Best of The Blotter 2003 

Underdressed: While sleeping on the couch in their front room, a man and his wife were awakened by loud voices and cursing coming from the street. The man said that one person was standing in the street arguing with the driver and passenger of a nearby car. The person in the street became very upset and broke the side mirror off the homeowner's car. When the man yelled at the mirror-breaker, the vehicle took off and the person in the street started running in the opposite direction. The man chased him for about a block until he realized that he was wearing only his boxers and T-shirt and should probably go back to his house. The vehicle circled the block and picked up the other man, who had fled on foot.

Priorities In Order: A young man walking through an intersection heard gunshots. He began to run, but after a short distance he realized that he was shot so he stopped running and went to use a phone. Instead of calling an ambulance to take him to the hospital, he called his father to come and take him to the police department to make sure he didn't have any outstanding warrants. Then he went to the hospital.

Frigi-Dare: Residents of an apartment found closure after puzzling for months over missing food. Since February, the women living in the apartment had noticed food randomly disappearing from their mini-fridge. They guessed that someone had a key to their apartment, but didn't ask their landlord to change the locks until recently. While one of the women stood on her balcony, she spotted a man inside the apartment near her roommate's door. He ran when he realized the woman had noticed him. Upon inspecting her roommate's room, she found the man had attempted to steal food from her fridge. After the incident, the women's landlord consented to change their deadbolt lock.

Pass At Your Own Risk: While a woman followed a dumptruck down a North Charlotte road, a rock fell from the truck and cracked her windshield. Then, as she attempted to pass the truck, the driver tried to sideswipe the woman's car by swerving toward her. When the two were stopped at a traffic light, the truck driver hit the woman's bumper repeatedly and threatened to harm her. The woman and her passengers went to the hospital for treatment for neck and back injuries.

Can I Super Size That: At a local fast food business a man entered the drive-thru on foot; he tried to place an order and was refused. The cashier told the man that he had to place his order inside and that the drive-thru was for customers in cars. The man became very angry and picked up a rock and threw it at the drive-thru window, smashing it.

Be My Baby: A woman who had had enough of the sound of a baby crying in the next apartment began banging on the walls to urge the parents to calm down the infant. After 10 minutes of banging didn't lead to any decrease in the baby's bawling, she knocked on their door but no one ever answered. Frustrated, she called police who also heard the baby's wails but couldn't get anyone to open up. They asked the apartment complex manager to open the door, after which they noted that the baby's sounds were coming from a CD player's speakers. The apartment's renters were contacted and they explained that they had bought a CD of baby cries while at the beach and thought it would be a good way to keep burglars out.

Well, That Stinks: An acquaintance entered a man's home and threw perfume in his face, then began to strike him in the neck, face, and upper body.

Hunting Season: Several juveniles were playing with a BB gun. When a local woman came around the corner, one of the kids pointed the gun at her and accidentally shot her in the head.

Follow That Cab!: A driver for a local cab company was dispatched to a hotel to pick up a customer. The customer told the driver the address he wanted to go to. When the cab got close to that location, the customer wanted to be taken to a friend's house so that he could get the money for the cab fare. The friend in question had no money either, so the customer requested yet another location where his money supposedly was being held. The cab driver drove the customer to that location and then called 911 so the police could meet him there. After all those stops, the customer was unable to pay for the cab ride and was placed under arrest for failure to pay cab fare.

Makes Your Whites Whiter: After grabbing hold of each other in an argument the offender managed to reach a container of bleach and poured the whole thing on the woman's clothing.

Smooth Operator: A woman who had left her boyfriend began receiving phone messages from the ex about 10 times a day, asking her to come back. By the end of each day, the messages became more and more threatening. Finally, lover boy said he was going to rip the side mirrors from her car, and sure enough, she went out the next morning and had no mirrors on her car. Romeo had also poured sugar into the gas tank of her car.

Something's A-foot: A patient in a group home ran away. While the patient was gone another man stole the runaway's two shoes.

Drugs Are Bad, Kids, Mmm-kay?: While walking down the road a man was approached by a group of men who told him he needed to buy drugs from them. When the man refused, the dealers chased him down the road. The man made it to his apartment, but when the dealers began throwing rocks into his apartment windows, he called the cops.

Rock Star Wanna Be: After a man checked out of a motel, the staff noticed that he had done some damage to his room. The man had cut a 5x6-inch hole in the carpet in the corner of the room, broken a light fixture, burned a hole in the bathtub, which probably isn't easy, and burned another hole in the top of the TV.

Defrosted: While driving down the road, a man tried to clear up his windshield, which had fogged up. He let his car drift too far to the right and he hit a car parked on the side of the road, tearing off his own fender. The driver fled the scene, but the VIN number was retrieved from the fender, and he was later confronted by police at his home and issued a citation.

