When my boyfriend's out of town, I have to admit, it's hard to figure out what I'm supposed to do with my spare time. Especially when he's traveling somewhere epic, like I don't know, Cancun, Mexico!

If you're sensing a twinge of salt, you're damn right. *sighs* But unfortunately, there's this weird rule that girlfriends aren't allowed on bachelor trips, so my invitation never came.

Nevertheless, when the boys are away, the girls will play, so the ladies made plans to fill their weekend.

I had to go home for a quick visit with my mom, who was celebrating a birthday, but when I returned on Sunday I knew I would have to get out of the house so I hit up some gals I knew I could depend on.

After a couple drinks, I remembered why girls' nights and pajama parties were so much fun. For one, you can get as drunk as you want and cry as much as you want, and you won't get on their nerves.

And for a few fleeting moments, I could take my mind off of how much I missed my boo thang.

What started as an easygoing, almost sleepy conversation, quickly turned into a trip down memory lane as we Ubered to one of my old hangouts — Prohibition. I've been a few times for drinks since my earlier years in Charlotte, but it's been few and far between. After all, Pro is one of those bars that quickly became the sloppy college bar that only questionable adults went to.

But there we were on a slow Sunday night living our best lives laughing and talking our heads off — sure, it was I who was doing most of the rambling, but how else was I going to keep my mind off things?

The best part of the night was that there was no drama to be had in sight, and I chalk that up to the fact that there's nobody to argue with when the guys aren't around.

And I'm sure my boyfriend felt the same way sipping drinks at the pool while looking out at ocean waves. Yes, I'm still bitter.

Nevertheless, girls' nights are perfect for ladies that want to switch it up every now and then.

You don't have to wait for a bachelor or bachelorette party to make it happen. Trust me, your significant other will thank you. (Sorry for hogging all of your attention, lover.)

I put together a few ideas for a solid date night in the Queen City with your gal pals:

Treat your tastebuds to fancy cuisine. Finally, it won't be awkward to respond to your waiter or waitress with, "That'll be separate checks, thanks." I'd add La Belle Helene Uptown to your bucket list. You can get dolled up and pretend you know how to pronounce everything on the menu.

Imbibe delectable cocktails. Stiff drinks make for great conversation, or gossip, with your gals. But beware, your girlfriends are a lot less likely to cut you off. I was reminded of the perfect place for an elevated vibe and delicious libations — The Broken Spoke.

Pretend to be an art connoisseur. If you're lucky, your partner has an appreciation for something other than football. If you're not, BFF date night is perfect for activities like going to an art show. I was hoping to be in town for the SOMA art exhibition at Camp North End this past weekend, but naturally parental birthdays are more important. Hopefully, they'll have another soon, because I heard it was epic.

Pick up a new hobby. That will also make your significant other happy. Your boo may not be interested in pottery making, cooking classes, SkillPop courses or beading. But there's a silver lining. At least one of your pals will want to try all the things with you. And the Queen City has more than its fair share of classes for you to take.

Sweat it out. Maybe your squeeze prefers hitting the gym. But your friends will help you brainstorm any physical activity that will make working out fun. Try out a hip-hop spin class at CycleSouth or take a hot yoga class at Arrichion.

My boyfriend is my best friend, so I often have a hard time making time for my girlfriends. And knowing some of my girlfriends, they have a hard time with it, too. Enough with the excuses. It feels like it's been ages since I've hung out with a couple of my girlfriends and that has to change. Stop sending each other memes and snaps. Plan your next girls day or night this week.

What do you like to do when you need some girl or guy time? Share it with me.

Certain spaces and moments can trigger your nostalgia. For example, this weekend I took a trip to Folly Beach, just south of Charleston, as many of you know, for a 30th birthday party that came with its own hashtag: #thirtyflirtyanddying. We rented a three-story Airbnb that lent itself to a college-style house party, naturally.

By the time we'd gone through five handles of Tito's, and the majority of the group left, we found ourselves twiddling our thumbs on how to keep the weekend going. We spent a couple of hours at the beach on our last day and I watched the "gamers" romp in the sand. But once we were back at the house, there was only so much more we could do to entertain ourselves. Enter King of Cups.

