MORON OF THE YEAR: A man was arguing with his girlfriend when he grabbed a knife and jokingly placed it against his own throat. He stumbled, however, and his arm jerked, causing him to slice his own neck open. He was rushed to the hospital.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I’m going to have you killed. My boyfriend is a police officer, I’ll have him shoot you. When I kill you, I’ll be able to claim self-defense.
HARDLUCK HOUDINI: When she discovered that she was locked in the back of a car, a woman tried to escape. Unfortunately, the only way out was to repeatedly kick a window until it busted. That worked, but she didn’t get out of the car since her trick was performed in a police cruiser.
THE TWELVE BUCKS OF CHRISTMAS: A woman called police to report that someone had broken into her home and stolen six two-dollar bills that she had framed. The thief wasn’t all bad, however, as the woman told police that all of her Christmas presents were still under the tree.
FREE PARKING: Disgruntled with the prices charged by parking garages, one man showed his displeasure by jumping up and down on a garage’s security arm until it broke off.
A HEAVENLY SIGN: A bank called one of its customers to inform her that her deceased grandmother was still writing checks around town. Of course, this wasn’t quite the case, and the woman closed the account.
SWEPT AWAY: Fighting between students is a pretty common occurrence in this day and age. One student took it to a new level, however, when he stole the janitor’s broom, found his rival, and cracked the broom over her head, breaking the broom in half.
NO HABLO ESPANOL: Last month, a woman informed police that during a span of four days, she received around 200 calls to her home from a recording in Spanish. The woman said she doesn’t speak the language.
PACKIN’ SWEET: A grocery store employee called police after he witnessed a shopper putting an item in his coat and exiting the store. The shoplifter stuck around in his car long enough to be found and arrested. The item he was concealing, a one-dollar bag of sugar, was returned.
COLD CASE: While a man was inside his home, with his car warming up outside, someone got in the car and stole it.
YOU’LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT: A mother decided to take her son with her while she shopped recently. While she was browsing aisles, the young man walked back to the sporting goods section, calmly took a razor blade from his pocket, and sliced open a package containing a pellet gun. He then proceeded to put the pellet gun down his pants, limp toward the front of the store, and join his mother at the checkout line. When they reached the parking lot, they were detained, he was arrested, and the gun was returned.
FETISH FAUX PAS: A man broke into a woman’s apartment and stole two computer disks off her desk. The disks were nursing CD ROMs. The kinky crook was no doubt upset when he discovered they had nothing to do with breast-feeding.
WORDY DIRTY: A woman called police to report some very nasty and unusual phone calls she’d been receiving. She said the caller told her what types of sexual activities he’d like to engage in with her, and with which body parts. She said the words he chose were quite vulgar, and very short in their consonant and vowel tone.
Blotter items are taken from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.
This article appears in Dec 24-30, 2003.
