I’m back in Chicago for my second semester at The Second City — and while I am here to attend school, just like back in elementary school, I’m finding myself playing a lot of games. Such as “dirty-slang Scrabble” at The Annoyance Theater and Bar, following Susan Messing’s improv show “Messing with a Friend” (which was so funny I almost peed a little).
And then there’s the game I made up while at a swank downtown Chicago rooftop bar: “Father and daughter? or on a date?”
I couldn’t help but notice an excessive number of silver-haired men fine dining and wining bleached blondes who made my “puma” ass look like a “cougar.” It wasn’t Father’s Day … just saying. Speaking of cougars — if they are older women that hunt younger men, then what are these older men who hunt kitties? … a panther perhaps? Roar.
So, while I was playing more games like “Would You Rather” or “Who Would Win” (in a fight between random animals like a saltwater crocodile or great white, or Susan Messing and Tina Fey in an intense improv battle) the hot little kitties were playing the game in a league of their own — digging their paws to strike gold. Because while each of these young ladies is someone’s daughter, when they’re calling these panthers “daddy” or “old man,” it’s probably not in the same context.
Why do cougars get so much flack? They’re probably only on the prowl because their panther husband left them for a newer model of cat, or is having an affair with one.
Piedmont Town Center At Five on Wednesdays is a great place to watch this phenomenon, as are Ballantyne and Lake Norman. Or even Suite, where I saw an older guy I know go from telling me about moving his family into Myers Park to hanging all over some chick my age. Typical … that the reason I knew him is because he is friends with my douchebag ex.
Anyway, I am getting a good taste of Chicago — including Chicago Taste, which made Charlotte’s look like a high school spaghetti supper. But I don’t care if it’s a steak from Ruth’s Chris — if it’s cooked on the street, it’s street meat.
Read BrittneyAfterDark to get some more taste of Chicago nightlife … and what Charlotte could learn from it.
This article appears in Jul 14-21, 2009.