If you haven't heard of this game, Google it. Nevertheless, it's one of those drinking card games that's played in college in which you learn very quickly the goal is simply to get everyone drunk.

With every card, I started feeling the weight of missing games and activities of moments passed.

It also reminded me that I've been wanting to create a bucket list of places to go in Charlotte where adults can relive the "glory years" of being big kids again. I went back to my little black book of things to do in Charlotte and I started planning the rest of my summer. So without further ado:

Roll around a skating rink. Why in the world did we ever let skating rinks die?! The boo and I were driving back to Charlotte from Myrtle Beach recently, coming up Independence Boulevard and I realized I'd completely forgotten about skating rinks when we passed Kate's Skating Rink. I don't know about you but throwing on a pair of roller skates after a couple cocktails sounds like a blast to me!

Roll some balls at the ol' alley. I was never a huge bowler growing up, but I certainly stirred up some trouble at our local bowling alley back home. But I can imagine I would totally enjoy an outing involving bowling with friends now (with the rails up of course). There's quite a few in the Queen City area but Ten Park Lanes in South End and Strike City at the EpiCentre are a great start!

Spend some quarters at an arcade bar. I've talked about the handful of arcade bars that have popped up around the Queen City in the past couple years plenty of times, and my fellow CL partiers recently did a tour of a few during their most recent Boozing on a Budget tour (which they did not invite me on, but I will surely be joining next time, sigh). Every time I play Galaga I have flashbacks of playing it with my mom while waiting for our clothes at the laundromat. What's your highest score? Check out my previous article or those of my Boozing on a Budget counterparts for a comparison of arcade bars throughout the city.

Jump around at a trampoline park. I was terrified of Chuck E. Cheese when I was a kid and never really cared for bounce houses at birthday parties. However, I can totally dig the idea of going to a trampoline park now! Granted, someone may break a leg now that we're older, or at the very least be too sore to walk for a few days, but an adult pizza party plus trampolines sounds like a big kid's dream come true if you ask me. There's DefyGravity in north Charlotte, Sky Zone Trampoline Park in Pineville and Urban Air in Mint Hill, so pick a direction and try one out.

Zap your friends at laser tag. I wish I'd been a fan of the sketchy laser tag bar when I was younger (clearly there's a common theme here), but there was something about running around in the dark that didn't excite me back then. Now, I'm like, who doesn't want to get lost in the dark with a few friends? Things may get interesting between the boo and I. *wink wink* Consider getting tagged by strangers and friends alike at Laser Quest on Park Road.

Swoon over zoo animals. Zoos and aquariums used to be the bane of my existence. They were hot, the day was long and walking felt like torture. But now I'm so obsessed with animals that when I was planning a special day for bae I chose Tiger World in Rockwell. In fact, I even booked an encounter with Ignacio aka Nacho, their newest attraction: a baby sloth! And let me tell you 10 minutes with him (at a not-so-affordable price) made my whole day! There's also Zootastic Park in Troutman and, if you're willing to make a little bit of a longer trip, the North Carolina Zoo in Asheboro.

"There shall be an eternal summer in the grateful heart." That's what a sign said outside of a convenience store in Folly Beach.

As I reflect on that quote while planning the rest of my summer, I think, what better way to enjoy an eternal summer than to find experiences that incite a childlike excitement?

As someone who majored in Women's Studies in college, I was mind effed when it comes to LGBT life. I came from a space and town where being black was hard enough.

However, I was also what I'd call the black sheep of the family who could always think outside of the box. That's why I wasn't confused or appalled the first time I met someone who identified as a lesbian.

In fact, I was intrigued. Then came college and a separation from family thought. It was easy for me to appreciate and love difference, but the type of difference was so different that I may have been a bit overwhelmed.

So it's normal to be married to a woman as a man and go through a sex change and still want to be with that woman? That's cool with me. And still, the ways that I defined "normal" — a word that I loathe — in terms of sexuality were stretching.

