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Bolton Boffed Bountiful Babes? 

OK, children, our lesson today is on Republican family values. No, no, we've already covered "Should you stone or merely shun your gay children?" and "Why Jesus would approve of Tom DeLay's lying and cheating." Today, we're looking at John Bolton, the poster child for anger non-management who George Bush wants to be our United Nations ambassador. It's God's will that Bolton carry the banner of Imperial Bush into Armageddon.

But that wily old mega-sinner and pornographer, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, has been digging around Bolton's past. Bolton's first wife, Christina, dumped him while he was on a trip to Vienna in 1982, divorce records show. She took the furniture, always a bad sign. Court documents provided by Flynt don't say why — but Bolton is known for his abusive ways. A former State Department intelligence chief described Bolton's style as: "Kiss up, kick down."

But the real bomb from Flynt is this statement issued by his publicist: "Corroborated allegations that ... Christina Bolton was forced to engage in group sex have not been refuted by the State Department ... Mr. Flynt has obtained information from numerous sources that Mr. Bolton participated in paid visits to Plato's Retreat, the popular swingers club that operated in New York City in the late 1970s and early 1980s." Scintillating disclosures will unfold in the next issue of Hustler.

Bolton's nomination was sent by a committee to the full Senate on May 12 — without the panel's endorsement. "The US Ambassador to the United Nations must be free of any potential source of disrepute or blackmail," Flynt commented.

Flynt, 62, started Hustler in 1974. Its annual revenues top $150 million. In 1978, while on trial for obscenity in Lawrenceville, Ga., he was gunned down and partially paralyzed. A white supremacist confessed to the crime.

Aren't you just tickled at the thought that there may be some brave senator who will ask Bolton, "Ehhhh, what kind of diplomacy goes on at Plato's Retreat? Some give and take?"

Or, seriously, think about the savaging Bill Clinton would have endured from the GOP and the media if he had allowed a gay prostitute unfettered access to the White House, been photographed holding hands and smooching with an oil sheik — and then nominated a swinger to a key diplomatic post. Kind of makes Monicagate look tame by comparison.

Whatever, don't look for this story in the mainstream media.

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