a sexually transmitted disease will only add to the cost of health care. And if the GOP has its way, President Obama’s federal health care plan won’t be an option.

strip clubs: That woman on the pole is a part of the 99 percent, so tip her well. Times are hard out there, and dropping it like it’s hot is the only way some people can repay that student loan. Making it rain on a stripper is adding to the economy, and what better place to have a sit-in? While you’re sitting, you can also get a lap dance.

the Dominatrix’s dungeon: You’ve been bad, really bad. You took a job at Bank of America, you made lots of money, you speed by the Occupy site and don’t even honk your horn. You deserve to be punished. Time to go see Dr. Dominatrix. She’ll whip you into submission, like those sub-prime mortgage rates did the middle class. Then she’ll make you lick her boots until you feel like one of those people who can’t get loans from the banks their tax dollars bailed out.

sex shops: Small businesses provide jobs for many Americans, and if you take a trip down Wilkinson Boulevard, there are several small sex shops that need occupation. Buying that dildo or anal plug isn’t just a way to pleasure yourself — you’re also helping a shop owner screw The Man. Buy some sexy lingerie so you can return from your protest and be a sexy beast.

— Cheris Hodges

MUSIC

iPod Shuffle: You must have an iPod and a playlist of protest music — you know, Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power,” John Lennon’s “Imagine,” Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come,” CCR’s “Fortunate Son,” anything by Rage Against the Machine or (since this all started on Wall Street) Pink Floyd’s “Money.” Just don’t include anything too cool or underground like Minutemen or Immortal Technique. How’s The Man gonna know you’re protesting him if he hasn’t heard your song on TV?

Lucky Five: These Charlotte funk-rockers have come up with the perfect Occupy-ready album title (see photo). If nothing else, carrying around a CD called La Resistance with the image of a firing squad on the cover will get you in with the Che Guevera T-shirt crowd.

Temperance League: Charlotte’s Bruce Hazel and Co. wear their politics on their sleeves, tackling topics including war, the economy and unemployment. But the singer’s greatest revolutionary talent is his ability to spit beer higher than any other rocker that ever existed.

Inspired By …: In order to properly cash in on the Occupy movement, you must be indie and you cannot be a ’90s mainstream “alternative” has-been. Therefore, Charlotte hip-hop group Eyes of the Elders’ song “Occupy” (and its video including requisite news footage) is permitted, while that shitty pop song with the line “Come on and meet me down at Zuccotti Park,” by Third Eye Blind, should be avoided at all costs.

Si Kahn: If you’re going to have a revolution, you must have an old dude who plays an acoustic guitar and sings protest songs everyone can sing along to. Charlotte has just that dude. Problem is, Si Kahn is retired. Protest singers don’t retire! Pete Seeger’s 92, for Christ’s sake! Someone needs to occupy Mr. Kahn’s front yard and demand that he make a comeback.

— Jeff Hahne

MEET-UPS

Common Market: If you’re planning a revolution, you must have a place to go meet your comrades and do your strategizing. With its literally hundreds of oddball knickknacks, most touting some kind of leftist propaganda (Obama breath mints, anyone?) — not to mention a killer selection of beer, wine and coffee — Common Market easily would be my No. 1 choice. Owner Blake Lewis even has a full-size poster of Vladimir Lenin on the door of his office. He calls it his Lenin closet.

Amélie’s French Bakery: For starters, it has a French name, a French vibe and it’s open 24/7. There’s plenty of mismatched furniture and tables for computers and note-taking. The pastries are amazing and the coffee’s not half bad. And the staff is so lackadaisical about serving customers, you’d think you were selling them something. Can’t get much more anti-bourgeois than that.

Area 15: This funky building wedged into the edge-of-downtown neighborhood of Optimist Park (appropriate name, huh?) is like a commune of art spaces and small businesses. Members of Occupy Charlotte have been known to do their strategic planning here. As far as we know, no business owner at Area 15 is part of the 1 percent.

Philosopher’s Stone: I’m not an alcohol drinker these days, but if I were, this would be the place I’d sit with my crew over a few cold ones and talk revolution. How can you not talk revolution at a watering hole with a jukebox full of meandering Dead songs and a name like Philosopher’s Stone? OK, so the jukebox could stand a few more energetic tracks by the likes of the Clash, the Coup, Phil Ochs and Billy Bragg.

Starbucks: Ha! Just kidding. Corporate scum!

— Mark Kemp

RESTAURANTS

Carlos Café: Fidel Castro’s 26th of July revolt in 1959 set a standard for last century’s Latin American political revolutions. The culinary benefit, though, was the creation of Little Havanas with Cuban eateries in major metropolitan areas up and down the East Coast. Charlotte never had a large Cuban community, so if you’re Occupying at the Old Court House Uptown, it might be hard to get down to Rock Hill for your revolutionary fill of Ironbeer (a soft drink), green or sweet plantains, Cuban sandwiches (see photo), and arroz con pollo a la chorrera. Maybe catch a ride with a comrade. (1998 Cherry Road, Rock Hill, S.C., 803-329-7171. www.carloscafe.com)

Wan Fu: The Chinese had a tumultuous two centuries filled with revolutionary ideas and battles. The Righteous Harmony Society Movement (aka The Boxers) was a group of disenfranchised people who responded to Western encroachment and religions with an uprising. During this time, imperial palaces became places of refuge for Westerners. Some of those palaces were called Wan Fu, which literally means “10,000 happiness.” Charlotte’s Wan Fu first opened its pagoda-style building in 1989 and has been running strong with a six-page menu since. (10719 Kettering Drive, 704-541-1688. www.mywanfu.com)

Intermezzo Pizzeria & Café: Black George was the military leader of the Serbian Revolutionary Army who successfully defeated the Ottoman Empire in 1813 and established the modern state of Serbia. You can have the Serbian dish named for him, Karadjordjeva, at Intermezzo, owned by brothers Djordje and Branko Avramovic, natives of Valjevo, Serbia. (1427 E. 10th St., 704-347-2626. www.intermezzopizzeria.com)

Zapata’s Mexican Restaurant: Emiliano Zapata Salazar was a major player in the 1910 Mexican Revolution. He is known by one name only, Zapata — just like his trio of namesake restaurants in the Charlotte area. Zapata’s features El General on the menu. It’s a combo platter with a choice of enchilada, taco, burrito, tostada, tamal, chile relleno or chimichanga. (19905 Highway 73, Cornelius, 704-987-8890; 8927 J.M. Keynes Drive, 704-503-1979; 15105 John J. Delancey Drive, 704-752-6869. www.zapatasrestaurant.com)

Georges Brasserie: A list of revolutionary restaurants would be incomplete without mentioning the French, mais non? Georges Brasserie, although owned by a Greek-American, crafts classic French dishes: escargot, mussels, trout amadine, cassoulet, and steak frites. Did I mention the cake? It’s a flourless chocolate cake, perfect for peasants and only $8. Vive la France! (4620 Piedmont Row Drive, 980-219-7409. www.georgesbrasserie.com)

— Tricia Childress

This article appears in Dec 6-12, 2011.