Women's studies also taught me about the importance of separation of spaces when it comes to the women's movement as well as the LGBTQ+ movement. The reality is the first wave of each respective movement didn't serve the larger purpose.

White women and gay men weren't necessarily concerned with the experience of those of different races, cultures, etc. And that makes complete sense. They wouldn't know how to fight the battles of, say, black men or black gay men. I might even ask why they would be expected to fight someone else's fight when they had to fight their own?

Nevertheless, I found myself almost 10 years later in Charlotte asking myself the question: Why do we have Latino Pride, Black Pride and the separate, very white Charlotte Pride?

I'm friends with folks who have lived here for years and are utterly baffled when I mention any other version of Pride outside of the "regular one."

Just last week, in my piece about AfroPop! Charlotte, I mentioned that "other" spaces aren't paramount from a marketing standpoint in Charlotte. So I shouldn't be surprised that Charlotteans, who can't even appreciate the difference that is sexuality, can't imagine that other versions of Pride exist.

But then I also think about the fact that post-Charlotte Uprising, inclusivity and togetherness are at the forefront of my mind. And despite my background and experience, and even though I know there is true value in separation of space, I find myself asking the question, "Why can't we all just get along?"

So what do we do? We're in an era in which I'd argue respect of sexuality is winning when compared to views on race. But that's also why I'd argue that space has the power to be a true changemaker with regards to race.

And at the same time, it's a sacred space that respects race and experience in an innovative way.

But also, the same issues — maybe even barriers — seem to exist when it comes to marketing the "other" of "other" in Charlotte. Some people haven't "heard" about Black Pride or Latin Pride, but everyone knows that the Pride parade and festival are going to happen in Uptown Charlotte toward the end of August.

So why should I care about separatism or inclusivity when other cultures, races or experiences are being appreciated for what and who they are?

I think back to my most recent Pride experience with my parents. They are one of the only reasons I bring up my hometown experience. I can separate those who are what I define as ignorant.

And yet, they were traipsing around Uptown with me last year during Pride. While it was "different" than what they were used to, they were able to exist in that space and have a good time. Is there a world where that type of coexistence can be the norm?

So, given the fact that it's Pride Week, at least in our city, I felt the need to posit these thoughts and questions to the people of Charlotte.

I pose the question to my readers, what are your thoughts on separation of spaces? Is it a good or bad thing that we separate ourselves when it comes to something like Pride? Do you think that we'd better off coming together on everything that is socialization?

Share your thoughts with me at backtalk@clclt.com. Oh, and by the way, love is always going to be love.

A few weeks ago, I went to a networking event to support a friend of mine. These events aren't a cup of tea for introverts like me. Yes, I'm an introvert. Luckily, a few familiar faces from my last job were there to put my mind at ease. After a few drinks, the stuffiness had worn off and I was more willing to gab with patrons.

My friend who hosted the event is the type of person who doesn't meet a stranger. It was only a matter of time before he was making introductions on my behalf. I'm thankful that he did, because he ended up introducing me to a sweet woman who told me all about an event that happens at least once a month in Charlotte, Durham and Atlanta called AfroPop!

What is AfroPop! Nation? It's an event "that celebrates the rich heritage of various African diaspora nationalities through music, live drums, dance, vendors, fashion and art." Why in the world hadn't I heard about this event before?! Especially when then-editor Mark Kemp had just written an article in March about the inspiration behind the event. *cue self-judgment*

Yes, there's plenty I could do to stay #woke and aware of who's "doing it for the culture in Charlotte," but then I also thought about how easy it is to access information about events in the city that aren't put on by those classified as "other."

For example, Durag Fest, which was an alternative Juneteenth celebration held at Camp North End, was a perfect catalyst to discussions about "who's supported in the Charlotte community." The durag was used as the centerpiece of the celebration, and if you know anything about the history of durags you know that it is entangled in conversations about blackness, culture and fashion. Quite the statement event, however, it was only after the event was fairly invisible in the Charlotte community and then went viral in the aftermath that I began to question how much support do "other" communities have in the Q.C.

