Your five new best friends 

Suggestions for financing your education usually start with, "Carefully budget your financial-aid check." Who are they kidding? By the end of September, most new collegiate spenders will buy new clothes, a new stereo and already have near zero in their bank accounts. Thanks, Uncle Sam, the jeans make my ass look spectacular!

Creative financiers will explain that college poverty can be eased by making contacts -- the right contacts. Usually this refers to people who can secure you a job post-graduation, but there are also people roaming around every campus who can make your life easier right now. Make a point to meet them. A little charm, a nice smile and a little patience can help turn a casual acquaintance into cash in your pocket.

New year, new school, new you. Ditch the old look, but don't max out your credit card. Simply assist a disgruntled retail slave in abusing their employee discounts. Retail slaves are always underpaid and annoyed. Listen to some of their bitching -- preferably that of a person of similar size -- and begin compiling a new wardrobe at 30 percent to 50 percent off the retail price. If your retail slave and you don't share a size, try to score a gift certificate. Some big chains and department stores allow employees to purchase gift certificates at a discount. Your pal can purchase one then slide it over to you, letting you shop at a discount at your leisure. Double discount: Ask when the next big sale is coming up and then use your gift certificate to maximize purchasing power.

You look good, now you gotta eat. Make friends with a food industry worker to ensure some free grub. The way to strike gold is to get chummy directly with a cashier or a waiter, especially at a busy place with good food. A bustling restaurant keeps managers too occupied to peek over your buddy's shoulder or keep track of the orders he places. After all, you're not trying to get anyone fired. Even if a waiter can't get you a totally free meal, something usually gets knocked off the bill. Note: Etiquette requires a healthy tip for the waiter who feeds you for free. Waiters are good, but never underestimate the power of a fast-food cashier. You'll wait in line and pay for your order, but you'll be amazed at how much extra food can fit in your bag. Five sandwiches and four orders of fries for two people!? That's how folks gain the infamous freshman 15. Bonus: No one tips cashiers.

Many college kids will say you need to have a bartender as your friend, which is admittedly helpful. However, it's better to know the bar owner than the bartender. A bar owner, if they like you, can do you more favors. First, you will know not one, but all of the bartenders. More is better because you may never stand in line waiting for drinks again. Second, a bar owner may hand you a stack of complimentary drink vouchers for you and your friends. Third, a bar owner will introduce you to the doormen, who make it a point to take care of their boss's friends. You may never pay a cover charge again -- well, at that bar. Although most people don't know how to spot bar owners, they're fairly easy to pick out of a crowd. Younger owners will hang out in the club on busy nights to check out the business. They look tense at the beginning of the night and don't smile until people pack the bar like cattle.

Early in the semester you should meet the ever useful, sometimes dangerous, cheap bastard. He'll be easy to spot because the cheap bastard frequently talks about scams to make money or how not to spend it. No one wants to eat with him because he figures out his food tab to the penny and leaves an embarrassingly bad tip. However, the trained eye realizes that's just part of his scam to make the other folks at the table throw in more than they should while he pays less. As you hang with the cheap bastard, meet the people that hook him up and make them your people. It's harder for them to say no to you when you've seen them help out the cheap bastard. Plus the cheap bastard is always stubborn, demanding and hard-to-take, so if you show a little friendliness, his pals will gladly help you out.

However, be careful when hanging out with the cheap bastard or you'll be footing his bill. Don't eat anywhere with him and never loan him money -- you'll never get it back.

To enhance your savings and social life, get introduced to a good amateur pharmaceutical distributor. A good one not only stocks your favorite brands of aspirin and other essential party favors, but serves as an unofficial social director. A high influx of weekend customers tips off the distributor to almost all the parties happening on and off campus. Don't forget: Just like mom at the price club, bulk buying drives down individual unit price. Collaborate with friends to make joint purchases.

Economics 102: Favors done equals favors owed. Each of these relationships will take some time and patience, but keeping your money will be well worth your efforts.