This Is Your Brain On Drugs: An employer and his live-in caregiver had a work agreement, but the employer told the caregiver he was terminating the agreement early because of the caregiver's drug and alcohol use. The caregiver became irate and told his employer, "I'll kick your ass, your Daddy's ass and your brother's ass!" He left the house but later returned with this addendum: "If you change the locks on the door, I'll kick the door to get in."

I Nose That Had To Hurt: After two men and a woman started arguing, one of the men grabbed the woman by her nose and threatened to hurt both her and her male friend (the other man involved). As a result of being grabbed by her nose, the woman's nose ring pinched her and a small amount of blood seeped out of her nostril.

Easy Listening: Police were called out to a possible suicide. The girlfriend of the "victim" said she came home and found her boyfriend in the garage with his vehicle running, so she called the police. She spoke to her boyfriend, and he told her he was just listening to a song on the radio and was only going to be in there for a very short period of time.

All The Time In The World: A woman called police and reported that someone had been calling her and harassing her for four years.

Who To Believe?: A domestic dispute wound up with the police being called to investigate. A man and woman both agreed that they had been sitting around drinking alcoholic beverages and had started arguing. The man said the woman suddenly began breaking furniture, pictures and other items and when he tried to calm her down, she bit him on his left bicep. The woman, though, said that during their initial argument, the man had hurt her and it was then and only then that she bit his bicep and then followed up by running through the house breaking things.

Relief At Last: A man walked into a grocery store and took 100 single packs of Tylenol Sinus.

Pimp Smack: An elderly man called police after an angry and intoxicated woman whacked him several times on his forehead. The man suffered cuts to his forehead from the woman's sharp ring, and the woman was taken to detox to sober up.

Black Out: At a local nightclub, an argument between an SUV owner and his cousin led to the SUV being shot into on the front passenger side. Somehow, the owner didn't realize his SUV had been shot until 11am the next day.

Stripper Teased: A local adult entertainment club called police on behalf of a jilted entertainer. After the entertainer performed $100 worth of private dances for a customer, the man bolted out of the club.

Bed-Napping: When a man and his ex-girlfriend couldn't settle who would get the furniture after their break-up, the man elicited some help from his uncle to resolve the dispute. While his ex was away, the man and his uncle broke down her front door and stole her entire living room and bedroom suites, with an estimated value of about $5,500. The boyfriend already had an outstanding warrant for breaking into the woman's house, possibly explaining the break-up.

Matriarchal Catfight: A Mount Pleasant woman received stitches to her hand after she got into a fight with her sister. Each sister claimed that the other had disrespected their mama. The fight escalated into a brawl, at which point one sister slashed the other's hand with a broken beer bottle.

Mr. Gun Happy Calls The Cops: Burglars who broke into a man's apartment knew exactly what to look for once inside. The thieves stole his AK-47, 500 rounds of armor-piercing 7.26 ammunition, a lockbox containing the paperwork for the firearm, and $500 in coins. MORON OF THE YEAR: A man was arguing with his girlfriend when he grabbed a knife and jokingly placed it against his own throat. He stumbled, however, and his arm jerked, causing him to slice his own neck open. He was rushed to the hospital.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: I'm going to have you killed. My boyfriend is a police officer, I'll have him shoot you. When I kill you, I'll be able to claim self-defense.

HARDLUCK HOUDINI: When she discovered that she was locked in the back of a car, a woman tried to escape. Unfortunately, the only way out was to repeatedly kick a window until it busted. That worked, but she didn't get out of the car since her trick was performed in a police cruiser.

THE TWELVE BUCKS OF CHRISTMAS: A woman called police to report that someone had broken into her home and stolen six two-dollar bills that she had framed. The thief wasn't all bad, however, as the woman told police that all of her Christmas presents were still under the tree.

FREE PARKING: Disgruntled with the prices charged by parking garages, one man showed his displeasure by jumping up and down on a garage's security arm until it broke off.

A HEAVENLY SIGN: A bank called one of its customers to inform her that her deceased grandmother was still writing checks around town. Of course, this wasn't quite the case, and the woman closed the account.

SWEPT AWAY: Fighting between students is a pretty common occurrence in this day and age. One student took it to a new level, however, when he stole the janitor's broom, found his rival, and cracked the broom over her head, breaking the broom in half.

NO HABLO ESPANOL: Last month, a woman informed police that during a span of four days, she received around 200 calls to her home from a recording in Spanish. The woman said she doesn't speak the language.

PACKIN' SWEET: A grocery store employee called police after he witnessed a shopper putting an item in his coat and exiting the store. The shoplifter stuck around in his car long enough to be found and arrested. The item he was concealing, a one-dollar bag of sugar, was returned.