"I don't feel that minorities have equal access. You can see distinct pockets in the city where certain cultures go to a party. Getting access to venues is a tough thing in Charlotte," says Eric Ndelo, one of three innovators behind AfroPop!, on minority access to resources in Charlotte. "Either you don't have the right vibe (look) for the club or you don't have enough money. Ownership is the key ... We need our own and to put other people on. Things are changing though and more minority owners are popping up everywhere."

That being said, I felt privileged when my new connection gave me her number and invited me to attend AfroPop!'s two-year anniversary event at The Underground at AvidXchange Music Factory. I read up on the event on their website and Facebook page and was reminded of my first Su Casa visit and the article that followed in which I described the event as a "monthly oasis for the culturally starved."

I was grateful that by the time I arrived, the crowd had thinned out. As I said earlier, I can get a bit overwhelmed when I'm in larger crowds. I bounced around with a friend who works at The Underground and visited a few of the booths placed around the dancefloor. I'd promised myself I wasn't going to buy anything, but $60 later, I was the proud owner of a handmade copper ring and a South African beaded necklace. I celebrated by doing some version of a reggae dance before heading outside where I'd later chat with my invitee and Ndelo, her brother. I wasn't in the best state to ask questions so I asked for his card so we could connect later.

When I asked him to reflect on his first AfroPop! event and how far the events have come, he said: "The two-year anniversary was special to me because that's two trips around the sun and AfroPop! is still just picking up steam. It's a beautiful feeling knowing and not knowing the potential growth that the future holds ... The vibe was electric. With the horns, AfroPop! dancers, two-DJ set, light show and concert-style venue, it felt more like a show or concert party than just a cultural dance party. It showed that we stepped up our showmanship and are offering a tailored experience ... We set out to intertwine the fashion, dance, knowledge, colors, music, food and celebratory aspects of various pan-African cultures to create one big gumbo called AfroPop!"

And let me tell you, that gumbo is definitely worth tasting. What are your thoughts on the state of cultural diversity or lack thereof in Charlotte nightlife?

I'm gay and have been dating a guy for 10 months. He's great overall, and I would say for the most part we both want it to work out. But I am having a problem with his friends and other lifestyle choices. All of his friends are straight, and almost all of them are women. All of my friends have always been gay men, like me, so I find this strange. I don't have any problem with women, but I don't hang out with any women, and neither do most of my friends. He makes dinner plans for us with his straight friends almost every week, and I grin and bear it. They're always old coworkers, so the whole conversation is them talking about old times or straighty talk about their children. It's incredibly boring. He's met my friends, and he likes some of them but dislikes others. It's obvious that he is not comfortable relating to gay men, generally speaking. He does not seem knowledgeable about gay history or culture. For example, he strongly dislikes drag queens and never goes to gay bars. There is one woman in particular he makes dinner for every Friday night. It's a standing date that he's only occasionally been flexible about changing to accommodate plans for the two of us. Now he's planning a weeklong vacation with her. When he first mentioned this trip, he asked if I would want to spend a week camping. I said no, because I don't like camping. He immediately went forward with planning it with her. I'm pretty sure the two of them had already hatched this plan, and I don't think he ever really wanted me to go. I think it's WEIRD to want to go camping for an entire week with some old lady. He does other weird things, too, like belonging to a strange new-age church, which is definitely at odds with my strongly held anti-religious views. He has asked me to attend; I went once, and it made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. The fact that I didn't like it just turned into a seemingly unsolvable problem between us. He says I'm not being "supportive." I need some advice on how to get past my intense feelings of aversion to the weirdness. How can I not let our differences completely destroy the relationship?

-Hopelessly Odd Man Out

Differences don't have to destroy a relationship. Differences can actually enhance and help sustain a relationship. But for differences to have that effect, HOMO, both partners have to appreciate each other for their differences. You don't sound appreciative — you sound contemptuous. And that's a problem.

