They say a "watched pot never boils" ... but that's bullshit because I just put a pot of water on the stove to make lunch. And as a little science experiment (and to get a nice steam facial), I watched it — and it did in fact start boiling.

The water molecules aren't shy — they're not thinking, "Hold it in. Don't boil ... she's watching us!"

Theory debunked. Perhaps they should change the saying to "A watched phone never rings" ... because that's more accurate.

It may vibrate from a text (most likely not from the person you're waiting on a call from), but it will never ring if you're sitting there waiting for it to.

Not the boss you just interviewed with, not the friend you pissed off, and especially not the person you like and just started dated. Only when you're out living your life will the phone ring, for you to answer at your convenience. It's a law of attraction — if you're sitting around anxious, staring at your phone wondering when they're going to call, all that negativity will keep the phone from ringing. But if you just go about your business knowing that the phone will eventually ring, it does. It's even more scientifically accurate than the boiling water theory.

And no, closing your eyes will not help. A watched phone will never ring.

Brinnnnnnnnnnnnnng Brinnnnnnnnnnnnnng. That's your life calling ... not someone on the phone.

Recently, I was voted into the top 5 Stylish for Charlotte Style Magazine. The only thing I can think of is that they like my main accessory — the giant freckle of a birthmark under my left arm, shown here on the cover.

Don't tell them, but my style secrets include shopping at Target, making sure I don't have any visible boogers, and smiling a lot. Therefore, it took an army to get me ready for the Charlotte Style Week kick-off event at Mercedes Benz Saturday night: Larry at Salon Vivace, Adrian Howe of Beauty Sophisticate Make-up Artistry, who painted my face on like it was her canvas, Effie at Lotus (who just re-opened her store in Metropolitan), and my intern Jordan, who helped me perform my booger check.

The next morning was another Style Week event: Breakfast at Tiffany's. A literal, actual breakfast at Tiffany's ...

Orange You Glad Catering offered shrimp and grits, and having a shellfish allergy I always feel discriminated against at parties. But I ate enough little spinach bites to fill me and Popeye up. And this cake by Silver's Sweets Bakery.

When I looked at the offerings of engagement rings inside the glass display cases ... I still felt nothing. Not even a tingle. Perhaps my biological clock is out of order.

I started shooting the shit with one of the clerks and told her I had a jewelry box full of Tiffany's jewelry hidden under all my costume crap. I told her I wanted to get rid of it because my cheating ex gave it to me, but I didn't want to return it and give him the advantage of it going back on his credit card.

She said if jewelry is returned under a certain time period, they'll give you store credit for it. So we can go trade in our souvenirs from our failed relationships for new bling.

Thank you Tiffany's, for the cheating boyfriend refund policy.

For a full list of Charlotte Style Week events go to.... this link.

(Photography by Erin Hubbs)

This makes me sad ...

Seriously.

Not only does this closing Borders in Hollywood represent my business going out of business, but it's taking away a place to meet quality people. As if dating isn't hard enough, now I'm losing the place I go to meet men. The economy is bad for dating, too!

I wandered in to search for cultured, well-read dorks on the clearance shelf. And all I met were a bunch of aspiring actors loitering in the audio book and Self Help sections.

When they say "everything must go," do they mean the written word as well? It's such a fleeting art. Last Thursday on NBC's 30 Rock, a little girl pointed at her mom and asked what a newspaper stand was, in which a homeless guy responded, "It's a toilet."

I felt inspired to yell with Tina Fey's character, "The written word is not dead!"

I didn't meet a guy in the bookstore, but I did get the new Tina Fey book, Bossypants ... one step closer to crazy cat lady. Too bad I hate cats.

See exhibit A: a picture from my last date. I was feeling enchantment on Enchanted Rock.

Might I suggest taking a date hiking at the White Water Center, or for a boat ride on Lake Norman? Because a date day is even better than a date night.

As for the person on the other end of those hairy legs (the male's, that is) — that's a guy I actually met on tour with Tucker Max while visiting Walter Reed Army Medical Center. He was a patient, and now he's hiking. Miracles do happen — such as him recovering and me having a date.

And regarding those tennis shoes that resemble nurse shoes ... all I have to say is, don't go hiking in Reebox Easy Tones, unless you have a membership to Massage Envy — or in Charlotte, know Jen at Drift Spa. Or better yet, have a wounded soldier to heal your wounds. :wink: