About 18 months ago I met "Kerry" at a friend's going-away party. Since we both were losing a friend, we started meeting for drinks and found that we had a lot in common — despite him being 16 years older than me. He had some great stories. He had been married for years and came out of the closet at 33. He has two adult daughters and is still on good terms with his ex-wife. He also disclosed that he is HIV-positive.
Our friendship was fine until May, when Kerry got sick and went into the hospital. I volunteered to bring him some personal items from his house and visited him while he was ill.
Now, he's asking me for more help. I'm driving him to his doctor appointments and also suffered through another hospital stay. His condition is getting worse, but he refuses to call his daughters for help. He says he doesn't want to be a burden, and doesn't want them to know about his HIV.
I was in his house feeding his pets and found his address book with phone numbers for his daughters. If he gets sick again, I've vowed that I'm going to call them, which is against Kerry's wishes but in his best interest. I'm confessing this now to alleviate any bad karma it might bring later.
-Nurse Betty
A true friend must sometimes be strong enough to say, "I've had enough and you're being irrational," which is a scary obligation and made much harder when one party is camped out on death's doormat. Your karma should be fine if you tell him the simple truth — that you can't help any more until he fills his family in on his condition. If he refuses their assistance, that's his business. Either way, you should stay as far away from the family stuff as possible.
Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com.
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