According to Dr. John Gottman of the Gottman Institute (a research institution dedicated to studying and strengthening marriages and other interpersonal relationships) — who says he can accurately predict divorce in 90 percent of cases — contempt is the leading predictor of divorce. "When contempt begins to overwhelm your relationship, you tend to forget entirely your partner's positive qualities," he writes in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Contempt, Gottman argues, destroys whatever bonds hold a couple together.

You've been together only 10 months, HOMO, and you're not married, but it sounds like contempt has already overwhelmed your relationship. It's not just that you dislike his friends, you're contemptuous of them; it's not just that you don't share his spiritual beliefs, you're contemptuous of them; it's not just that his gayness is expressed in a different-than-yours-but-still-perfectly-valid way, you're contemptuous of him as a gay man. Because he doesn't watch Drag Race or hang out in gay bars. Because he's got a lot of female friends. Because he's happy to sit and talk with his friends about their kids. (There's nothing "straighty" about kid conversations. Gay parents take part in those conversations, too. And while we're in this parenthesis: I can't understand why anyone would waste their time actively disliking drag queens. But being a gay male correlates more strongly with liking dick than it does with liking drag.)

This relationship might work if you were capable of appreciating the areas where you two overlap — your shared interests (including your shared interest in each other) — and content to let him go off and enjoy his friends, his new-age church, and his standing Friday-night dinner date. A growing body of research shows that divergent interests + some time away from each other + mutual respect = long-term relationship success. You're missing the "mutual respect" part — and where this formula is concerned, HOMO, two out of three ain't enough.

Here's how it might look if you could appreciate your differences: You'd do the things you enjoy doing together — like, say, each other — but on Friday nights, he makes dinner for his bestie and you hit the gay bars with your gay friends and catch a drag show. You would go on vacations together, but once in a while he'd go on vacation with one of his "straighty" friends, and once in a while you'd go on vacation with your gay friends. On Sundays, he'd go to woo-woo church and you'd sleep in or binge-watch Pose. You'd be happy to let him be him, and he'd be happy to let you be you — and together the two of you would add up to an interesting, harmonious, compelling "we."

But I honestly don't think you have it in you.

P.S. I have lots of straight friends, and I'm a parent, and sometimes I talk with other parents about our children, and I rarely go to gay bars, and I haven't gotten around to watching Pose yet, or the most recent season of Drag Race, for that matter. It's devastating to learn, after all these years and all those dicks, that I'm terrible at being gay.

P.P.S. If a straight person told you, "I don't have any problem with gay men, but I don't hang out with any gay men, and neither do most of my friends," you'd think they had a problem with gay men, right?

I've been in an on-again, off-again relationship for the past four years. My girlfriend has an assortment of mental-health issues — anxiety, depersonalization episodes, depression, paranoia, among others — that make it very stressful and tiring to be with her. Despite my best attempts at getting her to seek help, she refuses to take the plunge. Whether it's a result of her illness or not, she refuses to believe that I actually want to be with her. I do care deeply about her, and the good days are wonderful. But nearly every time we go on a date or have sex, it ends in tears, and I have to endlessly reassure her that I do really want to be with her. I'm exhausted by having to defend my feelings for her multiple times per week and I don't know what to do.

-He's Exhausted And Lost

There's only one thing you can do, HEAL: Put this relationship on hold — take it back to off-again status — and make getting back together contingent upon her seeking help for her mental-health issues. You've made it clear, again and again, that you want to be with her. By finally seeking help — by actually taking the plunge — she can make it clear that she wants to be with you.

I have a very sexy German boyfriend, and he is not circumcised. His otherwise beautiful dick is a problem. It smells — sometimes a little, sometimes it really stinks. After he showers, the smell is still there. He says he uses only water. Is there a better way to wash an uncircumcised penis? Can he use some kind of soap?

-Girl Asks Gay4 Grooming Intervention Near Genitals

Yes, GAGGING, there is a better way: He needs to wash that thing with motherfucking SOAP. If the soap he's got is irritating the head of his penis or the inside of his foreskin, he needs to try other soaps until he finds one that cleans his dick without causing irritation. And you should make allowing that otherwise beautiful German dick anywhere near you contingent upon him learning how to clean it properly. There's no excuse for stank-ass dick.

