Chemistry lesson: A 48-year-old man was assaulted when a suspect threw an unknown liquid in his face. The man believes the mystery liquid was Clorox. After the liquid attack, the suspect slapped the man’s glasses off his face. CL advises if you are trying to splash chemicals in someone’s face, it’s slap the glasses off first, then hit with the toxins.
Next time try a knife: An intoxicated man pulled out his cutlery on a family member and made threatening stabbing gestures with his fork. When police arrived, the man began yelling at them. He refused to drop his weapon or place his hands behind his back. According to the police report, “the suspect was arrested for resisting arrest.” (Isn’t that a catch-22?) He was also charged with communicating threats.
More from the police reports: This is verbatim: “The victim reported that the listed suspect struck her. The suspect did not have permission to assault the victim at any time.” Apparently, to this cop, it would have been OK if the victim had given the suspect permission to beat her.
Charlotte’s Finest Criminal Minds: How many thugs does it take to steal a license plate? Eight, according to a 70-year-old man. That’s how many people he said stole the tag off his 1989 Caddy.
Funky meat: A Bi-Lo shopper was stopped when he tried to walk out of the store with two steaks down his pants. The report indicates the steaks were returned to the store. So if you bought meat at a Bi-Lo last week, you just may have consumed the crotch steaks.
Amateur Graffiti: A woman discovered graffiti written on the side of her home. The text appeared to be scribbled, with the only discernible word being the f-bomb. The woman suspects a child did the crime. CL suspects it was a giggling child. In another incident, A woman entered her living room and found it had been vandalized. Someone had written on the walls in black marker. Nasty comments had been inscribed. This child must be on a spree.
Sounds like a Lynyrd Skynyrd Song: During a scuffle, a man was hit over the head with a liquor bottle and bitten on the arm.
Fashion Victim: A 54-year-old woman was reported last seen at 6:30am on March 3. The woman disappeared in her red Pontiac Grand Am and was believed to be wearing a polka-dot jacket.
Blotter items are chosen from the files of the Charlotte Police Department.
This article appears in Mar 15-21, 2006.
