JOHNNY ENGLISH 
DIRECTED BY
Peter Howitt
STARS
Rowan Atkinson, John Malkovich
SPY KIDS 3-D: GAME OVER 1/2
DIRECTED BY
Robert Rodriguez
STARS
Daryl Sabara, Alexa Vega
Johnny English is a movie of anticipation. Cast as a bungling British Secret Service underling who’s promoted to top spy after his ineptitude results in the deaths of all the real agents, Rowan Atkinson finds himself in comic situations reminiscent of Inspector Clouseau or Austin Powers. So when we learn that a hospital is located next to the skyscraper that houses the headquarters of the master villain, we just know our doltish hero will end up storming the wrong building and taking a group of befuddled doctors and patients hostage. And when we note that a criminal hired to impersonate the Archbishop of Canterbury has a tattooed slogan running across his buttocks, we realize the inevitability of the scene in which our agent double-oh-zero will mistakenly yank down the pants of the real Archbishop for all the world to see.
In a drama, this kind of forecasting is usually denounced as dreary predictability. But a comedy can often get away with such obviousness, depending on our desire to see our goofy protagonist reacting to these kinds of situations.
In Johnny English, we do want to see these situations, if only to count the numerous ways Atkinson will contort his rubber band of a face. Deadpan one second, bug-eyed the next, then pseudo-suave, then fretful, then pained — it’s like watching an entire comedy film festival rolled into one mug.
After the vulgarity of the Austin Powers franchise, in which every sequence seemingly had to do with one bodily function or another, the PG-rated Johnny English seems almost like a quaint throwback, with only one major sight gag involving “poo.” In this cinematic age of excremental excess, it’s a refreshing change, and in that respect the movie begs comparison to last summer’s unexpectedly funny Undercover Brother, another spy spoof with sharp comic senses. It probably doesn’t hurt that two of English‘s screenwriters, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade, were responsible for last year’s Die Another Day, the best James Bond outing in ages; clearly, these men know their way around the genre and how to best tweak it.
English’s adversary turns out to be Pascal Sauvage, a powerful French businessman who, because of a royal connection far back in his lineage, plots to have himself declared king of England just so he can ruin the country by turning it into one giant maximum-security prison (shades of Escape from New York). Many Americans’ recent French-bashing grew tiresome, but in the context of this film, it’s all in good fun, with English labeling Pascal a “fruity Frenchman” and dismissing his country by stating, “The only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.” Malkovich’s game performance doesn’t hurt, either — he’s a suitable foil for Atkinson, and the movie also benefits from a smartly understated turn by Ben Miller as English’s put-upon sidekick (on the other hand, the thespian talents of music star Natalie Imbruglia are impossible to determine, given her humorless role as a fellow spy).
A car chase scene proves to be about as wickedly clever as the much-ballyhooed ones in The Matrix Reloaded and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, but even with inspired sequences like this one, director Peter Howitt (Sliding Doors) can’t keep the picture from losing momentum once it reaches a disappointingly undernourished climax. Still, in a season of heavily hyped titles, it’s nice to find a small-scale picture that delivers what it promises without making a big deal about it. In that respect, Johnny English is one of the summer’s brightest surprises.
The law of diminishing returns clearly applies to Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, the third entry in writer-director Robert Rodriguez’s family-oriented franchise. The 2001 original was deservedly a critical and commercial smash, while last year’s Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams wasn’t half-bad as far as first sequels go. But Rodriguez’s well has run dry for this latest adventure, as he places all his faith in the 3-D effects that are meant to complement the film but instead overwhelm it.
Truth be told, watching this overwrought picture’s frenzied special effects through the 3-D goggles eventually led to a punishing migraine; on top of that, the left eyepiece was so darkly tinted I felt like someone had squirted motor oil into my eye (in fairness, my seatmates saw through their pairs just fine).
Beyond the 3-D aspect, this is simply a poorly scripted adventure yarn, with young Juni (Daryl Sabara) forced to enter a “virtual reality” game in order to save his sister Carmen (Alexa Vega) and vanquish the game’s mad inventor (hammy Sylvester Stallone, guaranteed to rack up another Worst Actor Raspberry Award nomination). Despite some occasionally interesting graphics, the game itself doesn’t seem very exciting (or comprehensible, for that matter), and the action frequently breaks for characters to deliver strained monologues about the importance of family.
Speaking of family, Antonio Banderas and Carla Gugino, so appealing as the Spy Parents in the first film, found their roles largely cut down for Part II and here have been reduced to nothing more than late-inning cameos. And what’s the point of casting Salma Hayek in a 3-D flick and not using the technology to showcase her attributes? I mean her lips, of course; what were you thinking?
This article appears in Jul 23-29, 2003.
