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So Long And Thanks For All The Fish 

My grand finale

This is my last column for Creative Loafing. My personal inclination was not to write a "final column" at all; I was just going to adopt Cartman's screw-you-guys-I'm-going-home mentality from South Park and forget the whole thing.

But one of my friends who. . . oh never mind. One of my friends appealed to my Southern upbringing and pointed out that I owe thanks. And though I don't come off like a lady most of the time, well, I am a Southerner, and I mind my P's and Q's.

Anyway, I owe a lot of people, so I need to get started. Don't worry, I'm not going to get too mushy here, but the mush I have included is a congealed mush that has been hardened from years of neglect. Which hardly counts as mush at all.

So first of all, thanks to all of you for reading week after week. Much thanks to those of you who've agreed with me, at least occasionally, but huge thanks to those of you who've disagreed. If you have felt frustrated or angry or insulted by my words, if I've managed to get a rise out of you, then I truly, humbly thank you for giving me the opportunity to rile you. I'm not even being facetious when I say that it's what I live for. If I've written something that's made you think at all, then I'm content.

I owe a huge amount to my students -- past and present. You know, most people do not give high school kids much credit, and right now it's even worse with all the news about gangs and violence in schools. The truth about you guys never comes out. Most of you are rather decent human beings who will do the right thing when it comes down to it. Many of you make it to school and succeed and overcome incredible odds. I love every minute (OK, make that almost every minute) of teaching you and talking to you. You've inspired me and challenged me to be better than I am in all kinds of ways. Thank you!

Thank you to all of my friends who supported me in a variety of ways, from e-mailing me column ideas to listening to me while I've bitched about all things from the personal to the professional to providing helpful feedback about the column (e.g., "That column really sucked!"). Thanks, all.

And my family. Thank you for providing the years of depravity that have gotten me to where I am today. A writer couldn't hope for anything more. And thanks for loving me, if not liking me, even when I write terrible things about you.

Ann, Matt and especially John, my CL editors -- thank you guys for making me sound better than I do.

Special thanks to County Commissioner Bill James for all of your help with the column over the years, not to mention the spiritual guidance, and for being such a faithful reader, if not supporter. I will sorely miss the news articles and links you have forwarded me, although I can only hope that our electronic correspondence is terminated as of today.

OK and now for the big ones. Thank you, Darin, for the continuous argument that, for whatever reason, I never tire of. Thanks for being my "idea man," for reading stuff that I write in THE VOICE, for occasionally letting me borrow my half of the brain we share, for totally pissing me off and cracking me up at exactly the same time, for brutally pointing out all of my flaws in intricate detail. . . Why am I thanking you for this? Ah well, I expect you understand.

And thank you thank you thank you, Bill (my husband, not the county commissioner) for tirelessly reading columns in the middle of the night, for hearing "I need a title for this!" far too many times, for fixing me dinner and letting me eat it in front of the computer and for being a pretty terrific husband. Whenever I manage to accomplish anything, it's because of you.

With that, I'm outta here. See you around, folks.

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