Dear Karma Cleanser:
A few years ago, I had a baby. I thought things would work out. They didn’t. So I’m walking the single mom walk, which I can deal with except for the Babydaddy drama.
I have full custody, but I let him see our kid. But Babydaddy’s broke, so he doesn’t pay child support or daycare. He sees the kid when he wants to but isn’t reliable enough for anything like a schedule. I can’t plan to have a night off, it’s at Babydaddy’s whim. If he’s busy, I gotta find a sitter, which I can’t afford.
For that B.S., I seek no advice. It’s the terrible, deep dark wishes I harbor for Babydaddy. Every time he cancels a visit, I have to tell the sad puppy eyes that daddy isn’t coming. In the back of my mind, I’m praying he gets in a life-ending car accident so our kid doesn’t have to deal with constant disappointment. Are my bad thoughts going to come back and bite me on the ass?
—Witch doctor
You’re being too easy on Mr. Babydaddy by letting him participate in the child’s life without assuming the financial realities of fatherhood. But praying for his death feels too harsh, even considering his notable fuck-ups. There’s a middle path here, one that puts you somewhere between voodoo priestess and doormat. You need to get this situation back on your terms. Be friendly but be firm. Imagine a new reality where you’re getting what you want and what the kid needs. Now make it happen.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
I will make this brief. I am a woman who works in an office full of ill-tempered, back-biting, bitter, jealous women. I want to go back to school to earn a better income and, how shall I put this, rub it in their faces. My question is that since I feel this way, is karma going to bite me in the behind? I keeping thinking back to the old adage that the best “revenge” is to go on in life and live well.
—Billionaire in training
Isn’t every office full of back-biting and jealousy? You’re not wrong in wanting to improve your life condition, and a half gallon of spite can certainly fuel that engine of determination for many miles ahead. But once you do better yourself, we suspect you won’t even remember the co-workers making your life hell. Fantasia said it best: “Go ahead and free yourself.” But do it for yourself, not for the bitches in your office.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in Oct 19-25, 2005.
