Thinning the herd: A 20-year-old man was killed in Denver during afternoon rush hour on Sept. 1 when he jumped from a car going about 40 mph. According to friends, he had been planning a nonfatal jump for a while because he wanted to endure some trauma in order to muster the courage to get a tattoo. … A 15-year-old boy in Maryland Heights, Mo., who had been demonstrating his pain tolerance by clobbering himself on the head with his skateboard, invited a pal to take a shot, too; the first blow knocked him out, and he died four days later.
A helping hand at the DMV: And a September General Accounting Office report described (based on undercover work in seven states) the customer-friendliness that motor vehicle offices display when people try to obtain driver’s licenses fraudulently. Clerks routinely give “applicants” back their bogus papers (instead of confiscating them) and cheerfully instruct them exactly how to “correct” the applications to assure that they’ll get that license on the next attempt.
Latest religious messages: A July Wall Street Journal report revealed that some women’s clothing stores in Tehran, Iran, do a brisk backroom business in tight, colorful, sheer, form-fitting robes that are severely frowned upon by the conservative Islamic government, which prescribes the formless hijab robe. One clerk showed one that was actually a “paper-thin beige tunic made of stretchy material with two slits on each side, with a matching tank top.” Other popular robes make strategic use of zippers for women who have to convert their flashy clothing into something conservative in a hurry. … In September, religious fundamentalists brawled in Brooklyn, N.Y., when the locally dominant Satmar sect of ultra-Orthodox Jews moved aggressively against slightly less-ultra-Orthodox Jews who were using a loophole to be able to push baby strollers and wheelchairs around during the Sabbath, when such activity is prohibited in public. “The [Satmars] were like animals,” said a security guard who witnessed the incident. (The “eruv” loophole allows such labor inside a symbolic wall, which the more liberal ultras had constructed with sticks and string.)
Least competent criminals: Florida wildlife officials, suspecting that Israel A. Cervantes was illegally shooting at deer from his car in the Ocala National Forest in August, asked to inspect his home freezer for stored meat, and, professing innocence, Cervantes agreed. There was no deer meat, but apparently Cervantes forgot about the pound of marijuana in the freezer, and he was arrested. … William Penny was arrested in Greenwood, Ind., in August, putting a halt to his alleged identity-theft business. Three times in a three-day period, he had aroused suspicion of several people in a neighborhood by approaching a certain ATM on foot, carrying a motorcycle helmet, donning the helmet as he neared the ATM’s camera, making a withdrawal (with someone else’s ID, allegedly), walking away, and then removing the helmet.
More things to worry about: The Danish beer company Carlsberg announced it was relocating a plant from Stockholm, Sweden, to Gothenburg because there was too much uranium in the spring it uses near Stockholm. … The interior minister of the Netherlands, citing public concern, proposed to ban police officers from coffee shops that also legally sell marijuana. … Authorities in Putnam County, W.Va., announced that someone had broken into a sheriff’s deputy’s home while he was away on vacation and set up a methamphetamine lab.
Out of control in Boston: Furious at a rush-hour accident that blocked traffic in the Boston suburb of Weymouth, motorist (and software engineer) Anna Gitlin, 25, went ballistic at a police officer and then allegedly bumped him with her car, screaming, “I don’t care who [expletive deleted] died. I’m more important” (June). … Joseph DiGirolamo, 43, distraught over domestic problems, allegedly barricaded himself inside an ex-girlfriend’s home in Boston and hurled household items (TV set, room air conditioner, broomstick, a pot of boiling water) at police officers, threatening to kill them, before he was subdued (May).
Also in the last month: In Boulder, Colo., a 47-year-old man was arrested for allegedly trying to steal a woman’s backpack, his 177th arrest. … Absolutely no one voted in a Sept. 16 school board election in Mississippi County, Ark. — not even Carl Miner, who was the only person on the ballot.
(c) 2003 Chuck Shepherd
This article appears in Oct 8-14, 2003.