COLD CASE: While a man was inside his home, with his car warming up outside, someone got in the car and stole it.

YOU'LL SHOOT YOUR EYE OUT: A mother decided to take her son with her while she shopped recently. While she was browsing aisles, the young man walked back to the sporting goods section, calmly took a razor blade from his pocket, and sliced open a package containing a pellet gun. He then proceeded to put the pellet gun down his pants, limp toward the front of the store, and join his mother at the checkout line. When they reached the parking lot, they were detained, he was arrested, and the gun was returned.

FETISH FAUX PAS: A man broke into a woman's apartment and stole two computer disks off her desk. The disks were nursing CD ROMs. The kinky crook was no doubt upset when he discovered they had nothing to do with breast-feeding.

WORDY DIRTY: A woman called police to report some very nasty and unusual phone calls she'd been receiving. She said the caller told her what types of sexual activities he'd like to engage in with her, and with which body parts. She said the words he chose were quite vulgar, and very short in their consonant and vowel tone.

Love Is Strange: Loud arguing among residents at a motel prompted a neighbor to call the cops. When an officer arrived, a man told him that during a fierce argument, the loud man had hit his girlfriend in the ear with a beer bottle. In retaliation, the man's girlfriend hit him over the head with a wire coat hanger and cut him above his eye. However, the couple, who had dated for nine years, denied hitting each other and refused to take legal action.

Insult To Injury: Someone drove a car through the wall of a woman's apartment, after which a city building inspector deemed her home unfit to occupy. Following the advice of her landlord, who promised that her belongings would be safe despite the gaping hole, the woman sought shelter away from her home for one night, leaving all her possessions unattended. Well, guess what. When she returned the next morning to check on her home, she discovered that thieves had plundered the apartment and taken $2,000 worth of clothes and electrical appliances.

Pit Stop: A young man walked into a convenience store, bought a pack of cigarettes and then began wandering around the store. When he tried to leave, the clerk noticed that the customer's pants were bulging in front. He stopped the man and called police, but failed to lock the door. In the meantime, the customer pulled some candy bars, two beers and a big bag of Cheetos out of the front of his pants, hit the clerk, picked up the beers again, and scooted out the door.

File Cabinet of Mass Destruction: While traveling down an interstate, a man ran over a file cabinet, which he hadn't noticed sitting in the middle of the road. The file cabinet punctured the gas tank of his Mercedes and disabled the car. As he waited for police to arrive, two other cars ran over the file cabinet and got flat tires. After an officer arrived to assist the drivers, the owner of the file cabinet returned to claim it.

A Feat for Houdini: A badgering caller threatened to twist beyond common lengths to injure a middle-aged man. The man reported that the heckler repeatedly threatened him by saying, "If you put the phone down, I will come through the phone."

What a package!: A storeowner stated that a man came into his store, concealed eight or nine bottles of wine in his pants and left the store without paying. The man then drove away. It's not known whether he removed the bottles of wine from his pants before driving.

One Mean Mother. . . .: A threat was communicated to a woman at her home. The threatener said, "I'm going to get you, bitch. I'm going to have my mother come and fuck you up." The threatenee stated that she believes the threat will be carried out because this particular mother has come to her job before to try to scare her.

Hot Head: While attempting to breathe fire out of his mouth, a man caught his face and head on fire.

Origins Unknown: A discarded automatic teller machine was found behind a nightclub.

Family Values: A woman who is separated from her husband let her children spend some time with her mother-in-law. When Granny brought the kids home, the two women began to argue, with the mother-in-law yelling at the woman for leaving her son. Soon, the argument became so heated that a fight started, during which the mother-in-law choked the children's mother.

A FISHY THREAT: The following message was left on a man's answering machine by an unknown person: "I'm going to beat you up for hitting my dog; and I'm going to hit you with a trout. I'm going to steal your car, lazy boy, and take your job."

YOU MIGHT FEEL A SLIGHT PRICK: A man's wife decided there was no better time to slap him hard in the face than while he was giving blood.

SET THE BEST EXAMPLE: A sleepover held by two young girls went downhill one evening when they began to argue. After hearing about it, the girls' mothers decided to take action and teach their daughters the proper way to settle a dispute. This, however, also went downhill as the two mothers assaulted each other after words ere exchanged over how to discipline the children.

EXTENSION OF MY LOVE: A boyfriend and girlfriend got into an argument one evening. The spat turned violent and erupted into a fight during which the man grabbed the woman by her hair weave and tossed her to the floor.

IN HOT WATER: Two roommates had an argument over who'd get to use the shower first. The loser of the argument left the apartment, but not before stealing money from his bathing roommate. The winner responded by eventually finding the thief, running him over with a car, and beating him with a baseball bat.

