Dear Karma Cleanser:
There is something majorly f-ed up with my job karma. In two years, I’ve had four jobs, each one worse than the last.
In my present company, we have a boss who acts like a mixture of Dabney Coleman in 9 to 5 and Steve Carell in The Office. The other day he called me into his office to meet a group of businessmen visiting from out of town. One of them, a slimy, heavy-set man, gave me a gift bag. I opened it and was shocked to see that it had a sex toy inside of it. Everyone in the room laughed while I turned red.
I can’t really sue the company or say this is sexual harassment, because I later found out that this man’s business is making sex toys, and he was meeting with my boss about something related to his business.
This is just one example of many. All I’m saying is, I need to get a new job, but also need to figure out what I did in a past life to deserve all of this.
— Don’t Call Me Honey
Poor Steve Carell. Of the dozens of hilarious and inspired roles he’s played, poor dude’s now synonymous with the dickhead boss from an also-ran sitcom. It ain’t pretty. He recently landed the lead in the new Get Smart film, but we’re guessing he’ll always be that guy from The Office. There’s a lesson for you here: Just because you’ve been cast in some crappy work roles doesn’t mean you’re done for. Stop blaming it on job karma: Get smart and put yourself back on the market.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
In response to “It Girl,” who had been dating several guys from the same bar: You really went light on this little hussy, didn’t you? I don’t know for sure, but I’m damn near convinced it was my car she used for the hook-up with the guy from the bar. Do you know how much that sucks, having to clean up the mess your “girlfriend” made with another guy in your vehicle?
She and I are not only finished, I’ve let all the other guys know that she’s a two-faced little bitch. There’s a good chance she’s given all of us herpes.
Just thought you might want to know the “rest of the story.”
— Kleen Ex
Ouch. Bitter much, cowboy? Not to make light of your situation — because, yes, cleaning up any sex stains tends to suck, let alone your ex’s — but we’re not sure you’ve got the right girl. The letter made it clear that it was her date’s truck where the incident occurred: The guy was too cheap to get a hotel room. In any case, sorry about your dating troubles. We’ll give you the same advice we gave her: Swear off the bar scene for a while. How about a nice, old-fashioned online romance for once?
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
This article appears in May 3-9, 2006.