On the Lovecast, a biblical recipe for abortion: savagelovecast.com; contact Dan at mail@savagelove.net; go to @fakedansavage on Twitter; ITMFA.org

Recently, I've had some spare time on my hands and I've enjoyed making the most of these rare moments — ones that I refer to as #funemployment. I've focused on improving my mental mindset and spending time with my boo. But don't be fooled, this kitten loves to sleep!

That's why I appreciated my boyfriend telling me we need to get out more often. And to be quite honest, since he said that, I've found myself feeling the most motivated I've felt in a long time. Recently, I learned that he'd planned our first dayscursion up north to Davidson!

We played roulette with the weather for about a week. Who doesn't want sunshine when you're driving somewhere new for the day? Despite our skeptical meteorologist friends on the news, we managed to settle on a day that ended up being a beautiful day filled with sunshine.

Now let me preface this by saying my boyfriend is the ultimate planner. He's the type to take time researching dive bars, restaurants, you name it. He takes notes on what's good or bad about all of them and provides a tentative itinerary. And what's even better? You don't have to worry about him saying we have to stick to a specific schedule. #blessed

Believe it or not, we hopped in the car before noon, and even though I wasn't feeling 100 percent, we were both excited about the activities we had planned. We parked downtown on Main Street and headed to our first stop: Summit Coffee. A quaint little coffee bar with a splash of hipster, Summit makes for a perfect spot to grab a coffee and walk or bring your laptop and work remote for a bit. (I don't drink coffee but I really wanted to buy a succulent in their logoed coffee mug. #basic)

After that, we sauntered in and out of the eclectic shops on the street before he informed me of the first stop on the list: The Pickled Peach. A "casual hipster ambiance," it sounded perfect to me. To our dismay, they were closed for their annual summer vacay. Before the disappointment settled in, I weighed the available options within walking distance and decided we should just hop in the car and drive the short distance to one of my newer faves: Hello, Sailor! He agreed immediately.

If you haven't been to the Sailor yet, You. Need. To. Go. Technically located in Cornelius, the 10-minute drive to lunch was beyond worth it. We sat on the covered patio and partook in two of my favorite items on the menu: Hamachi (puffed rice, umi and macadamia nuts), avocado, egg and brown butter saltines. If the words aren't mouth-watering enough for you, check out @omgclt_ for pics.

When we finished, it was time for the next activity: jet skiing! Now I know what you may be thinking, this black girl is defying all the stereotypes. Nope. This was the second time I'd gone jet skiing and I was still just as nervous as I was the first time. I don't like water, getting my hair wet, swimming or water creatures. However, I love seeing my boo's excitement even when he has to deal with my nervousness and anxiety. The highlight: him having to pull my jet ski in close enough for me to touch every time we stopped at an island. #blackgirlproblems

After leaving the lake, we returned to Davidson for a casual driving tour of the Davidson College campus — a picturesque experience. It's peaceful and quiet on a Thursday, not unlike many college campuses in the summer, but just imagining alum Steph Curry walking to class was enough for me.

Then for the last stop: Kindred. The first Charlotte-area restaurant concept from Joe Kindred (the second being our earlier lunch destination, Hello, Sailor!), Kindred is a fine-dining, small-dish destination. The boyfriend had talked about it as a must-go for us for a date night.

And let me tell you, was he ever right. I eat okra sparingly, but theirs was spot on as far as how it was prepped. Additionally, we ordered melon crudo, scallops and a ravioli dish. (Pro tip: order their house-made pasta last so you don't get too full).

By the time we left, I was so sleepy and full I could've slept in the booth where we were eating #uncouth. We hopped in the car for the ride back to Charlotte as the sun was going down. I couldn't believe I made it all day without a nap but "look at God."

I'm a creature of the night, but I had an absolute blast on our day trip. I would've enjoyed a revisit to some of the local breweries I went to a couple years prior when I toured Lake Norman, but I had no regrets. A day well spent in Davidson.