HOW'S THAT WORK?: A man received a handful of harassing phone calls recently. He told the caller to stop but the calls kept coming. The man on the other end threatened to damage his property, telling the man, "I'm gonna come by there and shoot up your house if you don't pay for the stuff I stole."

RUDE AWAKENING: A woman woke suddenly in her motel room to find a man breaking in through the window. The man didn't harm her but kept asking for Tony. There was no Tony in the room, so the man apologized and left the woman frightened and puzzled.

BED BUGS?: A man came home to discover that his roommate had filled his bedsheets with cooked pasta, and his pillowcase with jelly. The distraught roommate blamed it on the fact that his so-called friend was a dropout and must've been bored.

DRIVE FAST, MAN!: A thief decided he'd like to steal an armful of leather coats from a department store one evening. The only hitch in his plan was that he had no getaway car. He went for it anyway and stole the coats. As for a getaway vehicle, the man simply hailed a cab. He was later apprehended in the cab and the coats were returned.

TALK ABOUT IRONY: While a man was in jail serving time for burglary, his apartment was broken into and everything was stolen.

ERSATZ ANTHRAX: While getting her mail one afternoon, a woman noticed a white powdery substance on and in her mailbox. She immediately called police and a task force was dispatched. When officers arrived, they noticed the powder on and in the woman's neighbors' mailboxes too. Upon closer inspection, the substance was found to be baby powder. The task force on the scene wiped the area clean.

HIGHLY FLAMMABLE: One foolish vandal must not have read the warning label on a can of spray paint, because he ran it through a gas clothes dryer at a laundromat. The can blew up and set fire to another clothes dryer and a vending machine. The walls and ceilings of the room were also damaged. The fire department responded to the explosion and extinguished the flames before they got out of control.

THAT'LL TEACH HER: After an argument, a woman told a man never to return to her home. He did, two days later, but said nothing to the woman, nor did he approach her. He simply walked up to a tree in her yard, cut off a limb, picked it up, and left.

PAINFUL ALLOWANCE: When her son acted up the other day, a mother grabbed the boy's piggy bank and hit him over the head with it.

RUDE AWAKENING: A woman woke up one morning to find herself in an unfamiliar hotel room. She did not know how she got there, what she did the night before, or if she'd had any sexual relations.

IMPATIENT DRUNKS: The Sunday alcohol law was tested recently when a man and his wife went into a convenience store to buy beer. After being informed that they were too early, the man took the beer and smashed it on the ground. While they exited the store toward their car, they noticed the store clerk writing down their license plate number. They promptly re-entered the store and pummeled him.

SPEED DATING: An apparently lonely and none too suave man called a woman to tell her, "If you don't go out with me, I will damage your windows and slash your tires."

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL: Risking eternal damnation, a thief entered a Christian music store and stole a handful of CDs.

DETAILING FROM HELL: To protect his brand new car's shine, a man dropped a protective cover over it. The cover claims to repel dirt, water, and snow. But when the man looked out of his window late one night, he saw that his car's cover was on fire.

CAN'T GET NO SATISFACTION: One man must have had someone waiting at home for him, because he rushed into a convenience store and rushed out with a pack of condoms he didn't pay for. He was detained in the parking lot.

GOOD SAMARITAN PROFILING?: A woman recently called police to report that an unknown man pulled up in his car next to her as she was walking in a parking lot and offered her a ride. She said no and he drove off. The woman then called police and told them that she didn't feel threatened at all but you just never know.

WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE: A man was sitting at a bar one evening drinking and watching the big game. He decided that what the atmosphere needed was a whole lot of cursing. So he obliged himself and let loose a diatribe of profanity-laced sentences. A man sitting next to him didn't take kindly to his words, so he walked up to the curser and beat the hell out of him.

SLICED: A man was arrested for beating his wife with a loaf of bread.

SEASON'S GREETINGS: Check out this spirited quote: "Because it's the holidays, I'll be merciful to your sorry ass and not shoot you." Knowing it's better to give than receive, the man followed up his statement by slapping the other guy in the face.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: This is D, motherfuckers! I know y'all ain't gonna make me pay some hundred odd dollars for some jacked up looking rental car. Had I known y'all was gonna redecorate my shit like that, I'd have had all my motherfucking dogs come cap you.

DIRTY MONEY: Quote of the week: I'll get my money from you one way or the other, even if I have to take it out of your ass!

DRIVE-IN MOVIE: A man drove up to a movie theater, got out of his car, and ran to the window to buy tickets for a later show. This prompted someone to hop in his still running car and drive off.

MORON OF THE YEAR: A man was arguing with his girlfriend when he grabbed a knife and jokingly placed it against his own throat. He stumbled, however, and his arm jerked, causing him to slice his own neck open. He was rushed to the hospital.